Dear HusbanD

Well,i know the cake was yummy and exactly what you wanted,but the expression is still the same and i still have the same to you which i said last year .

Happy Birthday Dear Husband, Please do remember that just because the cake is for you that doesn't mean that you can eat every bit of it,Do keep me a share till i come back home,And no,i have not yet forgiven for eating 100gm of special Ooty chocolates in one sitting just because you were hungry and no,i have not yet come to terms with your concern that Onions have become costlier and your surprise that vegetables are costlier than what they were when you were 10 year old {Note to self:Never send him again to buy vegetables} and no, we cannot have Bhindi every day,no matter what,so please stop saying bhindi every time i ask you what to make for dinner or lunch or Breakfast.

And when i ask you how i am looking in a particular dress or a saree you are supposed to say Good or Very good or the best but not to stare Blankly and not ask WHY? or you look the same everyday!@#@$@!#!@#!@ .

For god sake,when you took me to the car dealer for the first time after negotiating with him for 3 times and say "Now i will see how you wont agree,deal with her for half an hour and you will come down on the price all by yourself,good luck,Life is not easy boss" No,you are not supposed to say that and yes,i do admit that the man did come down with the price,but you still@$#@$@$.

We are on the bike and when i comment "are we traveling on a bullock cart,why are you going so slow" you cannot answer "No,this is not bullock cart but when two buffaloes are sitting on the activa it works at the speed of a bullock cart" No dammit, you are not supposed to talk about my weight,how dare you do so.

Well,one last thing, when you said " You are a headstrong, rude, hot tempered and arrogant person but you are a sweet heart" It brought a smile, i know that you know me:) and do take it from me "you are a hot tempered,rude, arrogant person too but still you are the best suited for me;p Happy Birthday Husband:)

No,you cannot count the 28 days of last one month when you gave a treat to me for that new shirt,the new mouse for your system,for being bored and for the having a new hair cut, No matter what,i want a treat on this occasion,for your Birthday:)

"Tum Bhi chalo hum bhi chale ,chalti rahe zindagi,Na Zameen manzil na aasman ,zindagi hai zindagi,Peechhen dekhe na kabhi mudke raahon mein,Jhoome mera dil tumhe leke baahon mein,Dhadkon ki jubaan nith kahe daastan,Pyar ki jhilmil chhaon mein, Palti rahe zindagi"

Yes,the same song:)

Phirse Aayi O...

Winter is settling in its wings finally,I realized the feel of it when i saw the evening light gracefully entering through the open windows .There is chillness in the air,I am still not able to decide if i like winter mornings or evenings more, Both of them have an air of majesty in them,if the mornings wake me to the chirping birds the dew,fog and a kind of silence which sets in the house maybe because i am not much in a hurry, Yes,winter always starts with a vacation,that can be the reason why i love the days even more!!! Maybe:) The college is closed for 20days, and the mornings are usually a lazy affair, When i hear the click of the door being closed and a message waiting 'Have a good time' i know i am alone but not lonely, People still get surprised that i don't enjoy my mornings with a cup of coffee or tea and newspaper,No,i Don't, i have a different kind of addiction, I enjoy my lazy winter mornings with music,The house is so silent and i fill every nook and corner with music....Be it a "Bheega bheega mausam,beeni beeni khushboo,jaaga,jaaga jadoo or the ever beautiful "phir se aayi O badraa bidesiii,tere pankhon pe moti jadoongi....Tujhe mere kaale kamli vaale ki sau" but always they make sense,the quietness being slowly covered by the sense of belongingness,with nature or with oneself.

Whereas mornings are fast,giving away to the stubborn sun and by the mid morning the heat gets on to the nerves the evenings set in slowly as if lulling you into a deep sleep with warmth and affection.
Lazy afternoons and busy evenings,the kitchen fire glowing and showing the cullinary skills, what would be a winter evening without hot pakodas or pepper rasam,rice with papad ,No,there is still no Tea or Coffee to the list and while i wait i soak myself with music again,there i go with.."Roz sham aathi thi,magar aisii na thii,ye aaj mere zindagi mein kaun aagaya....' slow but soulful.
The woolens taken out,the Diwali coming up next week and the list is still being made,about flowers,sweets,lights,new... and occasional mosquito bites reminding that they too are invited by the winter.
The wait continues, the watch clicking every minute and the evening sun giving away to darkness,the sky going deep orange and the chillness in the breeze increasing th temptation to close the windows but i am adamant,i still want to be a host to the last few streaks of the fading light,Such a beauty and in a few minutes all will be dark and the sounds start,
Of switching the lights on ,the sounds of TV from next apt, someone playing loud music in the ground floor,the guys next door banging the door close and gates opening and closing and the kids from next building excitingly shouting out their greetings to someone,the dogs out side adding their part too,footsteps outside the main door,The wait continues....and with me is the music while the clock ticking away.......'Beeti na bitaaye raina,birhaa ki ye rainaa,Bheegi hue akhiyon ne...'

