Pal

The first rose in our small balcony,A friend said she is glad i am continuing the tradition of having plants where ever i go, I don't know if i will do it so efficiently as mom does, but then for 20years i lived with almost a 100 plants, trees and flowers, throughout the year there were some or the other flowers for puja and some or the other fruit in the house, but now this is all i can do, have a few plants and creepers in my small balcony,
whenever i look at the small area i miss home,but then i remind myself that this is my house, and i cheer up and make more plans, i am going to Hyderabad, to bring ( the special andhra mango pickle} ,coconuts from the garden, guavas ,spices, sweets and then bring a Tulasi, my neighbor offered one but i want to bring it from there, a few memories of how 15yrs back we brought a small tulasi for daily puja and now its a big bush and amma always gives it people who buy a new house and i want to take from her now, for me, with all good wishes.

Yesterday a blog mate suggested we go to Mangalore for a trip as i like temples...I wondered if it is so.How did he conclude i like temples, How much do people know about me just by reading this blog, I like the morning silence,i like the sunrise while entering into the temple,i like to watch people who come there, looking around the peaceful atmosphere makes me calm and soothes me of all the pain, the incence sticks,the dhoopam, the lights and the fresh flowers, Morning glory at its best, what else can i ask god for, so i just fold my hands and stare at him, Nothing more.

Wishes will always be there, but if everything is fulfilled then life gets boring. So my wish is not fulfilled and the wait continues..

Sunday mornings are always beautiful, I mean there are always other holidays, there is a Saturday also but nothing like a Sunday, and we just sit here and read newspapers, sip the coffee and catch up with family and friends and then just staring into the sky from there and talk, simple but my way of unwinding, just staying at home is the best wish i can ask for.

Back to work in a few days again, I don't want to go back and i am surprised, i don't want to work, i want to stay at home, well, certain wishes will remain as wishes forever...or for a long time, Don't they?

Ushaji completed 500 posts and what a journey it has been,I don't remember from when i am reading her blog but she is one blogger who is been a kind of role model,i want to be like her when i reach her age, have a kind of thinking she has,And be gentle as she is and its only she who could have created such an ageless bonding in this virtual world,
Its great to know you here ushaji, keep blogging and keep rocking. And a simple thank you for being what and how you are,And this picture of my favorite kid in this world is for you, and if you see it clearly you can find one more kid of mine too hiding at the back, hope this brings a smile to your face and you are my "Happy Blogger" Yes, that's the title for you,whatever you write, there is a sense of happiness in your words:) Congratulations on 500, waiting for the 1000th post .

Mere ghar aana zindagi..

"Aalapana,the sounds of music,which is a part of my life,aalapana which changes according to the raga being sung,similar to my words,which change according to my emotions"
The first post written that evening,Two years back when the journey started again.

Two years already,Two years since one evening when i just closed my diary and walked to the computer to restart blogging, two years already since i closed Akruti? Two years since life started all over again,Two years of no contacts with the people who left,who walked away and two years since i turned back to look at people whom i left behind,emotions which i ran away from,tears which now don't roll out so easily and the innocence which i left far behind,Life changed so much and new experiences and new people walked in, happiness and smiles frequented often and tears and loneliness became rare, Happy Two years of existence Aalapana.Thank you for all the new beginnings and thank you for Another New Day.

There are people who come here regularly,some come here,read and go back, silently,I wish you come out and say it once that you do read the blog:) I would have another reason to smile, another reason to write,to keep writing,De lurk people, make me smile:)

"There were tears,when i was listening to this song, to be true to myself there are tears most of the mornings when i am driving on those empty roads, early in the morning when the morning chilled air strikes me fast and furious, i just keep staring at the trees and those flowers fallen on the road,when the music is playing in my ears and there i feel it, a darkness which i keep pushing away but it still is lingering around somewhere deep in the heart,My eyes keep searching for that one similar face in the crowd at the traffic signal, There are no questions to ask or no answers to seek but still the eyes keep looking out and in a few seconds i snap out of the feeling and push away the impending tears and get busy with Life.
The song is an oldie again, 1979, Uttam kimar and sharmila in the movie Dooriyan and sung by Bhupinder and Anuradha Paudwal. I wish i had enough words to describe it.....

