"chand taare"

6am, Alarm rang and i wistfully opened my eyes, what if i don't go to office today? The world will not come to an end, Nah, that was not me, but husband who was getting ready to the office, but what if i don't inform anyone? No answer. errrr, he left, his cab is waiting. Hmmm, no coin to toss and make a decision, i am not going, i told myself and back into the warmth of the blanket and entered the land of dreams.
I din't bother to inform that i am on leave today, switched off my alarm, i slept and told myself the world is not going to end if i don't work for a day. Its ok to break the rules at times, its ok to not follow the instructions, its ok to not feel guilty and i slept.

Then, i woke up, just like that, 8am,without any alarm or without anyone waking me up and the silence was deafening, I know the guilt factor creeping. 8am, the time when the regular auto driver must be waiting down past ten min, attender at college must be wondering not to see me reading the morning newspaper which i carry myself from the reception and how he everyday cribs that i come first and he should be the one who must be early, I could feel his happy smile:)

Switched on the phone and the first msg reads from my best friend and colleague, "Don't bring the breakfast,i will get your fav dish" Damn, now i better act, called her up, informed her the reason, called the college, the attender was in a happy mood:))))) Msgs passed on and i went back to sleep.This time i know i wont wake up till someone bangs the door and till i feel hungry:)

Amma is the one who made me like this, Perfection is her pet word and rules are her passion and i am scared i will become like her,i want to break rules, for once, i never did that in school or neither in college:( I wish i could do it now, i know this is my last chance. When i have my kids, it would be my turn to preach them:)

The day is good, bright sunlight creeping through the orange curtains and loud music, loads of flowers in the balcony, the sparrows on the balcony grills and i am listening to "Chand taare ,thod laaon" from Yes boss. Anybody remembers the movie and incidentally today is SRK's birthday. Hmmm, any connection?

Oh, and i forgot, i am also having a big bowl of Icecream, choco almond blah blah blah something. And i just now finished watching Wake up sid. Now rest of the time will be spent at Farmville on facebook. Wow, seriously one day if you don't go to work there is so much to do. hmmm, but then because i work these small moments of stolen freedom seems so special, if i had to do all this everyday it looses its charm, isn't it.
So many precious lessons in life are learns in simple ways, small experiences teach us alot, just that we need to be alert at such times to understand the true meaning, learn it, accept it and apply it to life. Last week i learn one such lesson, "You cannot get everything in life, its a matter of choices" and thank god i made a right choice and god did give me the right gift when i was confused myself.
I learnt prayers do help, trust me, when we simply fold our hands and leaving besides our ego and frustrations and helplessness pray to him, prayers do work. Miracles do happen, I know they would, We dint give up, and we are on the road to recovery, thank god for small mercies and thank god for someone above who listens to us, to the prayers and to the helplessness in one's own capacity.

I love my life:) Have a good week people.

blah blah

Unofficially i will be back in college from tomorrow, Vacation over:( I don't want to go. I am surprised that i am quite sad and silent about going back to work,I want to stay at home, take care of my plants, my house, listen to music, watch movies or in short i just want to do what i want to do.
But not possible, i know, not always we get the luxury of living life the way we want to. We need to make compromises, no controversies, let me rephrase, I need to make compromises, So does the Husband. There are times when he just cannot get up at 5am to get ready by 6am and wait for the cab, i see him mumbling something about taking a leave but in last 6 months he hardly took any leave.
He pushes himself, i guess he remembers the market conditions, the job threats and the EMI we pay for the flat and other random stuff. I on other hand don't remember any such things, every morning when i get up at 7am to be in the office by 8am i look at the other side of the bed and remember the man who is working hard to make it easy in future and i just start getting ready.

Its mutual, the fear of loosing out, the fear of not being able to have a comfortable living for which we struggled hard and the looming past which always reminds of the darkness and helplessness we felt at times as children, When he lost his mom and when my dad walked off. We both know what pain is, we both know about not having enough, we both know about struggle, we both know about being left alone, about being deprived, About broken families and tears.

But all this made us strong, made us understand life. There are times when we get suggestions about having kids, about making more money and about changing jobs and shifting to another country. Times when we just listen, smile and move on with our life. Not that it dosn't hurt, it does. Specially when someone talks about kids, Isn't it supposed to be a very personal and private matter for me and him? For me staying away of about 600km from my family is nothing less than being in another country, and same goes for him, how he gets worried about his dad and feels guilty about being away from him.
The jobs we have are our choice, someone recently suggested we takeup the building association secretary post because our timings are perfect and are back home by 4pm and i am still fuming, we start to office when all others are still tucked warm in their beds, evenings are the only time when we get time to talk,to share or make calls to family, talk about bills and shopping, plan and dream, which we do alot, cook and share a meal together. The ME time and the WE time is in the evenings and we need to balance and we do that. TOUCHWOOD.
Is it so hard to respect someone for what they are? Do you need to voice your opinion about others life so easily? No idea.
I started this post to say something to the husband, just to tell him that "Yes, i dont like to work anymore, yes, i feel irritated to go back to work, but still every morning when i wake up i tell myself that this wont last long. Not everything is as per our wishes, not everyone is what we want them to be, We accept life and people for what they are, we make changes when it becomes impossible to take another step, till then we are like this only, Happy, content, laughing silly, dreaming and at intervals we have bouts of complaints, cribbing, screaming, tears and sadness. Sri, just to tell you that we have a perfect life. A mixture of all emotions, that makes us complete"

So, wish me for tomorrow, wish me that i have a good time at work, wish me that there will be less controversies, wish me that i smile a lot and wish me that i have a good health and wish me to be what i am, wish me that i don't change:)

For today i am enjoying the breeze and the clouds and listening to this song here Let me know if you like the song.

thoda hain....

