Ek roj Zindagi...

"But sir,you always scold only me,Because i am short,and because i sit in front bench you always point out at me,you don't say anything to the other girls"

11am to 11.40am the staff room becomes a fish market,utterchaos, confusion and the Students
surround the teachers for everything and anything during the break time and the attender does a rope walk serving Coffee and the quota of two biscuits per teacher,
Thankfully i don't need to wait for him,i have no regards for the coffee or the Britannia Marie biscuits,so i seriously concentrate on TOI which is scattered by pages on each table,i was on the collection spree,collecting page 14 from the colleague who rarely smiles and asking for the Bangalore times from the one who annoyingly plays high music on his mobile phone,Yeah,he carries his phone in the shirt pocket with the loud speaker on and Tamil music playing,
and in midst of all this i heard a those words,coming back to my seat i tried looking at the direction where it came from.She is short,cute with her spectacles,controlling her frustration and trying hard to talk to the teacher with out letting her tears roll out of her eyes, One of her friend was trying to pacify and take her away but she was adament,she insists that he always scolds her and that today she was not making any noise but he still scolded her. "Because i am short you always notice me and make fun of me" she repeated.

I dont know what went on for the next 5 min but i just kept staring at her,i am not looking at her,her height or her tears, i am looking at the resolve of a girl who walks into the staff room to say that she is right and that she trusts herself while saying so.

I so wanted to talk to her,but i know it is wrong to involve when i am no where concerned,i just wished the teacher would clarify that the height was not an issue at all and that it dosnt matter,but No,he was busy clarifying other things.Do i involve or not? i knew i couldn and my dear collegue and friend who sits next to me and we both share a good friendship stopped me saying it wont be good if i spoke then.

She was going off,along with her friend,i just stood up and walked out of the room,she was there,in front of me,walking fast and furious still,i dont know her name,nothing,not even the class she is from,I need to tell her something,she was waiting near the lift,i just smiled and she looked at me,smiled back after a few seconds.
Hesitantly a few words came out from me "Girl,never let others takeover your confidence,Does it matter that you are short or someone else is fat or lean? if they think so let them be,Be proud of who you are and you know what,you have a wonderful confidence which will help you turn your dreams to reality,By the way you are the one who won the first prize in Debate,Isn't it" Bright eyes,filled with laughter,smiling,enjoying all the credit which is due she replied "Yes ma'am,and ma'am i know you"
"Do you?" Yes ma'am,you won the Anthyakshari competition conducted for the faculty,i remember the last song which you sang,its my dad's favorite song,You teach Consumer Behaviour,My cousin is in your class........"

After spending ten min talking,laughing,smiling it was time for good bye,she was going up to the canteen,"we are celebrating,she says with pride,i won so i am giving a treat,ma'am,join us"
No dear,you have fun, i have a class now.

Yes,i have a class now,but before that i have a word to talk to,to myself,to remind myself how it always affected me as a kid that i was fat,that i was tall and that i was always made to sit in the last bench,how i was laughed at,and how i had those tears welling up in my heart,but i did fight back, with my insecurities,stood up when i was right,fought back when i was humiliated,and i won,won over my insecurities ,it hurts to remember but i don't want to forget,i have more battles and it gives me strength to remember.

and while i was walking back to the staff room,i am greeted by my students,most of them with a smile,a few stopping to share a news,one stopping me to say that she had a fight with her best friend,a group rushing to me saying that they won the cricket match and one boy waiting for me to clear his doubts in Leverage Analysis and i have a class waiting for me to deal with Ethics in Subliminal Advertising and i recollect that song which i sang at the anthakshari....

"Tere girne mein bhi theri haar nahi,ki thu admi hain hain avtaar nahi.....zindagi hasne gaane keliye hain pal,do pal,isse khona nahi,khoke rona nahi......." Isn't it true "Life is to share the laughter and music,don't loose it all and cry for what you have lost.........Don't worry about failures,you are afterall human,Not god..."