Zindagi Zindagi Mere Ghar Aana Aana Zindagi
Zindagi Mere Ghar Aana Aana Zindagi
Mere Ghar Ka Seedha Sa Itna Pataa Hai
Ye Ghar Jo Hai Chaaron Taraf Se Khula Hai
Na Dastak Zaruri, Na Aavaz Dena
Mere Ghar Ka Darvaaza Koi Nahin Hai
Hain Deevaren Gum Aur Chahat Bhi Nahin Hai
.......................
Mere Ghar Ka Seedha Sa Itna Pataa Hai
Mere Ghar Ke Aage Mohabbat Likha Hai
Na Dastak Zaruri, Na Aawaz Dena
Main Saanson Ki Raftaar Se Jaan Lungi
Havaaon Ki Khushboo Se Pehchaan Lungi

I.........I.........i.........i..........I

This blog wont die a slow death,

This blog won't have once in a blue moon posts anymore,

I will blog more often,

I will comment on most or all of those 50 to 60 blogs which i read silently every day

I will reply to all my mails on time

I will reply to my Orkut scraps on time and search for more school friends

I will seriously through a sheep!!!! at my friends on my Face book

I will religiously check my mails daily

I will log in to my Yahoo messenger and YES,will reply there to the msgs i get.

I will return all the calls and sms i get from friends {Note:Please donot reply to telemarketers and airtel customer care.

I will add all those blogs i read to my blogroll without any delay.

I will sort out my bookmarks in Mozilla and try to reduce the huuuuuuuuuge list there.

I will try and add new gadgets which most of them are using and start bugging my techie friend to re do my blog design;p

Ok, at 12am in the night and after a 16hour long train journey and with a travel tour of about 3000km in 12days and two flight,three trains, and god knows how many taxi's and autos here i come up with my WISH LIST and a sleepy promise to keep up with the promises i made here i am off to the dream land to think of more promises, you be good,Yes,the one who is reading this now, have a good week guys:)

Passing Clouds....

It is one of those days,when everything seems perfect but still something is not right,there are people around but you still feel alone, there is music going on but you still crave for words,and when words begin you wish silence dawns, i know its just a passing moment lingering a bit longer but then it suffocates, tears cloud the vision and when someone asks why? what? I have no reasons, does it happen?

When a student whom i was talking to said she just feels like crying and there is no reason and that all is fine and she still wants to cry her friends scolded her,were not ready to believe her,They said she doesn't trust them enough to tell them the reason,they said she is being mean by not sharing the pain, and as a last resort they brought her to their Marketing ma'am whom they come anytime for any reason,Thats me, i didn't know what to say to her friends,how to convince them that its ok to cry with out a reason,to be gloomy with out reasoning it out,

They are kids, 19yrs old but for me they are kids,they will grow up the day they step into this real world filled with opportunities, competition, and where they have no idea who is a friend and a foe and that day they grow up to the worldly manners and then they loose their innocence, They stop asking questions and find answers themselves as per their experiences but for now they are a gang of ever giggling smart innocent kids living amidst protective family, teachers, friends, college life.....
But i could say something to the girl, held her hand and said It happens and that it happens to me also,and that its perfectly normal to cry with out a reason, she did not trust me,there were questions in her eyes,tears filling up and all i could do was give her a hug and holding the hand and assure that she will be fine no sooner.She went home then, gloomy, uncertain and confused, her friends quite and they left,not as usual to the canteen but to home , And in the night i got an sms,from the girl "Ma'am ,i am fine, i dint cry after that,i just went home and slept,i am fine ma'am,i am so sorry for bothering ,Silly me, simply crying with out a reason"

Next day while coming back from a class i saw my good old bunch of marketing students again, heading towards the canteen, laughing and singing,pulling each others leg, there she was, cute sweet girl, laughing and jumping and being herself , they waved at me "Ma'am come with us for a movie today" Hahahaha, i knew they are back to normal, maybe some other time i will join them for a movie or maybe not, For now we ended up with smiles.

And today i just remembered her line again "Silly me,crying without a reason" Yeah,silly me:) maybe i should just go and sleep and when i wake up all will be fine, happens,all the time,atleast with me,... Does it happen to you all?

Yesterday a blog friend said "I miss the good old days of blogging, so many people who are missing in action" and it set me thinking, three full years, so many people came and left,some still writing but the connection is lost somewhere, the blog roll is still the same but the link is missing, there used to be a bonding, there used to be favorites and there used to be mails and replies and calls and worrying if we don't find a post, " all gone,I am an empty man today" remember the line....
Good old days,how we crave for something long gone.....i was saying the same yesterday to an ex colleague. I miss Anumita, Khandu, Suhail, Gayatri, Surinder, Arathi, Ashish, Anand, Manishji, Pallavi, Ardra, saurabh, ishani................. {Some are still writing but then..............the charm of blogging is lost somewhere}

Will i also stop writing one day? Don't know,for now i know i come to write whenever i feel like but how many days do we all come back to an empty house?

