Baatein

Four months in 2009 will be done with in another 3 days and the list of things i did in these 4 months scared me, when did i become so busy and the To Do list is even more lengthier:( I just made a list of a few random things which makes me smile:) Life is good.

• Went to Hyderabad 3 times in four months.
• Done with M.Phil exams in march, preparation time= 3 hrs for 2 exams:)
• Going to Hyderabad in another week's time, Again:)
• Met with a small accident, made it a big issue.
• 4 months and i took 9 days off from work:)) Advantages of being a teacher.
• Had at least 12-14 days holidays, again the perks of being a teacher.
• Indian railways needs to award me for traveling with hoards of luggage.
• The amount of luggage i keep transferring between hyd and Bang is mind boggling.
• I get all my sarees dry cleaned in Hyd once in 2 months ( benefits of being pampered)
• Amma sends me garam masala, dry copra, haldi, mirchi powder, tamarind juice, ghee, papad every month,all home made:)
  
• MIL & Amma compete in buying sarees and crockery for me.
• I save money and you know the reason for my bank balance now:)
• Tickets are booked always either by hubby or brother:)
• When i am coming back from Hyd one bag will always be filled with pickles,sweets and savouries. Always:)
• The rats in Yashwanthpur second AC compartment love me the most:) Or my luggage:))
• When i get down in bang and reach home i am not worried about cooking, amma packs curds, biryani, curries, puri and sambhar for the day, i just use microwave to heat it:))
• Coconuts, mangoes, and a few varity of green leaves, curry leaves always make way into the luggage:)
• My hand luggage always is filled with magazines, music player, mobile, camera, gold ornaments and popcorn:)
• When i get down at hyd bro waits with car and i just get in:), when i return, hybby waits at bangalore station, i get in the car, rest is always taken care:))) no,not by me.

Well, why all this now you may ask:) Because all good things might end one day and i want to remember that i am the first one who has been pampered so much by the people who loved me. The love will last forever.
Did i tell you that i am resuming blogging again:) Yes, officially i am back on facebook, orkut, twitter, thanks to the Happy vacation which is soon starting. And the picture above is that of a picture perfect pose giving by the darlings of the house:) All i had to say is call their names:) Did i not say Life is good:) Yes, it is.

"Musafir"

At 11.30 pm i wanted to write, i want to write a post, its raining, Alone at home, i kept listening to the rain drops, the sounds, the silence, and i wanted to listen to the songs from my phone but which one? I started checking the list..." Megha chaye aadhi raat, bairan hogayii nindiya.. bathaa main kya karoon.." or "teraa meraa pyar amar, fir kyon mujhko lagtha hain darr..." or "Musaafir hoon main yaaron. na ghar hain na tikaana.." or naam gumjaayega, chehraa ye badal jayega.." or "Aanewaala pal, jaanewala hain" 74 songs and i just kept checking and then it came, the one which made me getup and switch on my laptop again.

"Neela Aasmaan So Gaya,...
aansu'on Mein Chand Dooba Raat Murjhaayi ,
zindagi Mein Door Tak Phaili Hai Tanhaayi ,
jo Guzre Ham Pe Woh Kam Hai,
tumhaare Gham Ka Mausam Hai
Yaad Ki Waadi Mein Goonje Beete Afsaane
hamsafar Jo Kal The Ab Thehre Woh Begaane"

Kept listening to the song again and again, started typing but all those lines which i frmaed mentally are gone now. blank again!!!! I dont know what to write or i forgot.
The next song started on my music player, its a tamil song, from my favourite movie "Mounaraagam" All these days i wanted the telugu verson of it, and today when i found it i realised i dont want to listen to it. i will stick to what i was listening to before. Same singer, same lyricist and music director i guess but somewhere something was missing. Happens, does it happen with you? same but not the same?
I am the same old person but i heard a friend saying " You changed" Maybe i did. Or maybe not. Who has the time or need to think. I like just the flow of it, of life i mean. What may seem right today may feel utter foolish in future. there is nothing called right or wrong. Its situational. Now i feel better. I stopped arguing, fighting for anything, using words, i keep mum, silent, busy with my readers digest and music when at work, with my tv or novel when at home. I feel good, i feel fine, i am happy this way too:) I dont miss anything, Today i am happy, as always.

Music never can make me sad. It only makes me silent, it takes me back to memories and then there i feel my eyes are moist:) I am listening to "Hum the jinke sahaare, woh hue na humaare, doobi jab dil ki nayaa,........ and i know the one next in the list..." Ek main aur ek thu hain,aur hawa mein jadoo hain" i can listen to both one after the other.