"chandnii raat mein, ek baar tujhe dekhaa hai,Khud pe itraate hue, Khud se sharmaate hue,chandanii raat mein " the sounds of music fills the house, Thank god that we took the flat to the other side of the road, no traffic sounds, I don't miss looking at the main road lit up and moving vehicles at night, i prefer my silence and my plants in my balcony, and i can see the kids playing with a puppy and a few kids playing shuttle and the neighbor lighting a lamp in front of tulasi plant, I wanted it this way and i got it.

A week's stay at Hyderabad made me realise i miss my home, miss bangalore not as a city but as a place where i made a little place for myself, "mera ghar" When at InLaws place and saw those mango trees and loads of jasmines she pluck for me i dreamed of doing the same for her when she comes to bangalore, but maybe not loads of them, for my jasmine plant in a pot yeilds a few of them, but then:)) I selected the most beautiful....." Thoda hain,thode ki jaroorat hain, zindagi fir bhi yahaan khoobsoorat hain...." from the play list.

"Ankhiyon Mein Chhote Chhote Sapne Sajaike,Bahiyon Mein Nindiya Ke Pankh Lagaike,Chanda Mein Jhoole Meri Bitiya Rani,Chandni Re Jhoom Ho Chandni Re Jhoom" Sanjeev kumar in Naukar if i am not wrong, Its been ages since i heard this song, too many songs:) or say that's why when i find it after a long time its fresh again and as beautiful as ever. Staying alone is a blessing at times, no need to make unnecessary conversations or you need to have a partner who understands your need to be silent and i am lucky i guess:)

"Kya mausam hain,aye deewane Dil,Chal kahin door Nikal Jaaye,Koi Humdum Hai,Chaahat Ke Kaabil,To Kisliye Hum Sambhal Jaayenge,Chal Kahin Door Nikal Jaaye..." Kishore, Lata and rafi, What a combination..
I was listening to this song yesterday, we went on a long long drive, its rare for us, both of us are lazy and not much of long drive and romantic evening kinds:) but we did, yesterday, He insisted and we went, the colors in the sky were matching the mood and the music, well spent evening, and hubby turns to me suddenly and says "Hey i forgot to tell you something, Happy wedding anniversary" Yes, after three days he realized he had to wish me:) On the day of the anniversary we were busy with my brother's engagement, everybody wished us but we had no time to wish each other, i am yet to wish him, well, right time, or say right moment is what i am waiting for:)
Well, what to do, we are like this only:) And i got my gift too, one of my favorite CD's, "Malgudi days" He did notice that i was longingly looking at it last time when we were there:)

Waise, how many of you remember this line from my favorite movie Bawarchi " Its so simple to be happy but so difficult to be simple" aanwala pal jaanewala hai, ho Sake To iss mein zindagi bitaado Pal Jo Yeh, Jaanewala Hai.....

"Din aaye,Din jaye...

"Aao huzoor tumko sitaaro.n pe lechalu.n.. Dil doob jaaye aise, bahaaro.n mein lechaloo..." special program on O.P Nayyar and someone in the building chose to make us all hear the song late in the night. Saturday night is relaxing, more so when you know Sunday is just next morning:) I am waiting...Summer is knocking the doors and i am preparing for the arrival. Sunday is a beautiful day, seriously, i love the kind of contended afternoon silence which fills the atmosphere in our building.

The afternoon sun tries to filter through the curtains and i like the play of the gentle breeze and the sun on my bright orange curtains. Orange every where, the hibiscus is saying hello, Letting me know the summer is almost here.

am looking forward for summer holidays, i know its a good two months before i can really enjoy them but then nothing wrong in waiting for them, and while i do so Mohit chauhan is enjoying "Masakkali..." from Delhi 6, the guy is not just singling it but enjoying it too, Nothing like having a song re vibrate through the silence of the silent afternoon.

Newspapers on the bed, lazy breakfast sessions and laughter flowing with the cups of coffee enjoyed with friends makes it all satisfying.

Husband looks out of the newspaper and makes a statement.." Recession everywhere.. what if?"Hmmm, big question, what if? I am not god but i won't let the negative pessimism creep into me, Recession might take away my bank balances or the house or the job, but it wont take away myhappiness. Easy isn't it.. I asked him.we cannot be scared, we are not made to be scared, both of us saw bitterness early in life, the highs and lows, nothing new, Ek aur sahi, kyun?

The smile is back on his face..." hmmm, if not here we will go back to our village" Laughter boomed the room, yeah, village, which he went when he was a kid, some 25yrs back, where they grow paddy, wheat, chilli, sweet lemons, sugarcane, which we get loads into our tiny flat whenever someone comes from village to this concrete jungle.We will go, i assure him, will we be able to adjust there? Now i know the questions won't stop. God gave us imagination and we use it wildly.

"You pray every day? don't you" I ask him. I do.. then from tomorrow tell him to give you strength to adjust anywhere, in whatever circumstances, with anyone, any kind of life but let there be smile and happiness.

"Does he listen?" Well, he does, doesn't he? If not then every morning we wouldn smile silly for simple reasons. hmmm, you are right" Well, i am.