Ajnabi

Every day while i travel in this city one thought comes into my head silently,makes me wonder for a moment and then vanishes,i tell myself that with time it wont be long when i will just forget even you are/were a part of this city even before i stepped into this place,but then its been 7months here but each living day i have this feeling,Of knowing/not knowing someone in this crowd, zipping away fast and furious bikes and cars,buses and other vehicles,those hundreds of pedestrians walking fast to their destinations remind me that one in them might be known to me,the one who is not known anymore,
the one who is lost,but always there in thought,the same lanes where while walking you shared dreams with me,those which made me smile,and a few which made me Dream-of life,of love and one day it all ended in tears,Now,after such a long time while i silently walk down those lanes i am satisfied and in peace with myself,Everything ends one day and gives way to new hopes,new life and new dreams,i am content, now i don't fight the feeling that you are somewhere near, now i know that it ended for you too,Hoping and wishing that you too are walking in the lanes of memory with a content and peace of knowing that all ends and gives way to a new Beginning, I wish that smile stays forever,I wish that for you my dear stranger....Do you feel the same???

Ashayein-4

Birthday came and went,Old by another one Year which is just fine:) A few remembered,Called up, wished and lot many forgot,the people whom i worked with for 8years forgot and the people whom i called friends and gave space in my life and in this blog too forgot and a few whom i thought will sure forget remembered:) and they surprised,with wishes and calls and i ended up with smiles,.New city and nil friends,new work place and the thought that first time mom won't be there to wish me first in the morning {yeah,we are not so big about 12am wishes}..coupled with severe cold and too much of work i wasn't keen about birthday:) Went to work as usual and had a good time,Not bad to celebrate birthday with new colleagues,they were sweet enough to indulge me with lot of words and wishes:) Reached home,still something missing, knocked the door and when someone opened it i was screaming at top of my lungs and sure someone with a faint heart would have lost it.I still have no idea if i was laughing or crying but hubby says i did both.Yes,My mom was here,it was supposed to be a surprise,husband and brother and planned it.,I would never again say i hate surprises. Just her presence made so much difference and i am not angry with people who forgot,the people who just left it behind,or maybe nothing to do with her presence,Its time i realized too that priorities change,people change and so did I and we all moved on with our life's and all are happy in their own way,

changing some things, moving ahead of some friendships and leaving behind a unwanted relationship did good to me,and i just thank god for what has been given and no regrets for what i have lost,it was meant to be and i accept it:) I am happy in my small world with a few complaints and tears but it all vanishes with the love and the smiles and joy which spreads along.

It was truly a Happy Birthday and if i missed the rush,fun,hoards of friends,100's of sms and calls and loads of gifts and how 24hrs were never enough to meet them all I was also happy being content and calm,spending leisurely time with the two people whom i love and need the most, When i remembered that more or less past 15yrs she just waited for me to reach home,from friends,parties,college,she was the first person and last one too to wish me on this day,but rest i never spent time with her,i was busy and this time i made no mistakes, letting her oil my hair,talking about my wedding last year,gossiping about the relatives and yes,after one year of the wedding we both finally found time to talk about the food served and the silk sarees and gold worn by many and about the new designs and what not. First time again had home cooked food on my birthday,so long its been since i did that,
everything was different but every moment was precious,Every moment was filled with content,smiles and the feel that a new beginning has been made,I now know that the pace has slowed down but the moment has been just right and i am Happy,That matters,Isn't it?

i remembered this song.."aao tumhe chand pe lejaaye,pyar bhare sapne sajaaye,chota sa bangla banaaye,ek nayi duniya basaaye,aao tumhe chand pe lejaaye..."

Aaj mera jee karda.....

