Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Anandam

Another day filled with silence and i just let it be, waking up late i tried listening to faint sounds of the familiar chirping. They come everyday, the sparrows, One in particular is like a good student, at 7am it comes, eats the grains i keep for it, drink the water and the perches up on to the mirror near the washbasin. And stays there till 6pm, Why the fascination for mirror?Maybe the image makes it feel there is another bird, Illusion perhaps.. But i let it be. He seems to be happy and content, He is been coming past 20 days or more, But then i got worried, It isn't doing anything, but just keeps looking into the mirror, all the time, i had to do something, i covered the mirror with a cloth and it came, confused, sat on the grill for sometime and then it left in the afternoon, and today i tried to hear his chirping, But it was all silent, I checked, it isn't there ,Maybe he will come later, but no, Its almost 4pm, there is no sign of the bird, the water and the grains are still there.
I guess it found a real companion, the one which can fly with him, chirp along and search for food... Maybe tomorrow they both will come back here in search of the grains... For today it left.....I made a bird house, left it near the grill, when they come in search of a home this might help them...

Strangely the whole episode sounded familiar, long back i lived in an illusion too, Most of us who thought we knew the definition of love, life lived like that, In an illusion, but one day it helped to fly, when i was hurt, i was denied that illusion ruthlessly, i thought i will die, i wouldn survive, but i did, i lived to tell a tale of a bird today, Nothing will make me give up in life, that one episode of fighting for survival, fighting the shackles of unknown illusion gave the strength, to get a new positive colorful vibrant life and today i hope the bird finds its true companion, i hope a friend who is hurt and down today and feels betrayed finds that true self soon.



The gardener said i cannot grow a Jasmine plant in a pot, he said i need lot of place, that i wouldn't be able to grow it in my apartment , But i know i would, all i needed was a little care, little more caution a bit of risk, and i was ready to take all the three, care, caution and risk, and today it is proudly sitting in my balcony, when i look at it i know i did the right thing, lot of life's decisions when i take i will do the same, take a cautious risk and be careful too. Life is simple, it just needs to be nurtured in style:)


Long time back a friend was down and dejected with life and i gave him a music cassette, i told him to listen to the songs whenever he is alone, whenever he is depressed, and after 6 yrs he came to Bangalore to be with me for two days and i put the same songs and we both had a knowing smile, which said we can go on, nothing should stop us from smiling and living again and again, no matter what, we wouldn't give up and i am proud of him, he dint give up, And we three friends stayed up late in the night and were listening to the songs, singing and talking and rewinding last 12 yrs, and the three days just went off in a jiffy. You can listen to the song from Anandam(meaning Happiness) here..


One person whom i owe my happiness to, one person who brings a smile so effortlessly in my life, He who does n,t remember his birthday, who cannot react when given gifts, who has a shy smile when given a card and never expresses in words, Wouldn care if it were a black forest cake or a vanilla, but needs to dig into it asap, who would never understand whats the big deal in wishing at 12am, and the one who turns older by one more year, Happy birthday Husband,keep rocking:)


Monday, November 10, 2008

Ajnabi zindagi


There is absolutely no reason, Not any which i can think of, Not for the long silence. I was silent, just like that, absorbing the sights and surroundings of this city, i have been singing..."ajnabi shehar hai,ajnabi shaam hai,zindagi ajnabi kya tera naam hai,ajeeb hai ye zindagi ye zindagi ajeeb hai,ye milti hai bichadthi hai bichadke phir se milti hai,Ajnabi shehar hai" So true and such beautiful lyrics.

Diwali was lonely, most of the so called friends went home and the neighbours smiled and got busy. After lighting the lamps and done with puja we had time, and that brough back memories and memories bring back tears, of happiness, of pain... of lonliness, of missing laughter and the beauty of innocence... all lost, i am an empty man today... long back someone sent it as an sms i guess...

All said and done, this city is my own now, i live here, i now have a subjiwala, a milk man who recognizes me, istriwala, the lady who sells flowers gives me a knowing smile, the waiter smiles at me when i walk into MTR, the salesmen recognize me at SKC and i know in which lanes of chikpet i will get beautiful sarees and where i can find the best handbags and i love the V V Puram lanes where aromas of benne dosas mesmerizes everyone in the evenings, i argue with autofellows,i say "Beda" to the vendors at the traffic signals.

"Namaskaara sir" i greet the old attender near the lift in the college daily. He smiles fondly, I now know that i get wonderful varities of plants at Lalbaagh and i am happy that i find Khadims, Ohris, Sheerkhorma , hindi, panipuri, Masala bhel,pavement shopping, bargaining, jasmines in the evening, dosas and idlis and freshly made coffee smell.....Everything i am used to in the hometown is here too.
I have a home here, home, sweet home, which we struggled for, planned for, which we fought over,where to keep the diwan, which side of the bed to be owned, which would be my study table, where will i keep the plants and what music will be played... everything we own... But what i miss the most is the familiarity... the family, friends and the life once which belonged to me...the one i left behind for a new life. A trade off... made after lot of thinking and deliberation but then.."life is not all about using your logic, its about the heart which is filled with emotions..."

I miss what is left behind, i walk down the memory lane with a smile, there is so much to remember, to feel and to relive again, hand in hand we both walk together, over those wet lanes of memory recollecting the shells of happiness and sharing it with eachother... the tradeoff is worth it, Diwali was lonely but i was not alone..........

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Birthday:)

Thank you Hip grandma and Sree for the award. I feel great and honored.



I wanted to say a lot, to write again, but words fail me and emotions choke me up, I miss everything gone by and i thank god for what i have today. Thank you for the mails, messages, cards and gifts, and thank you for remembering.
 

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