Because that's what helps me to go ahead in life, whenever there are tears i wait for my turn to smile, when there is a battle lost i try to make it up with a win the next time, when there are clouds of sadness, i search for a silverline which makes it worth living, When there is pain i wait for it to go. and then the smiles will be back, in one or the other way, The doors are closed but the lights of happiness will still creep in, in one or the other way, i am biggest example, trust me, Don't give up:)

I went back to my sunday silence, i want to soak up in the silence, in the warmth of the sun, let the floor tiles glow in the sunlight and the evening takes over before i switch on the lights, light up the lamp, Close the windows and doors, draw the curtains close, turn on the mosquito mats, prepare for the dinner, mentally getting ready for the crazy monday and the week ahead.
Life is so busy:( but well, who said we cannot make the most of it, I can, I do and I will, that's what keeps me going, enjoying the moment, making it look big, making it special, making it wonderful, the dull silent sober Sunday afternoon looks to me exotic, wonderful, filled with happiness:) Well, its all in the way we think and feel. I feel beautiful, So do you:) Don't you? Have a happy week........ Keep singing "Sawan ki ghata chhayi, yeh dekh ke dil jhooma.. lee pyar ne angdayi , deewaana hua badal" (Mohd. Rafi}

Yes, O.P.Nayyar is one of the best music directors Indian cinema can remember forever.

Anandam

Another day filled with silence and i just let it be, waking up late i tried listening to faint sounds of the familiar chirping. They come everyday, the sparrows, One in particular is like a good student, at 7am it comes, eats the grains i keep for it, drink the water and the perches up on to the mirror near the washbasin. And stays there till 6pm, Why the fascination for mirror?Maybe the image makes it feel there is another bird, Illusion perhaps.. But i let it be. He seems to be happy and content, He is been coming past 20 days or more, But then i got worried, It isn't doing anything, but just keeps looking into the mirror, all the time, i had to do something, i covered the mirror with a cloth and it came, confused, sat on the grill for sometime and then it left in the afternoon, and today i tried to hear his chirping, But it was all silent, I checked, it isn't there ,Maybe he will come later, but no, Its almost 4pm, there is no sign of the bird, the water and the grains are still there.

I guess it found a real companion, the one which can fly with him, chirp along and search for food... Maybe tomorrow they both will come back here in search of the grains... For today it left.....I made a bird house, left it near the grill, when they come in search of a home this might help them...

Strangely the whole episode sounded familiar, long back i lived in an illusion too, Most of us who thought we knew the definition of love, life lived like that, In an illusion, but one day it helped to fly, when i was hurt, i was denied that illusion ruthlessly, i thought i will die, i wouldn survive, but i did, i lived to tell a tale of a bird today, Nothing will make me give up in life, that one episode of fighting for survival, fighting the shackles of unknown illusion gave the strength, to get a new positive colorful vibrant life and today i hope the bird finds its true companion, i hope a friend who is hurt and down today and feels betrayed finds that true self soon.

The gardener said i cannot grow a Jasmine plant in a pot, he said i need lot of place, that i wouldn't be able to grow it in my apartment , But i know i would, all i needed was a little care, little more caution a bit of risk, and i was ready to take all the three, care, caution and risk, and today it is proudly sitting in my balcony, when i look at it i know i did the right thing, lot of life's decisions when i take i will do the same, take a cautious risk and be careful too. Life is simple, it just needs to be nurtured in style:)

Long time back a friend was down and dejected with life and i gave him a music cassette, i told him to listen to the songs whenever he is alone, whenever he is depressed, and after 6 yrs he came to Bangalore to be with me for two days and i put the same songs and we both had a knowing smile, which said we can go on, nothing should stop us from smiling and living again and again, no matter what, we wouldn't give up and i am proud of him, he dint give up, And we three friends stayed up late in the night and were listening to the songs, singing and talking and rewinding last 12 yrs, and the three days just went off in a jiffy. You can listen to the song from Anandam(meaning Happiness) here..

One person whom i owe my happiness to, one person who brings a smile so effortlessly in my life, He who does n,t remember his birthday, who cannot react when given gifts, who has a shy smile when given a card and never expresses in words, Wouldn care if it were a black forest cake or a vanilla, but needs to dig into it asap, who would never understand whats the big deal in wishing at 12am, and the one who turns older by one more year, Happy birthday Husband,keep rocking:)

"ye din jo aaye"

Its silent and it usually is,the apartments,the corridors and the surroundings are always silent here,all i can hear at times is doors being opened or closed, And today a friend asked how i am spending my vacation and i said "Eating,sleeping, movies and blogging" and she said "wow,sounds good" I just asked myself, does it really sound good?
Is this how vacation is spent,was it not different when i was a kid. When i dint have a mobile or internet or dvd player? It used to be fun when we finished the last day of exam and knowing how every friend is going to some place, nana nani or mausi's house.And i went to my village, that small village and there i had a smile, or laughter.when was the last time we all laughed out loud, screemed and ran, yes,when was the last time we ran and played without the fear of getting hurt and were covered in dust and sand and sweat but had no fear of hygiene?

