"Dil ki Kalam se"

I guess she still hopes to see Raja again, Never been alone from the day we brought her home, Raja was her hero, her partner and the one whom she followed everywhere and now she is all over the house searching for him. But i guess in last two months she got used to his absence but then at times there is that look on her face which shows the loneliness. I wish death never happens but i know its a bitter truth and we all have to live with it. I only hope to be a little more stronger and accept this truth. Cannot let it break me down so badly.

15yrs of friendship and a small argument and i heard a line from a dear friend saying "we are not asking you people to leave, we want a separate state, you can live here if you want" and it made me speechless. Stung like a bee, who am i? Coming from one of the most fertile region is my mom and dad from one of the most backward region and i am born and brought up in Hyderabad.Settled in Bangalore, so where do i belong to? Regionalism took way the faith in a 15yr old relationship. Hurt and angry, i don't want to take calls from him. Don't know if i am wrong but for now, i feel much better to be away from arguments about division of states:)

Hubby is in Hyd, been home alone past three days, it feels so good and i also realized something, When he is away i miss him and when he is at home i always crib and argue with him (well, not always) When at home he doesn't talk much but when he is out of town he will sure call every few hrs to know if i am OK and if i had my food.Brings a smile, strange relation this one, says nothing but makes you feel so special yet.

He is bringing this plant(Radha manoharam) from amma's garden, holding it in a box and keeping it on the berth in the train, because i love the feel of having a plant from home,to make me feel a part of the place i grew up in.

I am happy, i know its not easy for him to do all this, the one who travels only with his laptop and minimum luggage and prefers a flight most of the time, not easy to bring plants, fruits and veggies and home made sweets and my sarees and random list of purchases which i demand from amma and MIL. He will crib but he will bring them all, in a train, missing his precious sleep and when i am opening all those packets he sits there silently, listening to me, not understanding half of the importance of each little thing there but still trying to understand the emotions. Thanku Sri:)

New year, new hopes and i wish half of them to turn to reality. Winter is fading away slowly, The morning sun brings nice warm feeling and my garden is in bloom.Roses and hibiscus which i use for the morning puja and the sunlight early in the morning covering my kitchen utility and the the smell of incense sticks and the smell of strong coffee, the vibrant colors of nature all around and silence in the house,
I thank god for the peace and for the hope. I don't believe in resolutions but i promise myself about a few things. One, i will continue blogging, it helps and second, I won't let the weaker me take over my strength, i wont let myself hurt so much that ----------, i wont let anybody play with my emotions, Simply stating, i won't let anyone make me cry easily and i wont loose my patience. And yes, one last but most imp for me, I will accept life as it comes to me:)
Cheers, have a wonderful Monday morning all of you. Thank you for all the comments in the last post, means alot to me. Makes me happy, makes me smile and makes me write:)

I am listening to "Phoolon Ke Rang Se Dil Ki Kalam Se Tujhko Likhi Roz Paati, Kaise Bataaoon Kis Kis Tarah Se Pal Pal Mujhe Tu Sataati, Tere Hi Sapne Lekar Ke Soya Teri Hi Yaadon Mein Jaaga,Tere Khayaalon Mein Uljha Raha Yoon Jaise Ki Maala Mein Dhaaga" from Prem pujari. Heard it before? if not go and listen to it. One of the most beautiful songs:)

RIP

I thought i will have a thousand words to say but right now all i have is silence, the tears wont stop and the pain wont go away. You left us, silently, middle of the night, without a sound, just resting your head on the shoulder, you stopped breathing, we knew you will go but then no one is ever prepared, RAJA, we miss you, i don't want to go back to a house where you wont be there. 40 days with out eating food, you knew you have to go, we tried every damn medicine, every damn injection and glucose and whatnot, but as if you were telling us to let go. we stopped, after 30days, not before giving a last look at your frail body and the tiredness on your face when we took you to the doc one last time. We wanted you to leave in peace, not in pain, the last ten days you just were lying in the bed, and one night you left, just like that. Its been 11yrs when you first came into our life. I wish you could be with me forever, i dreamed of introducing you to our kids, to see how you will react but then you had to leave. I have nothing more to say, the tears wont stop. God bless you kid, be safe in the heaven.

Raja
RIP

1998-2009

Musafir

All through the train i was singing and don't ask me which song,the list is big but thanks for the music and the camera the journey was good,and Mr.Husband (Tumka,tumka) was silent,Or shall i say as usual Silent,and answers in monologues like Hmmm, Ok,Yeah, fine,Huh:( How does this man survive without talking?? Anyways, He had is usual means of entertainment,Yeah,the same old laptop and newspapers and Outlook Money,Huh.Now a few of the words presented in the form of Pictures:) what to do,Better than talking in monologues:(

From the train,was greeting with such beautiful colors at 6am.