I switch to my all time fav...." Musafir hoon main yaaron, na ghar hain na tikhaana,bas chalthe jaana hain....."

I dont want to write now, i dont know if i will write again, i dont remember i have a blog many times, i do read other blogs, but silent, no comments, just vanish. I dont know why but my favourite word always would be "Silence" Maybe thats why when i started blogging..i called it "Expressions of Silence"

I wont say goodbye, but then who knows............ I suddenly tried remembering bloggers who now left blog world, we tried keeping in touch, and then slowly it started fading away, the emotions, the feeling. Busy is the word. there are so many. Do they remember me? I still do. I guess i will remember everyone who made a difference, at Akruti or now at Alapana.

I want to come back but now i dont believe in Promises. Don't wait for me, But will u be here when i come back? i hate empty houses, but then i am the first one to leave...... Maybe good bye:)

"Din aaye,Din jaye...

"Aao huzoor tumko sitaaro.n pe lechalu.n.. Dil doob jaaye aise, bahaaro.n mein lechaloo..." special program on O.P Nayyar and someone in the building chose to make us all hear the song late in the night. Saturday night is relaxing, more so when you know Sunday is just next morning:) I am waiting...Summer is knocking the doors and i am preparing for the arrival. Sunday is a beautiful day, seriously, i love the kind of contended afternoon silence which fills the atmosphere in our building.

The afternoon sun tries to filter through the curtains and i like the play of the gentle breeze and the sun on my bright orange curtains. Orange every where, the hibiscus is saying hello, Letting me know the summer is almost here.

am looking forward for summer holidays, i know its a good two months before i can really enjoy them but then nothing wrong in waiting for them, and while i do so Mohit chauhan is enjoying "Masakkali..." from Delhi 6, the guy is not just singling it but enjoying it too, Nothing like having a song re vibrate through the silence of the silent afternoon.

Newspapers on the bed, lazy breakfast sessions and laughter flowing with the cups of coffee enjoyed with friends makes it all satisfying.

Husband looks out of the newspaper and makes a statement.." Recession everywhere.. what if?"Hmmm, big question, what if? I am not god but i won't let the negative pessimism creep into me, Recession might take away my bank balances or the house or the job, but it wont take away myhappiness. Easy isn't it.. I asked him.we cannot be scared, we are not made to be scared, both of us saw bitterness early in life, the highs and lows, nothing new, Ek aur sahi, kyun?

The smile is back on his face..." hmmm, if not here we will go back to our village" Laughter boomed the room, yeah, village, which he went when he was a kid, some 25yrs back, where they grow paddy, wheat, chilli, sweet lemons, sugarcane, which we get loads into our tiny flat whenever someone comes from village to this concrete jungle.We will go, i assure him, will we be able to adjust there? Now i know the questions won't stop. God gave us imagination and we use it wildly.

"You pray every day? don't you" I ask him. I do.. then from tomorrow tell him to give you strength to adjust anywhere, in whatever circumstances, with anyone, any kind of life but let there be smile and happiness.

"Does he listen?" Well, he does, doesn't he? If not then every morning we wouldn smile silly for simple reasons. hmmm, you are right" Well, i am.

Because that's what helps me to go ahead in life, whenever there are tears i wait for my turn to smile, when there is a battle lost i try to make it up with a win the next time, when there are clouds of sadness, i search for a silverline which makes it worth living, When there is pain i wait for it to go. and then the smiles will be back, in one or the other way, The doors are closed but the lights of happiness will still creep in, in one or the other way, i am biggest example, trust me, Don't give up:)

I went back to my sunday silence, i want to soak up in the silence, in the warmth of the sun, let the floor tiles glow in the sunlight and the evening takes over before i switch on the lights, light up the lamp, Close the windows and doors, draw the curtains close, turn on the mosquito mats, prepare for the dinner, mentally getting ready for the crazy monday and the week ahead.
Life is so busy:( but well, who said we cannot make the most of it, I can, I do and I will, that's what keeps me going, enjoying the moment, making it look big, making it special, making it wonderful, the dull silent sober Sunday afternoon looks to me exotic, wonderful, filled with happiness:) Well, its all in the way we think and feel. I feel beautiful, So do you:) Don't you? Have a happy week........ Keep singing "Sawan ki ghata chhayi, yeh dekh ke dil jhooma.. lee pyar ne angdayi , deewaana hua badal" (Mohd. Rafi}

Yes, O.P.Nayyar is one of the best music directors Indian cinema can remember forever.