When was the last time i woke up the sound of temple bells in the vishnu alayam and shivalayam in that small village,and then there were other sounds, the servants taking the tractors and bullock carts to the fields and someone sweeping the huge aangan and another putting rangoli and where we all cousins just there in the bed looking around,pulling and pushing each other, and then brushing our teeth with a neem stem, we ran to play, yeah,at six am we played, at the banks of the river flowing slowly,not much water there and we just jumped into it from the tree branches near by.No fear or no one to scold and someone walking on the bridge would recognize us "ha haa, Came from Hyderabad isn't it,how is your mom and which class are you in and my cousins would proudly announce it all"

Playing to the hearts content we went home, only when we realized we were hungry, took bath near the coconut tree where a huge tub made of cement had cold water in it and the hibiscus flowers falling from the near by branches,we would scream, fight and finish the bath and then sat in the kitchen, down,on the floor with peddamma serving idlis and loads of ghee and we gleefully tell her stories, she always thought we were thin and held mom responsible for it and we,we just glowed in her love and affection.

Play time again, paaleru or the servants are back from fields to take food for others and we follow them,two km,we just walk to the fields and there it was time for fun again, sitting on the buffaloes {yes,i did} and running in the sugarcane fields we drank coconut water and ate mangoes. scotching heat but it just dosn't make us feel bad,we are having fun and we did it wholeheartedly. came home for lunch and then the discipline starts, peddamma never allowed to play after lunch,she scolded always to sleep and we did sleep,under the huge banyan tree, with those folded beds and played,yes,we sang and we played with five stones or ashta chemma, pacchis and other games, me and my brother were the king and queen whom other children would treat as,we came from Hyderabad you see:)

and the evening arrives with such beauty, "godhulivela" A beautiful word in Telugu which means that time of the evening when all the cows are returning from the fields with bells ringing which are tied to their necks,and the dust raised from the walk tries to match with the red orange sunset over the water,the dust from that red and black clay mud, And there was a mile stone in front of the river and i stand there,kids jumping into the water from that bridge built over the river,it joins two sides of a village, the other side which i can see from this end,but to reach i need to either swim or walk on that bridge,the one which was built 70yrs back.
Time for dinner,Dinner,i smile,the image of very hot rice and mango pickle,ghee, sambhar and vadiyalu or papad as we call and then curd with rock salt and lemon pickle makes me so hungry.the lanterns are lit in all the rooms,the beds are being made outside the side varandah,white bedsheets and pillows and hand fan if it gets too hot,but its never hot in summer also.

jasmines and roses and hibiscus blooming allover and there are not many sounds now,the river looks serene,i keep watching the ripples and the moonlight falling on it and slowly fall asleep,i was not busy but still tired,i dint work much but still very hungry,i dint have a blog or TV but i still feel satisfied,i dint call anyone from my mobile,but i feel as if i chatted the whole day,I have had such a wonderful day,that day,sometime back,or was it long back when i was there?

"Ye din aaye.. lage phool hasne,Dekho basanthi basanthi hone lage mere sapne,...sone jasii ho rahi hain har subah meri,lage har saanj gulaal se bharii.."

..Maine Dil Se Kaha....

3PM,Its raining and the wind and rain are playing their game and and both are not ready to give up,the windows are still open and the rain drops are hitting me fast but the gush of happiness which comes along with it is priceless. "na hai yeh pana, na khona hi hai,tera na hona jane, kyun hona hi hai,tum se hi din hota hai, surmaiye shaam aati, tumse hi, tumse hi,har ghadi saans aati hai, zindagi kehlati hai..." Another beautiful song from Jab we met" Some days it just feels so perfect. you wakeup to the sounds of tinkering bells and silence all around and reminding you that there are no deadlines to follow,you need not rush to work by 8am, Nothing,no planner for the day and no lunch pack or water bottles and purse to search and rush before you get late.No need to smile if you don't want to and no need to answer if you choose not to.

No cooking, doesn't mind, the bread and butter seriously sounds delicious when you are lazy to fix yourself the usual breakfast. Just lying in that huge bed you can read the newspaper,send the sms to as many people you want and make all those calls to friends which get postponed most of the days. And in no time your best friend,your laptop finds a place in your bed to the added list of a mobile,the headphones, a water bottle,a Ulta Perk and a diary and a pen and the newspaper along with you. Complete bliss, everyone around must have gone to offices but you,you have all the free time in the world.

You make a few friends jealous by telling them about your summer vacation and wonder louds how people work without any holidays:) and then you find a fellow blogger and seriously discuss music, and the beautiful." ore piya....." sung by Rahat fateh Ali khan comes to mind. The songs continue and so does the time,but i am not worried about the day coming to an end,it just started,there is whole night, like good old days when i just stayed awake,reading,writing,listening to music,watching the sky, and it feels so right, For one whole month i just have so many things to do and the required time also...Life is good:)
Do you remember the song "Nai lagtha tere bina dil mera,sajnaa abhi ja" from the movie waise bhi hota hain, sometimes random choice of songs in real player throws in a surprise to my delight. Let me soak myself in the colors of music and the rain,the house is still silent and the good times continue.

If anyone finds it difficult to read the blog do let me know:) and lot of changes to be made to the blogroll too...

..........Yeh Mulaaqat..........

