"Din aaye,Din jaye...

"Aao huzoor tumko sitaaro.n pe lechalu.n.. Dil doob jaaye aise, bahaaro.n mein lechaloo..." special program on O.P Nayyar and someone in the building chose to make us all hear the song late in the night. Saturday night is relaxing, more so when you know Sunday is just next morning:) I am waiting...Summer is knocking the doors and i am preparing for the arrival. Sunday is a beautiful day, seriously, i love the kind of contended afternoon silence which fills the atmosphere in our building.

The afternoon sun tries to filter through the curtains and i like the play of the gentle breeze and the sun on my bright orange curtains. Orange every where, the hibiscus is saying hello, Letting me know the summer is almost here.

am looking forward for summer holidays, i know its a good two months before i can really enjoy them but then nothing wrong in waiting for them, and while i do so Mohit chauhan is enjoying "Masakkali..." from Delhi 6, the guy is not just singling it but enjoying it too, Nothing like having a song re vibrate through the silence of the silent afternoon.

Newspapers on the bed, lazy breakfast sessions and laughter flowing with the cups of coffee enjoyed with friends makes it all satisfying.

Husband looks out of the newspaper and makes a statement.." Recession everywhere.. what if?"Hmmm, big question, what if? I am not god but i won't let the negative pessimism creep into me, Recession might take away my bank balances or the house or the job, but it wont take away myhappiness. Easy isn't it.. I asked him.we cannot be scared, we are not made to be scared, both of us saw bitterness early in life, the highs and lows, nothing new, Ek aur sahi, kyun?

The smile is back on his face..." hmmm, if not here we will go back to our village" Laughter boomed the room, yeah, village, which he went when he was a kid, some 25yrs back, where they grow paddy, wheat, chilli, sweet lemons, sugarcane, which we get loads into our tiny flat whenever someone comes from village to this concrete jungle.We will go, i assure him, will we be able to adjust there? Now i know the questions won't stop. God gave us imagination and we use it wildly.

"You pray every day? don't you" I ask him. I do.. then from tomorrow tell him to give you strength to adjust anywhere, in whatever circumstances, with anyone, any kind of life but let there be smile and happiness.

"Does he listen?" Well, he does, doesn't he? If not then every morning we wouldn smile silly for simple reasons. hmmm, you are right" Well, i am.

Because that's what helps me to go ahead in life, whenever there are tears i wait for my turn to smile, when there is a battle lost i try to make it up with a win the next time, when there are clouds of sadness, i search for a silverline which makes it worth living, When there is pain i wait for it to go. and then the smiles will be back, in one or the other way, The doors are closed but the lights of happiness will still creep in, in one or the other way, i am biggest example, trust me, Don't give up:)

I went back to my sunday silence, i want to soak up in the silence, in the warmth of the sun, let the floor tiles glow in the sunlight and the evening takes over before i switch on the lights, light up the lamp, Close the windows and doors, draw the curtains close, turn on the mosquito mats, prepare for the dinner, mentally getting ready for the crazy monday and the week ahead.
Life is so busy:( but well, who said we cannot make the most of it, I can, I do and I will, that's what keeps me going, enjoying the moment, making it look big, making it special, making it wonderful, the dull silent sober Sunday afternoon looks to me exotic, wonderful, filled with happiness:) Well, its all in the way we think and feel. I feel beautiful, So do you:) Don't you? Have a happy week........ Keep singing "Sawan ki ghata chhayi, yeh dekh ke dil jhooma.. lee pyar ne angdayi , deewaana hua badal" (Mohd. Rafi}

Yes, O.P.Nayyar is one of the best music directors Indian cinema can remember forever.

"Bekaar ki baatein"

Why do you have to be upset? Why do you need that mask to cover your feelings anytime? Why are you scared of showing that soft side of your emotions to people? Why do you have to talk to your blog and not to real people? Why are you so rigid? What makes you lock yourself in? Why don't you let anyone know your inner self?

How many questions, how many times i just avoid it, it hurts, its irritating and at times its comforting that you are trying to know me... But i never give you an answer, do i? Well, i just ended up giving the answer here, i still have no strength to answer the questions, its been more than three years but the wounds are still raw, It terribly hurts even today....... I wish i can speak about it.. but i won't.

I don't let anyone know about me, i never trust anyone and neither do i smile at anyone, never the first one to make a conversation, not a friendly person or not easy going......... I know all the terms by heart now but this is so much better than..........." Being walked all over by people just because you trust them, you smiled, you shared laughter, and they left the pain forever, you just wipe someone's tears and they take away your smile forever. The pain of being left alone, the pain of being laughed at, being mocked at just because you trusted..... dammit, the tears still flow, but dint i get over them? "The words still ring in my ears " I now Don't need you"

Now you know why i lock myself in? so that i am safe. Thank you for asking.

tumhaari meri baatein

Yesterday evening, The twilight was beautiful, the setting sun, the home bound birds and cold breeze and as always the silence, The coconut palms were swaying to the musical breeze, the picture is from our balcony, There is not much noise in the apartments, i felt little sad, three families in the floor are out of town, and the rest stay indoors mostly, i don't know who is in the next floor, the basement is almost empty with no cars, the watchman is sitting silently near the gate watching outside road, The dog from the next building is busy silently sitting and watching the empty surroundings and no kids outside in the basement, the cycles not honking and no screaming or loud cheers from them, most of them have gone home for vacation, But what do we do who made this place a home, Nothing much i thought:)

Watered the plants, watched them glowing in the evening glory, the little water drops look like fresh pearls, Suddenly the sadness gave way to a smile, A smile filled with content, the empty apartment floor or the basement now doesn't seem so lonely, Free and silent it is but these are the good times, before we hit the word busy again, the holiday time and what more can i ask for, i am in my home, sweet home, Friends may join us on 31st, the phone rang...

the neighbors who now double up as good friends called from Ooty, they are starting from there on 30th, her words are still ringing in my head "Neelu, we will celebrate new year together" The family whom i know for less than six months are coming back without having more fun with their family because they didn't like the fact that we are alone here.... Such is life, simple pleasures, simple happiness and simple reasons to smile. I remember what Amma says always "You will get back what you give to others",

smiles, fun, sharing, care, affection, celebrations, Live, Let live, Joy, tears, Pain, sharing, wiping them away, filling life with new colors, Its beautiful to be living, awesome to be blessed with happiness, Enjoy till it lasts, Rest we will see....

I suddenly wanted the silence to go, and the music filled the air, the recent favourite from Rock on filled the air...... Beautiful song and beautiful lyrics........ See you all in the new year, Happy new year guys, have a wonderful time, play safe and make merry:)

"yeh tumhaari meri baatein hamesha yu hi chalati rahein
yeh hamaari mulaakaatein hamesha yu hi chalati rahein
beetein yu hi apne saare din raat
baaton se nikalati rahein nayi baat
phir wahi baatein leke geet koyi hum likhein
jo dil ko, ha sabke dil ko chhu le
baatein suron mein yu hi pighalati rahein
baatein geeton mein yu hi dhalati rahein"