"chand taare"

6am, Alarm rang and i wistfully opened my eyes, what if i don't go to office today? The world will not come to an end, Nah, that was not me, but husband who was getting ready to the office, but what if i don't inform anyone? No answer. errrr, he left, his cab is waiting. Hmmm, no coin to toss and make a decision, i am not going, i told myself and back into the warmth of the blanket and entered the land of dreams.
I din't bother to inform that i am on leave today, switched off my alarm, i slept and told myself the world is not going to end if i don't work for a day. Its ok to break the rules at times, its ok to not follow the instructions, its ok to not feel guilty and i slept.

Then, i woke up, just like that, 8am,without any alarm or without anyone waking me up and the silence was deafening, I know the guilt factor creeping. 8am, the time when the regular auto driver must be waiting down past ten min, attender at college must be wondering not to see me reading the morning newspaper which i carry myself from the reception and how he everyday cribs that i come first and he should be the one who must be early, I could feel his happy smile:)

Switched on the phone and the first msg reads from my best friend and colleague, "Don't bring the breakfast,i will get your fav dish" Damn, now i better act, called her up, informed her the reason, called the college, the attender was in a happy mood:))))) Msgs passed on and i went back to sleep.This time i know i wont wake up till someone bangs the door and till i feel hungry:)

Amma is the one who made me like this, Perfection is her pet word and rules are her passion and i am scared i will become like her,i want to break rules, for once, i never did that in school or neither in college:( I wish i could do it now, i know this is my last chance. When i have my kids, it would be my turn to preach them:)

The day is good, bright sunlight creeping through the orange curtains and loud music, loads of flowers in the balcony, the sparrows on the balcony grills and i am listening to "Chand taare ,thod laaon" from Yes boss. Anybody remembers the movie and incidentally today is SRK's birthday. Hmmm, any connection?

Oh, and i forgot, i am also having a big bowl of Icecream, choco almond blah blah blah something. And i just now finished watching Wake up sid. Now rest of the time will be spent at Farmville on facebook. Wow, seriously one day if you don't go to work there is so much to do. hmmm, but then because i work these small moments of stolen freedom seems so special, if i had to do all this everyday it looses its charm, isn't it.
So many precious lessons in life are learns in simple ways, small experiences teach us alot, just that we need to be alert at such times to understand the true meaning, learn it, accept it and apply it to life. Last week i learn one such lesson, "You cannot get everything in life, its a matter of choices" and thank god i made a right choice and god did give me the right gift when i was confused myself.
I learnt prayers do help, trust me, when we simply fold our hands and leaving besides our ego and frustrations and helplessness pray to him, prayers do work. Miracles do happen, I know they would, We dint give up, and we are on the road to recovery, thank god for small mercies and thank god for someone above who listens to us, to the prayers and to the helplessness in one's own capacity.

I love my life:) Have a good week people.

zindagi

" aye zindagi gale lagaale, humne bhi tere har ek gham ko gale se lagaaya hain, hai na."
Beautiful song and its been a peaceful and silent sunday. I wonder at times how two people in the same house can go silent for such long hours. But we do. He was busy, with work and i was busy, with diwali cleaning, with my plants and my blog. After four hours or so the first word was spoken, and we both said the same thing, it feels good to be silent at times.

It sure does, it makes your mind calm and it helps you to talk, just that you are talking to yourself. There are so many such times when i talk to self, i question and i come up with an answer too, so many decisions are taken that way, the clutter in the mind is emptied that way.
It helps me. And as i was working on my project forgetting everything, he is sitting next to me, lost in his own world, there is absolute silence, he is watching a movie and i suddenly hear his laughter, with his headphones and staring into his laptop screen he is laughing, oblivious of his surroundings, busy enjoying himself and strangely without knowing the reason i also smile and then i laughed, I had no reason but looking at him i also laughed. The smile stayed for a long time, i felt a part of his happiness, and i felt happy too.

The day was calm and silent,an occasional door bell, newspaper read leisurely , morning coffee, simple lunch and afternoon nap, hot shower and the evening puja, arathi and the chandan smell filling the house, a bowl of fruits with honey and the sunset ended the day.
Filling the ink in my pen and painting my nails and keeping my bag ready for tomorrow i just wished it to be a good week ahead, and sitting in the balcony and seriously polishing his shoes he must be thinking the same. Taking out the clothes for tomorrow, switching on the geyser and preparing for the breakfast i continued praying for a better week. Charging his mobile, setting the dinner on the table, locking the doors, switching off the lights in rooms and filling the water bottles he must be wishing for the same.

As i finish typing the post we are getting ready for sleep, hoping for good dreams and a wonderful tomorrow. Wishes come true, or do they? Well, time can only tell, With the sunrise it would be a new day and with the new challenges we can only pray, we can only hope and we can only wish. We did it all. Hell, no worries, after last few months we are ready for anything now:) Have a good week ahead all of you:)

"chota sa saaya tha, aankhon mein aaya tha, humne do boondo.n se..."

:)

Little things which make us realize the importance of people in our lives and importance of those small and simple pleasures which we tend to forget. We are busy:) I am busy, or rather i was busy, No, i suddenly didn't get any gyanodaya and neither did anyone make me realize the importance of these things.

It just happened, it happened when i looked at my dying Hibiscus plant in the pot, it happened when i realized that its been ages since i thought of music, and its been a long time since i smiled effortlessly. It happened when i forgot my own birthday, Yeah, until husband wished me. Then i knew its time to wake up, Take it easy. So what did i do:) Worked on my dear hibiscus and prayed, it was almost dying and i lost hope,but still watered it daily and gave it the dose of vitamins and minerals,i saw the first leaf one day, and then it started recovering, today morning i woke up to see this.
The bright orange flower, the first after almost 4 months and i knew its time to understand the importance of those little moments.

I have a peculiar way of getting out of depression, I start cleaning,dusting and scrubbing ,its not that i am cleaning the house, i am cleaning my head, removing all those cobwebs and negative thoughts, the depressed feeling, Cleared everything.
At least tried and it started raining, heavily, and it helped, the silent house, the little drops of rain and the rain drenched leaves and flowers, the clothes drying on the hanger, the traffic outside, the sparrows on the grill and the silence in the head.


Lat two months saw me constantly travelling, a wedding at home and then the emotional challenges of handling people and their problems, caught between egos, confused because you cannot take sides and then end of the day you are blamed for not taking the sides. But how do i tell them i am not ready to loose anyone. Tired, confused,drained out of energy it took a toll on my health:)

A break, not only from work but from the emotional helplessness which i was facing, helped, the severe spondylities pain is now better, the black circles around the eyes vanishing, the ever tiring feeling gone and i am feeling fresh, and i am going to take things easy, Problems are a part of my life but not my life itself:) I am fine and i am much better, life is again back to normal, work, fun, smiles, silence and laughter,music, the greenery around, the smell of rain, the twinkling stars and the morning sun , driving late in the night where both of us have nothing to talk but so much to share, in a way, simple pleasures are all making it better. Life goes on and i am Back.

Thank you for all the mails and calls:)