"kasak uthi mere mann mein piya, mujhe gale lagaale ,gale lagaalein, jiya dhadkaalein, sapno ke apne sajaale,piya piya o re piya, jiya o re jiya ,tu meri jindagi jahaan tu mera mann wahaan,duniya se kya waasta, tu hi mera saara jahaan tu" What a beautiful rendering and what surprises me is the voice is of Anand Raj Anand.Been listening to the same song past two days. Yup its been two days since the famous and exciting and ever waiting summer vacation started and at last i have a real break after one year. And what a way to start the vacation,on the last day i wished all my colleagues a happy vacation and got into auto and happily singing away and with the widest and brightest of smile headed home,Auto driver had different ideas for me,he just broke a traffic signal and in a hurry to cross over banged into a Maruti car,wow,superb way to start the vacation.
No,i dint break any hand or leg or even my head but I almost broke my back,so three days all i did was to get different X rays and taking different sized and shaped pills to kill the pain and to the rub the salt on the wound an unsuspecting and innocent soul sent me an sms at 10pm saying Hi,i know you must be having a rocking time" Well.....indeed rocking:((
Last year I wrote a post and he added his version. But this year i myself have no interest to write or to celebrate{too busy with the new house} but then its one occasion which sure changed my life,forever. Its been two years, two years since i got married and well we both are still sane and together, May 7th,7am,2006. :) Ye mulaaqat ek bahaana hain,pyar ka silsila purana hain...main hoon apni sanam ki bahoon mein,mere kadmon thale zamaana hain" Happy wedding anniversary Husband:)
I did not update the blog for various reasons past one month, like having a House warming ceremony and the house being filled with relatives of all sorts and being under the same roof with MIL and Mom for a week, and the biggest news is that there was nothing to write,i just dint feel like writing anything,I still read all the blogs,daily,but then writing a post was difficult and i just let it be.At least this is the only place where i can follow my heart and be myself,so i will write when the thoughts flow and the words form into a shape.
100th post, When i wrote at Akruti there were 267 posts by the time i closed it in about two and half years.When i started writing again i dint even know if i would continue but i did,and its been two and half years and a 100 posts today. And i know i won't stop writing ,Lots to say,lots to share and the blog will stay. People come and people go,but those few who still come here,read through,smile,feel,comment and sometimes silent,known or unknown,thanks to all of you,Alapana is here to stay.

Ye Hain Pyar ke Pal

Jasmines,i can smell them, the season is here, i remember home, mom must be going to the terrace every evening to pluck a big basket of these flowers, and then she will make a big gajra and next morning cut them into equal portions and take them to office to give them to her friends, and then watermelons, i can see them all the places and i remember some adv about a refrigerator which has such a nice big portion of melon when opened,i don't know why but i always remember the ad:)

Sugarcane juice and reminds me of my college in Hyd, my colleague always sent the attender to bring ganne ka ras for everyone all summer, the staff room was stuffy,small and only one fan but every afternoon after classes we used to close the windows and switch off the lights,draw the curtains and make the room semi dark and talk,talk and talk.And one such afternoons we would just hop on to the two bikes,two on each and go eat hot mirchi bajjis and samosa ragda and cool off with dahi wada, in 100rs finish stuffing ourselves and come back to talk more.

And on the last day of college while breaking for holidays used to go to each dept and wish them happy holidays, walking under the trees covering our heads with dupattas or an occassional colorful umbrellas we just forgot it was hot,or we enjoyed the hot summer in our own way may be.
At home amma used to water the plants in the evening,she says it would give some cool breeze,and till 11am we just keep the doors open, and go on to the terrace to pour water to cool it a bit and then put the mattress and lie down to count the stars, we always did it,till the coconut trees would add up to the idle chatter with their gentle ruffling of the leaves, and then some time in the night we drifted off to sleep. And when there were power cuts,i used to sing,yeah,show all my knowledge to my brother, who when in good mood would tolerate my extremely bad rendering of "Utte sabke kada,dekho rampam pum, aji aise geet gaya karo" or "Lakdi ki kaati,kaati pe godha.."
Summer starts with Ugadi" the telugu new year and mom would pluck the new green mango from the garden, the mango leaves tied to the entrance,the banana leaves used to have lunch on the festivities are from our own garden and amma always watered the plants saying its too hot and she would n let them wither away.The garden is always green,any season,with some flower or fruit,someone knocking the gate for either mangoes or coconuts or banana leafs on festivities or functions, someone or the other early morning plucking the flowers near the gate to take them to the temple, mom would be putting rangoli at that time the chatter would start instantly only applyig breaks when both the parties remember that they need to cook and rush to office.. I used to carry a water bottle and an umbrella with me all the time:) fun it was,to have a umbrella and it was always same bus with same couple of friends from same colony and at times same seat also,and those unlucky souls who never got a seat to sit would handover their bags or stuff to us, and we used to gladly accept such from strangers also..it was all so simple,life...
The world which i left behind is still same, mom still does all of it, the ex colleagues still have all the fun, but now i just get an sms as i got one today "We missed you" Well, i miss it all too but then when i mentioned it to mom she just smiled. According to her i still will get the mangoes delivered here,i still get to have the jasmines when i go home later this month, i can still meet the old colleagues when i am there,i can still sleep on the terrace and count the stars and can have my lunch in the banana leaf when i go home,What matters is i need to appreciate such simple pleasures and i can have fun forever... Well,mom thats what i will do for my life, never forget good times so when i meet such times again i always will be able to just start off where i left and can enjoy it all, isn't it? Life is truly simple and beautiful,It takes us a while to understand and appreciate it all.

Mere ghar aana zindagi..

"Aalapana,the sounds of music,which is a part of my life,aalapana which changes according to the raga being sung,similar to my words,which change according to my emotions"
The first post written that evening,Two years back when the journey started again.