At home,On Diwali evening,i love lamps,of all forms:)

At Hyderabad,just outside my bedroom window i have a neighbor,
nice house mate:)

From the terrace,welcoming the winter sun:)

Ok,may be come inside and taste those mirchi bajji and chikki
and all you are eating lady,You come all the way from bangalore only to eat ,huh!!!

Sunset,on the way to Shirdi from Pune,How do i know its sunset?
Because i took the picture:D

Mr.Husband,i do like Lotus but don't you think there are so many varieties
of flowers and you can give a rose at least once?? out of two times you
gave flowers it was only Lotus:( No, No complaints:D

And for a few more pictures or to know what was Tumka's gift for Tumki head here:) to my kitchen

Ek Sham...

I have done very few tags in three years of blogging,Yes,been three years already,SO many things changed,but then Things change,so do people and here i am,Writing 7 Random things about myself:) I was tagged by two Food bloggers,Yup the current craze is food blogging and i do have one for myself .

Jyothi and Bharathi,Here are seven random things about me, and i don't want to tag anyone but yes,i want to hear it from Stone,(Atleast that way you will write something more than cricket:D) Pallavi,Its been long since you have done Tags lady) Gayatri{And its been long since we both had a nice emailing session gaya,i will resume it soon)

I am a difficult person to deal with,I am a cleanliness freak,i am an order freak and i am crazy about being in control in whatever situation,Very few people who are close to me know me and how emotional i can be at times,if not for them the general impression about me is that i am Arrogant and that's a nice label which i wear proudly on my sleeve:),No harm,as long as i don't hurt anyone doesn't matter what you perceive about me,There are people who know me the other way and thank god for that;p

I am obsessive about music,When i hear a song i need to get it no matter what.There are times when i walked up to the reception of hotels to find what song they are playing and where can i get it and there was one time when the guy at the billing counter informed me that he got it all recorded personally and i cannot find such a combination in any music center, we convinced him to give us the CD for ten minutes,rushed to buy a new CD,went to a Net center,got it written and then went back to the restaurant to get back my friend whom we kept there in lue of the CD,yes,i did that:)

I started cooking exactly an year back,i started cooking after my marriage,before that i have never been into the kitchen to cook,No matter What.But to tell you the truth i hate cooking,i do it because i need to,and every cooking session for me is not an art but a science project which has to be completed with precision if you want correct results,thats how i cook,Precision,timed,Perfect combinations and using my head and not my heart,thats why i say i am not a good cook,I cook because i have no other choice:(

I don't forgive people easily,Well,thats what is said at least,I guess it depends,most of the times if i am hurt by the one who is close to me i don't forgive easily,if it is someone whom i don't know or who has no idea about me i take it much more easily,I am like that:)

If someone asks me what or whom i miss most about staying away from my family i would say My dogs,Yes, I mean it. They both are the two kiddos who love me to bits without any expectations and i miss the way they jump on to me and their innocent faces make me all happy and forget any pain in this world.

Each day i hum one song till the people around me get bugged,husband putting cotton in his ears,mom screaming in frustration and i do it silently even when i am in an important meeting or attending seminars. Sometimes even while sleeping i suddenly remember songs and it goes on in my head till i drift off into deep slumber.Today it was "Roz sham aathi thi,magar aisi na thi,roz roz ghata chaathi thi,magar aisi na thiye aaj mere zindagi mein....."

When i am stressed or restless or angry i start cleaning the house,or start scrubbing the tiles or s floor or even better,I start eating and if all these are not working then I sleep,and i am fine when i wake up:)
Ok,one more...

I love rain,i just cannot resist drenching myself when the clouds are pouring,The best time was to stand in the beach and watch the waves meeting the rain drops,I did,I was there,there was water every where, my feet getting wet with the waves splashing the shore and the rain drops hitting my face,and i always remember it when i am watching rain.

Music,rain and silence,My favorite combination to be in love with myself,the Magic is woven at such moments:) The magic of falling in love with oneself,the magic of loving life,The magic of being alive and being able to feel it all.....Isn't life all about that unknown magic which weaves such moments which help us keep going on with life,Knowing there are uncertainties but we still look forward to such tomorrow, Hoping that there is a magic there too,waiting for us:)
"Choti si kahaani se,baarisho.n ke pani se saari waadi bhargayi,naajaane kyon,dil bhargaya,njaane kyon Aankh bhargayi"

Pic courtesy :Google

With Love-From Hyderabad:)

Welcome,our gates are always open for you
and we wait with flowers any time:)

Knock knock,Anybody home;p

This is my favorite spot any day,
love sitting here and watching all those birds in the garden.

My favorite{70yrs} araam chair which has my
grandfather's name scribbled on to it.

Wow,wow and big woooooooooooooooow;p

We occupy the roadside also and plant trees,
wish i can see the road but nope:)

Mummy,Yummieee coconuts, nariyal pani in hot
summer afternoons is free in this house:)

Whats up buddy,you came for a day and all
i see is that you are damn busy with that camera.

