Sunday, May 27, 2007

And then one day....

Its so strange how the simple experiences of life teach you the most invaluable lessons of life,thank god for them:) I am at home all the day,i have always said from the time i came to this city that i will go back if i don't find a job,luckily i am on vacation,i am still holding on to my job in Hyd,Did i try?No,maybe because i never trusted enough about myself,i trusted others and after working for 7yrs at one place i guess i lost that spirit of searching,trying or getting something with a vengeance,i was too much of myself in a comfort zone,with out even trying i said I lost, depressed and was almost in tears.
Someone knocked the door ,windows clad with curtains,doors closed and me busy with my laptop,TV,music as always went to open the door,and surprised to see hubby completely drenched and then i realized it was raining,I was angry,frustrated,
How could i not know it was raining?How could i not know,Me,who loves the rain like mad,i was cursing and murmuring to myself,cursing that this city of walls is no fun,that there is no open sky to watch over,that there is no open space,I just was going on"how could i not know????" and i hear this one line from him "Because you chose not to hear or know anything about it,You closed yourself and you chose to lock yourself here my dear,try going out,you will feel fine,give it a try " I dont know if it were only for the rain or for my attitude of not trying but it did hit at the right spot।
With in two hours i was seen busy posting my cv and getting an interview call and the next day saw me travelling alone,rejecting a recommendation from a well wisher,and by afternoon i gave a call to my mom and then to my hubby "I GOT THE JOB,Yes,the first one i applied for and the first interview i attended and the first demo i have given got me a job,Yes,this is my first sincere attempt with out taking any suggestions or with out trusting any false promises and i got it on my own,Yes,again as a teacher in one of the very good colleges in this city, and i loved every moment of the experience,
and then while i was waiting there came hubby,I am proud of you was the only line i heard from him and it reminded me of mom, thank god for these two people in my life,they are always there to make me walk straight when i am loosing my path.

And yes, it did rain again that day,and i got drenched totally and all my certificates got wet,and i almost lost my wrist watch,something which i am wearing past 13years,yes,13yrs but it is still working after all that soaking wet in rain:) and poor hubby was trying so hard to save his laptop from rain,and while coming back i was still humming the same song which i started in the morning "aashaayein khile dil ki,ummeedein hase dil ki,ab mushkil nahi kutch bhi,nahi kutch bhi kutch aaisa karke dikha,khud khush ho jaaye khuda,aashaayen khile dil ki"

चीनी कम हैं,चीनी कम हैं,थोड़ी थोड़ी तुझमें हैं क़ुम, सुनले कभी कहती हैं क्या,दिल कि सदा, दर्द जाता हैं मुस्कुराके, देखले देखले आज्माके ...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Just Like That

Yes,I get Tread mill as a gift from Husband and i am yet to recover from the shock;p, Seriously both of us should be given an award sort of thing for finding the most unusual! ! ! ! sort of things for each other,But whats so unusual about this he asks innocently, Sigh!@$#$!# This man never gave me a flower or a card till now but he gives me a Tread Mill,A digi cam,A Laptop, etc etc and he still dosnt understand the importance of flowers in a womens life,neither the imp of cards, Sigh! ! ! He is still sulking that i was not excited or dancing around after seeing the gift,Now he seriously expects that!@#$%^^#W!@$

I should have known that marrying a geek who can discuss routers, I P Numbers and net working when he meets his would be wife for the first time can go to any extent when needed, He did. Whenever we have a fight i make sure to show my displeasure or anger by not giving him the news paper,by putting more salt in the curries or adding salt to his coffee but what does he do?? He Blocks my IP Address while i am browsing and i keep wondering why i am unable to connect to net while he is happily plying with his laptop,I keep checking the wireless broad band router,calling up the service provider,sigh, This man is impossible:(

I met the Principal of a very reputed college today and am yet to come out of the shock of knowing that people can be so rude, they don't have the basic courtesy of offering a chair or responding to the wishes,not a smile all the while,pompous, and can just throw a card on the table and show off the books written by him {Only to know that he is not even eligible to write those subjects}
and that the credentials given in his card are far more less and meaning less when compared to mine and i taught double the subjects than he did and i am more experienced than he is and that he is given that position because he belongs to such and such community left me sad and depressed,i so want to go back to my work place,i wish i can, and as for the offer from that college,i will starve to death but would never go back to that place and work with such people.
So my first attempt at starting my professional life here goes for a toss,and i am busy munching chips and peanuts and having rasgullas and gulabjamoon and looking at that TREAD MILL:)
Happy weekend all of you:)

