Tuesday, February 16, 2010


There is no end to memories, A smile always comes back when we turn around to look at the days gone by and the days filled with laughter and fun come back in a moment. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and then i started typing this post, with those immediate few images from the days gone by which brought a smile and these little precious gems are what makes life worth.

The image of three girls walking down the huge empty roads in the defence quarters and sharing one cup of ice cream. Limited pocket money or the joy of sharing, don't remember what prompted that1:3 ratio:)))))

Amma always bought identical water-bottles, lunch boxes, pencils and pens for both kids, The sixth class studying sis lost her water-bottle cap and silently replaced it with 4th class studying bro's water bottle cap. Thank god the little secret is still a secret:)))))

Talking about the sibling it is not clear how a 1/2 km stretch from school which takes about 15 min to walk back home would take him more than two hrs and one such occasion amma back from office and went in search of him towards the school, only to find him slowly walking with a tiny plant in both the hands and also talking to the plant:( He was just being careful about bringing the plant alive but then amma gives a lecture that i need to be careful and come along with him)))))

The first movie i went to watch with a gang of girls from school, we finished our board exams and we felt so proud of ourselves. It was a comedy movie and my best friend found it hilarious, so much so that she literally started kicking the front seat with her leg while laughing, the one in that seat did not find it amusing at all(((((

Aunty's shop-next to college, she had the best of samosas and we would wait for 9am, that's when the fresh stock came and the co ed college had a ladies room:))) we being the first batch to be admitted into a all boys college and the royal treatment we got every where and i remember naming a senior "Golgappa" I never knew he was a senior:((((( and the whole gang made me repeat "I am a complan girl"20 times for no reason:))))))

A group of college friends, 23 of them, went to watch a movie and16 turned up, we sold the remaining 7 tickets for triple the price we bought them for and partied with the money:))))

I thought PG would be serious stuff and in my first weak to the college, i bunked, in fact everyday i ran away from the economics class, as soon the the professor entered from the front door i used to run from the back door:))))))

The 50 acre campus filled with only women was fun, i tasted canteen food first time in my PG. I imitated Laluprasad yadav on the freshers day and they presented me with a wall painting which is still with me:)))

I know you are going to smile when you read this Pratima:) The first all girls nightouts started not in my PG but when i started working, one bio tech teacher, one food & nutrition teacher and Me, the commerce one:) the long drives and giggling whole night and one particular such time when i guess the downstairs ppl complained about too much noise and sounds, well, we were dancing you see:)
The fried rice you made and the comments which i had, the walk back home late night and early morning walking and whole night singing and giggling is still fresh in memories, and yes, we changed, everything changed but then such is life:) isn't it.

My two best friends are guys, those with whom i can share any news, those who understand my silence and every bit of me, those whom my husband would trust my safety with, amma did the same, its been more than 14yrs and there is no end to it..... they are the strength, they are the weakness, they are the lifeline...

Thank you dear god, for all the good times
And as he posted in his blog
"haan.... waqt yeh bhi guzar jaayega"

Sunday, February 07, 2010


I am trying to fight, fight everything which isn't easy, everything which makes me weak, which makes me give up but yet, there are times when i just want to give up. Am i wrong? I am holding on to a thin hope that one day things will be fine, but that's just too thin and the hope is giving away to despair, the smiles are fading away and the darkness sets in and its scary. I wish i can say more, i wish i can talk, i wish i can talk to friends but i am too proud to admit that i am loosing a battle, too proud to admit that i feel depressed. Ya,. depressed.Miss everything of the past, family, friends, life in Hyd, my way of living, my way of thinking, my way of fun, i miss it all. When did i change so much? when did i become so practical? when i did i become such a big loner? why did i push away everyone who cares? I wish i had answers. Just to remember that they do care, even today. I am holding on to a thin line of hope. One day, maybe one day i can share it all here. I am holding on.....

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