Pic courtesy :Deviant Art.

Musical Magic

Ok,Now hoping that this blog is visible to everyone i am back,I still miss my white and red template:( but never mind,this one looks awesome:)

Sometimes one song of a film is such a hit that we forget or ignore to listen to the rest of the songs, Happened with me lot of times,Last saturday i was watching my favorite music program on Saregamapa on Zee TV {No Indian Idol {And yes,Amit sang beautifully last week)or Voice Of India can ever match up with this show and yeah,AnuMalik is stupid Judge on Indian Idol and so is Adesh Srivatsava on Voice Of India for god sake }
and saw this guy Raja Hasan{ excellent singer,awesome voice and very cute looking guy} started this song from Omkara {And he you can watch the video here}and by the time he finished it i knew i had tears in my eyes,how did i miss this gem of a song,i know i heard it but i was lost in "Beedi ..." and "Ooo saathi re,din doobe na" from this movie {both are excellent,specially the seond one} that i lost the track of this most wonderful song from the same movie. and the lyrics are just so beautiful....

nainon ki mat maaniyo re,nainon ki mat suniyo,
nainon ki mat suniyo re,naina thag lenge - 2
thag lenge naina thag lenge

jagte jaadu phukenge re jagte jagte jaadu
jagte jaadu phukenge re neenden banjar kar denge
naina thag lenge - 2 ,thag lenge naina thag lenge

bhala manda dekhe na paraya na saga re
nainon ko toh dasne ka chaska laga re

nainon ka zehar nasheela re - 4
baadalon mein satrangiyan bonve bhor talak barsaave

thag lenge naina thag lenge
naina thag lenge thag lenge naina thag lenge -2

naina raat ko chalte chalte swargan mein le jaave
megh malhaar ke sapne dije hariyali dikhlave
naina raat ko chalte chalte swargan mein le jaave
megh malhaar ke sapne dije hariyali dikhlave
nainon ki zubaan pe bharosa nahi aata likhat padhat na rasid na khaata
nainon ki zubaan pe bharosa nahi aata
likhat padhat na rasid na khaata,saari baat hawaayi - 2
bin baadal barsaaye saawan ,saawan bin barsaata
bin baadal barsaaye saawan ,naina baanwara kar denge
naina thag lenge - 2 ,thag lenge naina thag lenge
nainon ki mat maaniyo re,nainon ki mat suniyo..

And Tomorrow there is a Anthakshari competition conducted for the faculty at the college and yes,i am participating and yes,i am enjoying my work now,any change is bound to bring lot of new experiences and this has been a scary exp at the beginning but now i am adapting to the system, lot of issues which i don't believe in but then not everything is what i want/wanted in life,so I just go on with the change of the winds:) to far off lands,chasing my dreams and reaching them one day,we all do that,Don't we?

Lamhe

I completed 7yrs in the present job today.7yrs of teaching and i still feel nervous when i am going to the class,or new subject or new batch,Its been a good experience,or say wonderful exp of my life till now,professionally there is nothing more than being satisfied with what you do and i feel so content,those 45 min of classes daily,so much to talk about,personal and subject,arguements,confusions and smiles,girls who enter the staffroom with problems,sharing them,trusting me,dreams in their eyes,they make me respect my job even more,there is much to do,every year they comeup with new ideas,new challenges in front of me,i keep working on them,i am satisfied,and i am happy with what i do,I teach and in the process i learn.