There is silence all around and i just drift of in to those memories,the days where life was simple,dreams were beautiful,people were a part of everything and you had a goal,a challenge,

all that laughter with a group of friends sitting in one corner in the Gokul chat bhandar or that icecream corner at Abids or that Johns bakery for sandwiches and that swati tiffin center at kachiguda where i always ordered chole bhatura no matter what,and that shop near to the college where hot samosas were delivered every morning at 9am and we used to line up for them,and then that drive over the tankbund or a walk with corn or bhel when it rained,

the waiting in the bus stops and trying to balance the books while standing and chatting with friends in the bus,handling those romeos whose just stared and stared, sitting in PR Sir's accounts class and playing anthyakshari with pen and paper,Sitting in the library for most part of the day right under the display board of "SILENCE PLEASE" and talking away to glory,bunking classes for the first show in maheshwari parameshwari theater.

sharing lunch boxes and gossips,those fights which happened in the seminar hall for planning the freshers and farewell,counting all those certificates and medals on the D day and waiting to reach home to mom and at times waiting at the public booth for making that one call to mom's office,waiting to here her voice and then excitedly telling her the result,and to hurry or the limited one re coins to be used will be over {I dont even remember when was the last time i used the land line or a public booth to make call},

Buying a Reynolds pen and a super delux long note book, carrying steel lunch box and a milton water bottle,that just time pass shopping at sultan bazaar and the ganne ka ras {sugar cane juice} at the entrance of the college,panipuri at the badichoudi where the moment he saw us he used to smile, the shanti selections showroom where we took 3hrs to select two chudidaars and then rejected them at the bill counter when and walked off while the salesman was still cursing us all:)

While Professor V walked into the classroom from the front door to teach economics we all used to rush out of the class from the back door,simple life,simple pleasures,that 100rs of pocket money was precious enough,Those simple dresses amma bought for festivites or birthday were worth all the smiles,there were no cards or bouquets of flowers,no sms but the wishes poured in from the loved ones,the early morning temple visits were refreshing,never celebrated mothers day but made sure to save money to buy a cheap nicknacks for amma or bro,that 10rs pen which he gave or that chocolate we shared tasted sweeter,daal chawal in the tiffin box was relished totally,
singing away the whole day i crossed one obstacle from another and one fine morning i found myself BUSY,with life and with the world,i was trying to create a future,i was on my way to becoming successful and i did,and when i looked around i found a decent bankbalance, this two bed room flat,the closed doors,the security lock,all the gadgets like the laptop,that dvd player,the music system,my two mobiles,and lot more,these which makes life Easy,entertaining,but i am busy,as always,rush through life,i have a mobile always with me but i have no time to call friends or amma,i keep it short always,i have N number of cd's with my favorite music but i have no time to listen to,I am Busy.How many times do we use this word in a day?

Stopped typing and looked out,these days i keep the windows open,i don't want to miss out on that cold breeze or that first drop of rain or that squirrel who occasionally gives me the company and then i heard a cuckoo singing one day,And it started raining,am i loosing my life to being busy? I felt depressed,scared,and it started raining,heavy rain and somewhere from some flat i heard a song in between the lashing rain,the song which is beautiful,amazing in its meaning and which says it all...i am smiling again,the high volume in which the song is played was a blessing,i could hear it all the way through the pouring rain,maybe there is a music lover in some room over there,who loves the life and knows how to make the most of it......

Aji mera jee karda ....
Rabba Rabba Mee Barsa, Saddi koti daaney paa .... (4)
kaava kaava kaava....
aaji mera ji karda ...

kaava kaava kaava
aaj mera ji karda, mei ut jaa naale haava vava
ki meri kismat ne (2) karditiya tandiya chaava ....
ke aaj mera (2) jee karda, mei lut jaava
lut jaa naale haava vava, aaj mera ji karda,

kaava kaava kaava ... aaj mera jee karda
lut jaavaa naal havaa vaaa .... ohh ...

Rabba Rabba Mee Barsa, Saddi koti daaney paa

sada neer achanchal paraiyan ki
khushiyan nachdiyan nachdiyan paraiyan ki
kaliyan rathan lagan paraiyan ki
gaavo toliyan gaavo toliyan gaavo toliyan
nijaa boliyan

Rabba Rabba Mee Barsa, Saddi koti daaney paa ....

I cannot translate the whole meaning but i am just trying to copy what i know of it.

"Hey bhagwaan,kaale badal barsao,
aaj mera dil kartha hain ki main jee bhar ke naachoo,
mere dil mein aaj tamannayein bhari hain,
kaash mein panchi ki tarah ud paatha,
kismath jagaai hain,barish ki boondein khushiya lekar aayi hain
,kaash mein us paatha,kaash panchi udaan lepatha......"