Jab koi baat bigad jaaye,jab koi mushkil padjaaye,
tum dena saath mera woh hum nawaaz,na koi hain,
na koi tha,zindagi mein tumhare siva,
tum dena saath mera,woh humnawaaj

Monday, May 14, 2007


One song which always makes me smile,which always helps me to remember that there is a better Tomorrow,the word HOPE sounds so good hearing this song,one of my favorite movie,one of my favorite songs and one which i needed the most today,sometimes no amount of words from friends, wellwishers or your loved ones help and then i turn to music,which has always been by my side when needed,I feel much better listening to this and hope this sure helps me to go get something which is important,for my existence,to prove to myself that i can still fight and win,i will try.
i am enjoying the light of HOPE,
which shows me a new path,
filled with lot of happiness and smiles,The journey is unknown,
but when there is someone to hold my hand and take me down the road,
into an Unknown future,I am ready to walk with you,
Will you be mine forever?

teri woh raftaar ho,roke se bhi tu na ruke
haasil kar aaisa shikhar,parbat ki bhi nazrein uthe

udd jaaye leke khushi,apne sang tujhko waha
jannat se mulaqaat ho,puri ho teri har dua
aashaayein khile dil ki,ummeedein hase dil ki
ab mushkil nahi kutch bhi,nahi kutch bhi
kutch aaisa karke dikha,khud khush ho jaaye khuda
aashaayen khile dil ki
ummeedein hase dil ki
ab mushkil nahi kutch bhi
nahi kutch bhi

From the movie Iqbal

It bends,it twists,it sometime hides,but rarely does it break,It sustains us when nothing else can.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

There is no Tomorrow here.

Death takes away every hope,It takes away A Tomorrow,It takes away a smile,forever,I have no idea why it had to happen,but it did happen,the sms in my phone still says the same,i keep reading it again and again,hoping that maybe i missed a word,but no,it says "N,Professor R is no more,we lost him to a heart attach an hour back"
On my first wedding anniversary i lost my Mentor,my guide,whom i knew past ten years,whom i went to with every problem,he had every solution and he always said i am his elder daughter and that he would want me to be happy and when i was coming to Bangalore his words were the same "You did enough for everyone,now its time to sit back and enjoy life,get a job there and be with your husband,i will come and meet you in June,i don't want you to come back here to work,your priority is your family"

I just wanted to say this "Sir,i never had my father when ever i needed anything in my life,but past ten years you have been one person whom i turned to with all the problems,I don't know if i will ever meet my dad or know even if he leaves this world,but your loss will be one vacume which no one can fill,thankyou for being there"
I still wish the sms was just a mistake,I still wish it were a bad dream and when i enter the college campus in June i hear his booming voice checking out things,I know we have lost him for ever.
With him my association with my eight year career in my college ends,i don't know if i will find a job in Bangalore but i am sure i will never go back to the campus again and work there,its over and wish it was not this way.
Death takes away all the hope.It does.

Monday, May 07, 2007

The Tumka & The Tumki

His Version
Exactly an year back i lost all my independence and thats when i realised that i am now happy married,i am a married man:( She wont let me forget that even in my sleep. I am feeling so sleepy but still wanted to say this,Now that we both completed one year i am going to give a name to ourself, yes,a new name,when she can rip me away with all her jokes on me at this blog let me also take this opportunity and share this name with you all. Ladies and gentleman,presenting to you the Tumka {thats me} and the Tumki {thats her}
Why why why? she keeps asking me, Hmmm,i will tell you all even before you start,now the tumka and the tumki are two lazy people who stay at home most of the time when they are not in the office and just keep talking {she talks and i listen} and they never bother to go out,socialize,meet friends or explore the new city,they have no interest in the latest fashion statements,they both love watching comedy movies and can laugh aloud while sharing an orange or a banana or some groundnuts {how boring na,they are too lazy to get popcorn also} They prefer simple music and love reading their newspaper on every sunday morning sharing it and tumki cooks well and she did start a new blog also for that:))) so no chance of going out to the only restaurant which they used to visit often{even the waiters there are bored of them now:(
and they can think of food whenever they feel bored,yes,they can always think of food,they both are like small size errrrrrrr or,large size {hmmm,lets settle for medium} size round pumpkins,golgappas, potatos or whatever comes to ur mind, they love to climb on to their bechara kinetic Activa and go to reliance fresh or foodworld which is just half a km from their house and have fun in the name of shopping {oh,never mind even if it is called grocery shopping}
they hardly go out on a vacation,past one yr all they did was to plan and while the word execution come they excuse themselves and postpone the plans
All they have in their life right now is few friends {whom we blatantly ignore and do not meet but they still love us} and a street dog which she adopted and feeds promptly even before she realises that there is a husband who is hungry:(((( Sigh!!!!! that dog dosn't even give bhaav to me:( Now you know why i say the Tumka and the Tumki,it suits, isn't it:D
Now i hope all your doubts are cleared and i am sure now no one will ask us "what are your plans for today {huh,even that doctor whom we met today had the same question,huh:(