Two years already,Two years since one evening when i just closed my diary and walked to the computer to restart blogging, two years already since i closed Akruti? Two years since life started all over again,Two years of no contacts with the people who left,who walked away and two years since i turned back to look at people whom i left behind,emotions which i ran away from,tears which now don't roll out so easily and the innocence which i left far behind,Life changed so much and new experiences and new people walked in, happiness and smiles frequented often and tears and loneliness became rare, Happy Two years of existence Aalapana.Thank you for all the new beginnings and thank you for Another New Day.

There are people who come here regularly,some come here,read and go back, silently,I wish you come out and say it once that you do read the blog:) I would have another reason to smile, another reason to write,to keep writing,De lurk people, make me smile:)

"There were tears,when i was listening to this song, to be true to myself there are tears most of the mornings when i am driving on those empty roads, early in the morning when the morning chilled air strikes me fast and furious, i just keep staring at the trees and those flowers fallen on the road,when the music is playing in my ears and there i feel it, a darkness which i keep pushing away but it still is lingering around somewhere deep in the heart,My eyes keep searching for that one similar face in the crowd at the traffic signal, There are no questions to ask or no answers to seek but still the eyes keep looking out and in a few seconds i snap out of the feeling and push away the impending tears and get busy with Life.
The song is an oldie again, 1979, Uttam kimar and sharmila in the movie Dooriyan and sung by Bhupinder and Anuradha Paudwal. I wish i had enough words to describe it.....

Zindagi Zindagi Mere Ghar Aana Aana Zindagi
Zindagi Mere Ghar Aana Aana Zindagi
Mere Ghar Ka Seedha Sa Itna Pataa Hai
Ye Ghar Jo Hai Chaaron Taraf Se Khula Hai
Na Dastak Zaruri, Na Aavaz Dena
Mere Ghar Ka Darvaaza Koi Nahin Hai
Hain Deevaren Gum Aur Chahat Bhi Nahin Hai
.......................
Mere Ghar Ka Seedha Sa Itna Pataa Hai
Mere Ghar Ke Aage Mohabbat Likha Hai
Na Dastak Zaruri, Na Aawaz Dena
Main Saanson Ki Raftaar Se Jaan Lungi
Havaaon Ki Khushboo Se Pehchaan Lungi

Gharonda

If nights are a beautiful visual treat then i am supposed to enjoy it and not sleep all through, Sometimes my own sentences don't make sense to me,and well,thats what i always say,what i feel need not be logical always,and what i say need not mean what i actually feel,confusing,it is,words always confuse me and silence always brings me solutions, i am in a profession where i use words all day,to make others listen to me,to convince others, to make them silent,to make them smile and at times to make them bored too, and its all a play of words and people decide if they like me or not based on a bunch of words, but what makes me smile is when i stand there,on the dais,silent, just watching the surroundings,looking at them and not using a single word and there comes the silence, pin drop silence,all of them looking at me,waiting for me to say something and all i give them is a smile,which just pops up with out my knowledge and they all start smiling too,giggling and then burst into a laughter....Its been 8 yrs into the profession and i am still not bored,i want to be a teacher, and nothing else,and yes,the one who says i am stupid to waste my time,energy,career, i just have a smile for you too:)

Past two days i must have re winded the song " do diwane shehar mein, raat mein yaa dopahar mein,aabudhanaa dhoondhate hai,ek aashiyanaa dhoondhate hain,in bhoolabhoolaiyyaa galiyon mein..." in my mind atleast 20 times, after traveling for more than 200km all around the city past two days and after checking out about 20 apartments we have not yet given up, we will have that ek aashiyana very soon, touch wood:) and by the way the song has the line which goes like..... "apanaa bhee koee yek ghar hogaa,ambar pe khulegii khidkii, ,yaa khidkii pe khula ambar hogaa,asamaani rang ke ankho.n mein, Asmaani yeah aasmani???"
What a beautiful song.....and only gulzar could have said this.......... "jab taare jameen par chalthe hain, aakaash jameen ho jaataa hain,woh raat nahiin fir ghar jaataa,woh chaand yahiin so jaataa hain" Gharonda, the movie was made in 1977 and i enjoy the music till date and so is the film,some things get better with time, Music is one and i say so does your memories:) There was a time when i thought and said Its all over,and today i know i have a long way to go,Not long ago i was walking alone the same lanes and today the hand is held firm and we just walk dreaming about a future, not long ago the tears never stopped and now when i remember i just smile and thank god,for the experience and for the memories, Life gets better each day.

At 1.30am i am listening to the beautiful and one of my favourite from Jhankar Beats which sums it up,...........Tu Hai Aasmaan Main ,Teri Yeh Zameen Hai

Tu Jo Hai To Sab Kuch Hai Na Koi Kami Hai,Tu Hai Aasmaan Main Teri Yeh Zameen Hai
Tu Jo Hai To Sab Kuch Hai Na Koi Kami Hai,Tu Hi Dil Hai Tu Hi Jaan Bhi Hai
Tu Khushi Hai Aasra Bhi Hai,Teri Chaahat Zindagi Hai .."

Ek Lamha

I was in school when the movie was released and i watched it when i was in my graduation i guess but after that i must have watched 10 times when cable TV was not the in thing and we could see regional movies on Sunday afternoon and one lucky day i watched it in Telugu also, one of the best movies of Indian film industry and with Maniratnam and Illayaraja nothing can ever go wrong.