Live,and live with a smile,live and live with people around,
Live,and live to share with others,Live,and live to wipe a tear,
Live and live to tell a tale of the days gone by,but do so with a smile,
live,live to look forward for a tomorrow,for a better tomorrow,
Live,and live it to the fullest.
Have a wonderful day ahead all of you.

zindagi haseen hain

I want to be there,where dreams turn to reality,where the sea and sky embrace and whisper their love for eachother,at that moment i want to stand on the shores,holding your hand and let the silence speak,Life is tough,but with you around,solutions always come to me easily,Thankyou for being there.

This is one of my very favourite album and the combination of Gulzar and RD makes it even more special,and feels great to start your day with the song.........

"katraa katraa milthi hai, katraa katraa jeene do, zindagii hai, bahne do~~~~~
pyaasi hoon main pyasi rehne do,rehne do naaaaa,
tumne to aakash bichhaya,mere nange pairo main zameen hai,
dekhe to tumhaari aarzoo hai,,shayad aisi zindagi haseen hai,
aarzoo main bahne do,pyaasi hoon main pyaasi rehne do

halke halke kohre ke dhue mein,shayad aasman tak aagayi hoon,
teri do nigaho ke sahaare dekho tho kahaatha aagayi hoon,
kohre mein behne do,pyasi hoon mein pyasi rehne do

Me:What gift did you get me from there" {all excited and searching his airbag}

Hubby: Hmmm,errrrr,hmmm

Me:What??? you forgot,isn't it,so mean of you" {all th while ignoring a small box without any giftwrap in one corner of the bag.I walk off:( }

After 5 min he called me into the hall where he is all beaming and i notice a small porcelain gift,a girl and guy in a dancing pose and then i looked at him blank,he smiled and he connected a plug into the socket and turned on the switch and there started a small water fountain in there,oh,i understood,the girl was standing in a lotus,he was looking at me and i was looking at the "Eight wonder of the world"

Hubby:Did you like it" Me:Errr,hmmm, what made you bring me this?

Hubby:You like water,dont u?

Me:water!!!!!!!! oh,that {i told him i love sea,rivers and ponds and beaches but fountains?????" and that too as a gift????
And it reminds me of a gift i would give to a ten year old girl and i am not one.

Hubby: Oh,i though your are one,atleast you remind me one:)
What???? Huh,men !@#$%$#@!

Well,not bad that way,atleast he rememberd i like WATER:( in past eight months i got two stuffed dogs,{ He remembered i love pets} one parker pen,{i collect pens}a laptop{wanted me to finish my phd},a pendrive{so that i dont waste his cd's and dvd's} and now this.
Will i ever get something feminine? and he asked "Why do YOU need a feminine gift,thats for someone ....." Sigh,hope next week when he comes he wont bring something which reminds me of a 5yr kid:(indai

But dear hubby,if you are reading this,you know it very well that i love the way you are,dont change:D

Pic courtesy:Deviant art.
Album :Gulzar remembers Pancham.

Ek roj zindagi ke ru baru aa baithe

"Ek roj zindagi ke ru-baru aa baithe...
Zindagi ne poocha..dard kya hai..? Kyun hota hai..?
Kahan hota hai, yeh bhi toh pata nahi chalta....
Tanhai kya hai aakhir...?
Kitne log toh hain...fir tanha kyun ho...?
Mera chehra dekh kar zindagi ne kaha...
main tumhari judwa hun...mujhse naaraz na hua karo...!!
Film--Masoom.
Pic courtesy:Deviant art

Got a two line mail from a stranger today, a line in there goes something like "I dont know what the feeling is,but i really dont want to know it" It happens so many times isnt it,Not everything can be expressed in words,Not everything can have logics in life,no reasons needed,it just happens,and let it be what it is,a formless,wordless Expression,No nouns or verbs matter there,Language wouldn be a hinderance,feel it,its expressed,oh,very well expressed,but can you feel it? I can,I do,thats why Expressions of Silence do matter to me.

A smile at a stranger,a thankyou mumbled silently at a simple gesture which goes unheard, a silent prayer at the temple with no particular wish, a walk through the lanes where i grew up, an awkward hello to a neighbour whim i knew for more than 20yrs now,sitting in the kitchen varandah with the plate of Uttappam and coconut chutney early morning counting those red roses and coconuts in the garden,
mom fussing over me as if i have been away from her all my life,pampering which i never needed or was not given much when i was growing up here mostly because it was dicipline at that time,sitting in once up on my bedroom with mom,bro and my two fur brats and dozing off only to be awaken by the windchimes playing a soothing music,
talking about all the changes which took place in the house from last eight months,from the time i left this house to make my own sweet home,Whole day was spent in talking,i was giving her suggestions on how to maintain kitchen,yeah,I was telling her who managed everything single handedly all her life,New found independence of doing everything my way surely got on to my head i guess,but she was not annoyed,she was smiling and she said she will tryout,sarees,gold to promotions and new recipies,gossip and music,everything was to be shared,and there was so little time,Mom missed her afternoon nap.