By the way i am supposed to say "Happy wedding anniversary wife" {Oh,i don't want to say first,because it reminds me that i just completed only one year of my life long imprisonment} And now i am rushing off from here before those chappal and jaadoo and paperweight lands on me,runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn:)

My version of shaadi ki saalgirah
A year back exactly on this day i was awake at this hour,the house was filled with people, flowers and lights and bangles ,puja,mehandi, silk sarees, glittering gold,sweets and laughter around, but still there was a strange silence in my room,i was still wondering if it were all true? Was i really getting married? but why and how? i mean why would someone want to stay with me forever? why would someone share his life with me? The answers which were not known and in midst of all the confusion at 7am, we both got married, not once did you look at me and all the time i was looking at you "Why is he taking all this trouble to marry me?? Me out of all the people?? huh,strange man and i smiled to myself.
Dear hubby,exactly one year and on this day of our first wedding anniversary i am sitting by the window and typing away while you are happily dreaming away in the wonderland of sleep,Its so peaceful and silent,i cannot sleep but today i have no questions or confusions,i dont need any answers,All i know is that we were destined to be with each other and both of us are trying our best to feel it all for life,i know we will be happy, Happy first wedding anniversary dear husband,you mean a world to me today and forever:)

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Khwaab chunrahi hain raat....

Fell In love and this time its with this city,Those of you read this blog know that i hated coming here,and i have been constantly cribbing about Bangalore and how i felt like an alien,well, today i fell in love,when? hmmmm,no idea,maybe the moment when.....

we both were driving past Madivala and i bargained with a roadside vendor and got a cane stool for almost 50% of what he quoted.

Maybe when i realised that we were driving without being stuck at any trafficjams or red signals for more than 20min i felt Yupppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee:)

Or maybe when we stopped at Adiyar AnandBhavan for buying Kalajamun, chumchum, Kalakhand, Badam mysorepak and gulkhand peda and ohhhhh,boy,was i not giving best of my smiles looking at all those sweets:)i have been terribly missing those innumerable sweet shops {most of them started with the name balaji ratanlal} and then....

when we were coming out it started raining ,Yesssssssssss,maybe this was the moment, and the scene changed,everyone were rushing for the shade to save themselves from getting wet,It all changed in a few moments, people of all kinds,weather it were the posh fashion statement cutie standing next to me or a traditional chudidaar clad girl trying to save her blooks from getting wet or the guy busy discussing about recent developments in technology with a friend over a cup of coffee or the old man who was with his grandson telling him some story, the middle age couple there trying to help eachother,hubby putting his helmet on her head while she trying to make him wear it himself or those two love birds sharing chaat and smiling oblivious of the world, we were all one there,forgetting the shells which we live in all were enjoying the moment of life,forgetting the mad rush,the busy schedules and complex developments and just being there at that moment.

Or was it when sitting on the bike and humming "pia tose naina laage re,naina laage,jaane kya ho ab aage re"" while hubby was cursing the rain and how i was getting wet without caring about health:) Huh,how do i explain him that this moment makes me even more stronger and healthy and i kept humming to myself " aye zindagi gale lagaale,humne bhi tere har ek ghum ko gale se lagaaya hain? hain na"
And when i heard a guy singing to himself on the bike in the rain at a traffic signal "hasthoo hardam,khushiya ya ghum,kisi se darna nahi,dar dar ke jeena nahi......." wow, there are lot of people who remember old songs,isn't it.

Or was it when i realised there is no power and inverter was out of charge and lit a candle,opened the windows, had daal chawal under candle light,went to bed with my SonyICD-U50 listening to "chup chaap karthi hain baatein teri ye khaamoshiyaan, Chup Chaap Sunte Hai Dil Ki Halki Halki Sargoshiyan " and kept the windows open and i can hear the pitterpatter of the rain,the day came to an end but then a new day awaits,and i know i am in love and waiting for the new day to welcome it with a smile,the music continues and now its " tummm pukaar lo,tumhara intezaar hain,tum pukaar lo,kwaab chunrahi hain raat,bekaraar hain,tumhara intezaar hain,tumm pukaar lo"


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