moments

"ek purana mausam lauta yaad bhari puravai bhi,aisa to kam hi hota hai wo bhi ho tanahai bhi,yadon ki baucharon se jab palaken bhigne lagti hain, kitni saundhi lagti hai tab manjhi ki rusavai bhi"

It took me more than two hours to remember the password, smiled to myself when i logged in, Is it in me still to just write what i felt? Do i still crave the silent expressions which pour in at this place?
But then i remember what i read early in the morning..... Sometimes, its not worth to think, to analyze, just flow with the thoughts.....
A rare silence and time devoted to doing nothing specific, a day off from work, i laze around the house and try to capture the stray thoughts, try looking back and remember the moments, little moments, just like the glittering trinkets run down the memory lane, moments filled with carefree laughter, happiness and the innocence of it all. I have come a long way.
I wish i can write, but may be the skill is lost? or may be the innocence is gone with the wind....
 

mausam

Marari beach, Alleppey.

Another sunday, filled with silence, but not silent like before, You can hear the traffic, kids playing the basement, TV in hall,music from the bedroom, but strangely, i can still feel the silence. It fills the heart, it fills my mind, a calmness which is much needed after the noise of life. Is it six months already? Some said bad luck, some said why you always? some suggested visiting temples, and some just held the hand and stood in silence. One after the other, accidents, injury, fever, hospitalization, and then the abortion, recovery, leaving the job, joining back, again operation, and one final day i asked myself "why me" I screamed, i want to give up, i can't take it anymore, but then, i dint give up.

Recovering is more painful, i know, but then who said life is easy, but isn't it worth? I am still searching for the answers.

I want to write, again:) i want to listen to music, again, want to take out my camera, again, laugh, again, basically, trying to heal:) from the physical and emotional pain which is covering the heart like the thick fog, but wouldn the sunshine tear it away??? hoping for it.

An old diary

As i sat to write i remember nothing, think nothing and i just feel the silence of the night, It never scares me, the silence that is.. It always indulges my thoughts, it always purifies my soul, my tired little soul which is always trying to adjust to the wayward ways of life, battling the crowd and the noise. I feel lost in the crowd, Words feel like bullets and people make me feel alone.

 I have no answers for questions, i just move on with life, when someone asks me why i am the way i am, i just smile, Why? Does anyone find the answer for this? No. When the sun rises tomorrow i will wake up to the bright light falling into my lap, i get ready, I take a mask and wear it on my face, the mask of intelligence, the mask of confidence and the mask of smile and the cheerful me walks into the world, i blink for a moment at the brightness, and then i am a part of it all. 

But tonight, its just me and my thoughts, i am not lonely, i am just alone, no masks and no fear, no artificial smiles and i feel relieved, in the darkness the memories cover me up, and i just look into the sky, looking a the twinkling sky filled with stars a small smile comes on to my face, memories.....

Long back someone sent me a msg, i remember it tonight, in the silence of the night, i remember the person, i remember the words........." dooriyan jab humare rishte mein aaye, tho meri yaadein dil ka dard nahi, jeene ka sahara banao"

Old diaries, they have so much hidden in them, so many feelings and emotions just lying there, in the form of words, and some, in the form of blank pages'

I walk back into my room, closing the doors behind me, covering the drapes, i no longer can see the sky, neither can i feel the silence..... i close my old diary, its almost falling apart, i safely put it in back in to the shelf, hidden behind a pile of books, its just a memory.