Am listening to this beautiful song from Sawariya "Jab se tere nainaa,mere naino.n se laage re, tabse dewaana hua,sabse begaana hua, rab bhi dewana laage re......" Shan's voice has some magic and i am hooked the song:)

Dear Atticus

The first time i read his blog was one evening of september 2004,I remember his first post "Walking into the sunset" I just started blogging then and i told myself that one day i would write like him,write to make others feel,experience each word there, let others into those memories which they have long forgotten or busy to recollect,i knew one day i would want to write so effortlessly making the reader a part of every word there,It would be no more a blog post,no more just a story,no more just another experience of his,it would be something more, because after reading in some or the other way the reader would be a part of it,part of those emotions and those smiles and joy and pain as well.
I was in an awe for his words and kept going back to his blog again and again, From his days in a B school to his Journey to a far of land in search of himself,in search of a dream he came a long way and i still go to his blog and its 2007 already, I remember the post "Time Stops"
he wrote it sitting in a small village.
And the post about his niece Dhanya which i remembered for a long long time,i dont know how many times i read it. Each post has an emotion,a feeling,an experience worth all your time,and now the latest one which made me cry,those tears which come rarely these days and Dear Atticus, just to tell you that its been three years of knowing an Unknown you,Whose name i never knew for a long time,whose face i have no idea about,whose voice i have never heard of,but whose emotions,whose life has been a part of my virtual world,where i made some wonderful friends,Where we all have been a part of each others life in some or the other way,Today i just wanted to say Be Happy and keep writing:)

You talks of sunsets,the ones which are beautiful,the ones which give a hope,Yes,for me they give a hope,the Sun going down gives me a HOPE of A Tomorrow to come,a new one, with lot more dreams,with lot more happiness,it would bring you someone who is special and who would be with you,forever,The goodbyes are only for now,The flight which left you alone will be back sooner with that special someone who would be with you forever.

Ae zindagi gale laga le

"how does it feel to start at 0 after a 100? asked a friend when i started writing here last year Feb 3rd,Yes,its been already one year,the first birthday of Aalapana and a big thankyou to all of you who read,commented, silent at times but still been a part of the smiles,pain,joy,tears and anger and frustration which poured through the words here,

It feels great,to be the same,to not twist words,to not hide the real self,it feels good,but to tell you the truth i still miss the place which has been associated with an important phase of my life,but then here or in life its good to move on and what a journey it has been,past one year,Thankyou god,for everything and for everyone who stood by me and thank god for the people who left without a trace,i am better off without them and i have no regrets of leaving behind anything or anyone.

"Friends" what would be life without them? had a fantastic time with S and Y and we did nothing out of the world but i think i would feel the same even if we three meet at home for just 10min, because there are no pretensions,no artificial emotions,and what makes this friendship so unique is the fact that we act normal and we argue and in a min forget it and call up each other and talk about something else.
and more than anything what i love is the fact that hubby liked them instantly when he met them before wedding and today he says "if i ever have a complaint against you,i wont go to your mom,i will go to S and K" and that makes the huge difference,12yrs of friendship and today i felt a bit sad that i would be moving to another city soon,whom will i call up at all odd hrs and bug about the days events?
who will willingly work on my all time unfair demands with a smile,one who acts as a driver who takes me to any place in Hyd whenever i have to travel and one who is ever ready for giving advices whenever i rush to him with strange problems:)

and who will alter all their schedules just because i suddenly feel that we need to go for a movie or a book fair or go buy a dress,who will bear my most boring shopping sessions where all they do is carry my bags and i will be walking around buying things,how much ever i fight,how much ever i say i wont talk to them they still wait,maybe because they know that i will comeback to them,i do and they do the same,more than anything who will know the real me the way these two people know? None i would say,maybe one day hubby will succeed but for now no one else know the real ME except for them,i will sure miss them,well,but then do distances matter when we are bonded for life? maybe not,thank god,i count my blessings today and smile.

I am listening to the song "ae zindagi gale lagaale,humne bhi tere har ek ghum ko gale se lagaaya hain,hain na.... humne bhaane se,chupke zamaane se,palko ke pardein mein ghar bharliya hain ...tera sahaara milgaya hain zindagi" from Sadma,enjoy life as it comes,keep that smile intact:)