A collegue resigned today,she said her kids need her and she said she now wants to be content with her kids and her small family,after 14yrs she left the campus without any regrets today,i will miss her,the fun times we had,but sure,she took the right decision:)

Why do i write my blog,what does writing here means to me--An introspection {Tagged by Atul}

When i started a blog in 2004 July27th,i had no idea why i did so,on a rainy evening we 3 friends met and while having hot coffee and listening to kishore da's voice in "anewala pal jaanewala hain" i created the beautiful Akruthi.But in a few months it became a place to hide or to reveal the realself,to talk to myself.It so happens in the real world that we just put up a mask many a times,you dont feel like laughing but we do,we want to hide our pain and we do and fake false smiles,show our frustration but we cannot,so many emotions which people around us maynot appreciate,and then we need an outlet, want to hide a few faces of self from our dearones,to look at our own image--the real one, we need a mirror,i had mine,this blog,added to that the expereiences of being a teacher,the situations where i had to give a hand to someone to comeout of despair,depression were all put there,i was depressed,i was angry for sometime,i thought life is going to end,but it dint,lots of help came from the people here around,made wonderful friends who helped me out of it all,and there were nights when i couldn sleep,i wiped off my tears and sat to write about the feeling.this place saw it all,the smiles,pain,tears,love,lost and end of it all,and one fine day i just ended it,closed it and went on to live, but i couldn and then created Alapana,the one which started showing a newer side of a girl turning into a women,who is dreaming,living and smiling with others,these days i dont write much,i am not veerrrry popular,i want it this way,this blog is still a place where i will continue to write about Me,Myself and my small world filled with my dearones.But now at more leisure,less of frustrations and more of aspirations,more of dreams of a tomorrow rather than of a reality of yesterday,the expressions which are like soothing music,a life,mine here,my own way:)
All my posts are dear to me,i cannot choose a few,if a few talk about my favourite music then some talk of my exp as teacher and rest in general of my experiences in life,i love them all:)

I was tagged by passerby55 about 8 weird things about myself,well,a personal tag which i always avoided but now will finish it:)

I am moody,arrogant headstrong,whats weird about it? but at the sametime i am friendly,helpfull,funloving,caring......Now both the sets of variables are said by same set of people,Now who is weird? me or them?
I vanish!!!!! Yeah.i mean i run away from people at times,i love being with friends,enjoy crowds at times,i am the leader mostly,plan execute and take applause,but suddenly i vanish,i dont take phonecalls for days together,i dont talk to anyone unless it is needed,very reluctant to go out such times,avoid every possible creature in the world:) {Except for my dogs and Now hubby...well,can they both go in the sameline???? Huh

I ask for it and then when given i say NO.Well, confusing, Errrrr,for me also,let me rephrase it,I ask mom or hubby for an outing or for a new dress or a gift,when i am granted i reject it saying i dont want anything now:) Well,maybe i just want to know if they will give it to me or not,if they say No i keep cribbing,when they giveup and say Yes,i say NO.Now i know you are all making faces,not fair:(

I love music,i cannot live without it,but it has to be mostly hindi music,almost,99.9% hindi music,and even when i know tha there is an ocean of wonderful english music i just dont want to listen to it,i am biased??? maybe,but the lyrics the music the voice,nothing makes me feel good about it,trust me i have friends who tried with n No. of beautiful songs,but something wrong with my listening skills:)

I can cook,the fact is recently proven,i am a decent cook,hubby not only survived all self learnt {practising} cooking while taking instructions from mom,but for gods sake i cannot mke Coffee or Tea:( nooooooo,Not for anyone,i just can never make it right,i know that:)

I never tasted Coke,Pepsi,mirinda,thumbsup... or any other cold drink except for that mango drink called Frooti.I dint taste Tea or Coffee till date,i dint taste milk {yukkk} past 25hrs atleast:)

Thats it,6 weird things about me,Yayyy,i did it,i am done with this tag,but i still am remembering lot of weird things about self:) well,maybe someother time:)


Ok guys,my last post before Diwali,this Diwali is the first after my wedding,i am going to celebrate it with lots of diyas,sweets,lights,flowers,well,But no crackers,the money which i spend on them will go to Cry this time,think of it,it might be little money for us,but for a kid it might make her life,sponser a kid for her studies this Diwali,lets light a lamp in a kids life. Dont forget,childlabour is banned,but most of the cracker factories still employ kids to make them.
and yes,play safe and have a fun filled and no noise diwali:) for your sake and for others peace.Happy Diwali