There was no sign of sun rays yet, its cold but i enjoy the fog and i just kept walking, First time, yeah, its been a year since we shifted to Bangalore,Yes,exactly a year and first time of this one year i ventured out alone to walk to the temple,Something i just have forgotten to do after coming here,
but today i wanted to,i felt like running away from the confines of the flat,which for most of the day is locked or closed and curtains drawn and in silence.I wanted the fresh air,i wanted to hear the voices,And i set off,to the temple,it was too early for the ultra modern Bangalorean to wake up and venture out on a cold winter day and the sounds of chirping birds and barking dogs greeted me and i smelled coffee, heavenly coffee being brewed, Wonder why i never tasted it till date but it felt good and then the song came to me, of the movie i mentioned, MOUNA RAGAM, the tamil version, i don't understand the lyrics and for the first time,its dint matter, i heard the song coming out from some where, someone who is listening to Illayaraja at 6am on the first of January,wish i knew who it was.......but rest of the walk,i was humming,...."nilaavae vaa sellaadhae vaa, ennaalum un ponvaanam naan,enai needhaan pirindhaalum ninaivaalae anaiththaenae,nilaavae vaa....."

And i put on the ear phones,i love my new phone,and everytime i remember i stored 150 of my fav songs and the truth that i can hear them anytime widens my smile.. " Tumne to aakash bichhaya,mere nange pairo main zameen hai,dekhe to tumhaari aarzoo hai,shayad aisi zindagi haseen hai,aarzoo main behne do,pyaasi hoon main pyasi rahne do,katra katra milti hai,katra katra jeenedo,zindagi hai, behne do.."

The greenery around,empty roads,the pink flowers covering the sky and there was still no sign of the sun rays, the chill was making me numb but the feel of it all made me walk further more,"lisening to"Ae zindagi yeh lamha jee lene de,Oh, pehle se likha kuch bhi nahin,Roz naya kuch likhti hai tu,Jo bhi likha hai, dil se jiya hai,Yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de"

Fresh flowers, chandan, coconuts,the omkaram, archana, kumkum, haldi, the incense sticks smelling heavenly, bare feet on the cold floor and the deity all decorated beautifully, a sense of calm when i sat there silently, "bas ek chup sii lagi hai nahii.n udaas nahii.n,kahiin pe saans rukii hai nahiin udaas nahiin,bas ek chup sii lagii hai"

she came and sat next to me,just for two minutes, must be of 5 yrs, absorbing the silence maybe, she was wearing her silk blouse and skirt and with chandan on her forhead and a rose in her hair,she looked so beautiful,maybe the innocence and a simple smile can make anyone look beautiful, she just sat there while her mother and father did the parikrama, then slowly she went to the near by plant and touched the flowers,slowly, she was touching the dew drops,and then she smiled,first slowly and then she ran,laughing,and i heard her telling her dad about her discovery, "Did it rain" her question.. and he was explaining.."No,but..."
i just walked off, Leaving her with her dad, with just one question still at some dark corner of my world which is lingering around for past 17yrs.. Does he miss us? how is it to be with both dad and mom.Strange,certain questions never leave you. do they???
"Ek roj zindagi ke ru-baru aa baithe..., zindagi ne poocha..dard kya hai..? Kyun hota hai..?
Kahan hota hai, yeh bhi toh pata nahi chalta....,Tanhai kya hai aakhir...?Kitne log toh hain...fir tanha kyun ho...?,Mera chehra dekh kar zindagi ne kaha...,main tumhari judwa hun...mujhse naaraz na hua karo...!!"

And there it was,the first rays of sun gracing the world gently and the numbness in my limbs is off,rubbing my hands together i rushed back home,to the silence,to the closed indoors,to the confines of my flat,to get ready,to face the world in a few minutes,when i come out at 8am to leave for work,i can never hear that song from mounaragam, no birds chirping around,the dew and fog vanish and so does the silence and freshness but then there is always Another New Day..Isn't it:)

"abhee alawidaa mat kaho dosaton,jaane kahaa fir mulaakaat ho,beete huye lamahon kee kasak saath to hogee,,khwaabon hee mein ho chaahe, mulaakaat to hogee,ye saath gujaare huye,lamahaata kee daulat jajabaat kee daulat,ye khayaalaat kee daulat,kuchh paas naa ho paas ye saugaat to hogee"

Before i forget, A Happy New Year To All Of You Out There,yes,to you too,the one reading the post now:)

Musafir

All through the train i was singing and don't ask me which song,the list is big but thanks for the music and the camera the journey was good,and Mr.Husband (Tumka,tumka) was silent,Or shall i say as usual Silent,and answers in monologues like Hmmm, Ok,Yeah, fine,Huh:( How does this man survive without talking?? Anyways, He had is usual means of entertainment,Yeah,the same old laptop and newspapers and Outlook Money,Huh.Now a few of the words presented in the form of Pictures:) what to do,Better than talking in monologues:(

From the train,was greeting with such beautiful colors at 6am.

At home,On Diwali evening,i love lamps,of all forms:)

At Hyderabad,just outside my bedroom window i have a neighbor,
nice house mate:)

From the terrace,welcoming the winter sun:)

Ok,may be come inside and taste those mirchi bajji and chikki
and all you are eating lady,You come all the way from bangalore only to eat ,huh!!!