Ok Lady,Lets get over with this and then i want
to come inside the house,No matter what!!!

Oh God,Will you stop clicking now,
we are kind of tired of giving those poses;p

If you are stubborn so am I,
Let me take a nap in your favorite almost 90yr
old chair your nani gifted to you,now stop frowning,
you know i love this chair,
be good and let me own it as always:)

god,you are impossible,forget it lady,i have all
my eyes on that butterfly over there,
how dare she is entering my territory;p

If god ever asked me if i wanted any changes in my little world i would say NO:) Life is beautiful with love,music and memories " hasthe hathe,katjaaye rasthe,zindagi yunhi chalthi rahe,kushi mile ya ghum,badlenge na hum,zindagi chahe badalthi rahe"

Pati,Patni Aur Woh.

Dear R,Stop scaring people,specially kids,stop feeling that you are a human,and stop barking at all fellow dogs,you wont find a girlfriend if you do so,you are not supposed to eat icecreams, samosas and mirchibajji and sweets.And now,off with your arrogant look on that cute face of yours,just because you were named the KING doesn't mean you act like one,by the way that chair on which you regally spend more than half of your day is inherited by me from my granny three years back,and its 75yrs old,so can i sit in it once without you barking and shooing me away,
And that bed is mine too and i still cant believe that you thought i am going to harm mom when all i was trying was to lift her up in the air and you chased me for good ten min and calmed down only when mom assured you of her safety,thankyou mom,i owe you my life. but did i tell you that i love you the most:) yes,i do.

Dear S,now please stop staring at me with those "woh dear,plz someone feed me,i am starving,these ppl dont give me food" kind of look,will ya,and sure someone is going to call some dog protection cell and throw us in jail for torturing you poor soul,You have always been moms favorite,isn't it,and you always get away from any punishment because she never believes that you can do anything wrong,now how do i explain to her that looks can be deceptive.I know that secret extra cups of milk you get from mom when you ceremoniously follow her to kitchen at 4am, huh,you are her tail surely, "wherever you go,our network follows" has become your motto in life.
You cannot fool me,bhuhahahah {bloody hell,but you always fool me:(,dont you,and i end up sharing my already small with my height and size bed and lurk away to one corner waking up with stiff neck,back and whatnot.And will you please bring that new sandal of mine which you put away under the bed just because i scolded you.mom till date is not ready to believe that it was you and not R,Stop looking like that,i know you,and yes,I love you:)

Me:Dont they look cute and adorable,look at the way they are playing"

Hubby: Yeah,thankgod!!!!!!

Me:Now why that thankgod????

Hubby:They are not married,so they are having all the fun,i am so happy for them,what a dogs life it is ,sigh!!!!!
{whose????,no reply @#$%^@$%

VariousMoods

Do you want to watch Mithun chakravarthy the performer,Not Abhishek but Gurukanth Desai and excellent cinematography by Rajeev menon,and above all a good movie by Maniratnam,go watch GURU people,excellent movie and i thoroughly enjoyed it first day last show;p though i am not much convinced about the ending of the movie its a great entertainer with a message,Dare to dream,dare to make them real and also it was one of the most enjoyed evening of my 8 months married life,a movie with hubby and two of my best friends K & S and long drive home at mid night bugging hubby till he got me the long due icecream,while he was busy driving i was busy eating:)

Me :Why dont you drive faaaaaaaaaaaaast,overtake that vehicle in front"

Hubby: Well,with you behind the bike wont go beyond this speed"

Me: You mean i am plump? you are talking about my weight,mean fellow,i hate you"

Hubby: Errrr,i am only saying its not safe driving so fast with you behind"
huh,men! ! ! !

These two are the most important members of our family,Sometimes i wonder how it would have been had they used words to express their thoughts,what do they think of us? what do they feel about me?Their eyes say it all,and they fondly lick my face while i am sleeping,if i am crying they come and touch my hand,the moment i enter the house they bark and bark till i give them a big hug,they mob me and they keep searching my bag to see what i got them to eat.
Raja likes samosas and mirchibajji and all that we humans shall eat,he states it clearly through his actions that he is also a human,he hates fellow dogs,and he would sleep only on the bed,on the chair he sits and he relaxes on the diwan,He makes sure we know clearly about his rights and keeps reminding about our dutues towards him:)

and Sandy is the mild one,well,one look at his eyes and whole world will curse our family that we might be torturing him,dont give him food and that he is facing it all humiliation with silence,well,his eyes are always sad but he is the most pampered and the kid of the house,He needs mom all the time, he follows her religiously where ever she goes, today when i look back past few years of this house i know we laughed more and smiled more because of them,we bonded more as a family because of them,we forgot egos because of them,we felt more secure because of them, this is for you both my dear kiddos,you make our existence complete:) keep rocking.