I know she is trying to make most of the time i am giving her,i felt guilt building up in my heart,She who gave us all her life today craves for our time,did i get so busy with my life that now i count time in hours and min when i am with her?

And when the time came to leave she was still searching for and packing things she was storing for me all these days 'that small flower basket which she wanted to give me,those sweets she made,that shawl she brought from Mussorie,"but mom,i dont like sweets, i wont use this shawl" I cut the words before they came out.

I will taste those sweets which she packed in a small steel tiffin box,i will use that shawl which has embroidary on it,i will use the basket on my dining table,and i will use all her love as my strength and start a new life at a new place soon,I know she will be happy when she knows i am happy in my little world.

But in all this i wanted to say something to her,i wanted to hug her,but both of us are not used to expressing our affection on face,i wish i could,Everyone says i am good with words,but today when i had to say it to her i was silent,I just waved at her and smiled,she was standing there till she could catch a glimpse of me while i travelled back to my own life,But mom i still want to say "I love you the most"

Chote chote sapne..zindagi ke.

I have been humming this song past two days and it goes with my mood too."Tum Bhi chalo hum bhi chale ,chalti rahe zindagi,Na Zameen manzil na aasman ,zindagi hai zindagi,Peechhen dekhe na kabhi mudke raahon mein,Jhoome mera dil tumhe leke baahon mein,Dhadkon ki jubaan nith kahe daastan,Pyar ki jhilmil chhaon mein, Palti rahe zindagi"

Winter is here and atlast i could feel the chill in the air,i love this season,something about it makes me feel content and happy.The first sun rays,the morning dew,lazy days and cozy nights and freshness in the air,the festivities of Christmas and new year all around and fresh flowers and lots of greenery all around.I love this season. Went home a few days back and my house was all filled with flowers and greenery and its so cold when compared to our apt.Miss being there and being with mom.But then chaltha hain na:)

Dear Hubby,
I felt strange today,I still have no idea how come you are not excited about it,How can you sleep like a log and not taking any calls at middle of the night,How can you not wear new dress or how can you not feel special,How can you go about your routine and be content with home cooked food and prefer staying home with a few movies and music and sweets.
How come you don't jump around or worry about the day coming to an end,How come you are not sad that you have to wait for one more year to feel it all again,and the only shocked reaction pleasantly was when you saw mom and bro calling you at middle of the night just to say that they are waiting at the gate to wish,they traveled all the way to give a surprise to you and you were not ready to believe it that they came all the way to be with you for 10 min,and i know its kind of new to you to see so much of affection but then you better get used to it all and by the way did you get my two messages which i sent yesterday night when you were snoring away to glory?
You never showed any reaction! ! ! ! but then i got adjusted to your way of living already,so Here it is for you my dearest husband........Happy Birthday To You. No problem if you want to celebrate it your way or not to celebrate it at all,but i will keep celebrating it for you and by the way I don't want my birthday to be this way,you already have a taste of it and please do keep giving me bigger surprises and biiiiiiiiiiiiiig and huuuuuuuuuuuuge gifts every year.God bless you and have a wonderful life {with me},Keep behaving,keep listening to me,please keep waking up at 6am to open the door to the maid,and make your own coffee and keep filling those water bottles and keep saying that whatever i cook is good {i would prefer you say wonderful} and more than anything please do let me use the laptop all the time and follow the instructions when i give them:D
Your loving commanding,demanding,dictator wife.

Dear hubby called me while i was out
Him: I am hungry and cooking rice,how many whistles do i wait for?

Me: R u sure you can handle it? clean the rice and pour a glass of water and use the gas cut and then wait for two whistles,and the whistle is in that small box on the right side of the platform.

Him:Oh,i can handle it,you don't worry.

After half and hour i called him up to see whats up.
Me: had your food?
Him: No,i am still waiting for the whistle.
Me: whattttttttt? it hardly takes 10 min for that small cooker,what did you do?
Him: Nothing.

Me: What do you mean nothing {then it occurred to me} did you light the gas stove??
Him: Oh { i heard him muttering to self but he quickly recovered and says } But you never told me to on the gas.

Huh,Men!!!!!!!!!!!!