Sunset,on the way to Shirdi from Pune,How do i know its sunset?
Because i took the picture:D

Mr.Husband,i do like Lotus but don't you think there are so many varieties
of flowers and you can give a rose at least once?? out of two times you
gave flowers it was only Lotus:( No, No complaints:D

And for a few more pictures or to know what was Tumka's gift for Tumki head here:) to my kitchen

Phirse Aayi O...

Winter is settling in its wings finally,I realized the feel of it when i saw the evening light gracefully entering through the open windows .There is chillness in the air,I am still not able to decide if i like winter mornings or evenings more, Both of them have an air of majesty in them,if the mornings wake me to the chirping birds the dew,fog and a kind of silence which sets in the house maybe because i am not much in a hurry, Yes,winter always starts with a vacation,that can be the reason why i love the days even more!!! Maybe:) The college is closed for 20days, and the mornings are usually a lazy affair, When i hear the click of the door being closed and a message waiting 'Have a good time' i know i am alone but not lonely, People still get surprised that i don't enjoy my mornings with a cup of coffee or tea and newspaper,No,i Don't, i have a different kind of addiction, I enjoy my lazy winter mornings with music,The house is so silent and i fill every nook and corner with music....Be it a "Bheega bheega mausam,beeni beeni khushboo,jaaga,jaaga jadoo or the ever beautiful "phir se aayi O badraa bidesiii,tere pankhon pe moti jadoongi....Tujhe mere kaale kamli vaale ki sau" but always they make sense,the quietness being slowly covered by the sense of belongingness,with nature or with oneself.

Whereas mornings are fast,giving away to the stubborn sun and by the mid morning the heat gets on to the nerves the evenings set in slowly as if lulling you into a deep sleep with warmth and affection.
Lazy afternoons and busy evenings,the kitchen fire glowing and showing the cullinary skills, what would be a winter evening without hot pakodas or pepper rasam,rice with papad ,No,there is still no Tea or Coffee to the list and while i wait i soak myself with music again,there i go with.."Roz sham aathi thi,magar aisii na thii,ye aaj mere zindagi mein kaun aagaya....' slow but soulful.
The woolens taken out,the Diwali coming up next week and the list is still being made,about flowers,sweets,lights,new... and occasional mosquito bites reminding that they too are invited by the winter.
The wait continues, the watch clicking every minute and the evening sun giving away to darkness,the sky going deep orange and the chillness in the breeze increasing th temptation to close the windows but i am adamant,i still want to be a host to the last few streaks of the fading light,Such a beauty and in a few minutes all will be dark and the sounds start,
Of switching the lights on ,the sounds of TV from next apt, someone playing loud music in the ground floor,the guys next door banging the door close and gates opening and closing and the kids from next building excitingly shouting out their greetings to someone,the dogs out side adding their part too,footsteps outside the main door,The wait continues....and with me is the music while the clock ticking away.......'Beeti na bitaaye raina,birhaa ki ye rainaa,Bheegi hue akhiyon ne...'

Passing Clouds....

It is one of those days,when everything seems perfect but still something is not right,there are people around but you still feel alone, there is music going on but you still crave for words,and when words begin you wish silence dawns, i know its just a passing moment lingering a bit longer but then it suffocates, tears cloud the vision and when someone asks why? what? I have no reasons, does it happen?

When a student whom i was talking to said she just feels like crying and there is no reason and that all is fine and she still wants to cry her friends scolded her,were not ready to believe her,They said she doesn't trust them enough to tell them the reason,they said she is being mean by not sharing the pain, and as a last resort they brought her to their Marketing ma'am whom they come anytime for any reason,Thats me, i didn't know what to say to her friends,how to convince them that its ok to cry with out a reason,to be gloomy with out reasoning it out,

They are kids, 19yrs old but for me they are kids,they will grow up the day they step into this real world filled with opportunities, competition, and where they have no idea who is a friend and a foe and that day they grow up to the worldly manners and then they loose their innocence, They stop asking questions and find answers themselves as per their experiences but for now they are a gang of ever giggling smart innocent kids living amidst protective family, teachers, friends, college life.....
But i could say something to the girl, held her hand and said It happens and that it happens to me also,and that its perfectly normal to cry with out a reason, she did not trust me,there were questions in her eyes,tears filling up and all i could do was give her a hug and holding the hand and assure that she will be fine no sooner.She went home then, gloomy, uncertain and confused, her friends quite and they left,not as usual to the canteen but to home , And in the night i got an sms,from the girl "Ma'am ,i am fine, i dint cry after that,i just went home and slept,i am fine ma'am,i am so sorry for bothering ,Silly me, simply crying with out a reason"

Next day while coming back from a class i saw my good old bunch of marketing students again, heading towards the canteen, laughing and singing,pulling each others leg, there she was, cute sweet girl, laughing and jumping and being herself , they waved at me "Ma'am come with us for a movie today" Hahahaha, i knew they are back to normal, maybe some other time i will join them for a movie or maybe not, For now we ended up with smiles.

And today i just remembered her line again "Silly me,crying without a reason" Yeah,silly me:) maybe i should just go and sleep and when i wake up all will be fine, happens,all the time,atleast with me,... Does it happen to you all?

Yesterday a blog friend said "I miss the good old days of blogging, so many people who are missing in action" and it set me thinking, three full years, so many people came and left,some still writing but the connection is lost somewhere, the blog roll is still the same but the link is missing, there used to be a bonding, there used to be favorites and there used to be mails and replies and calls and worrying if we don't find a post, " all gone,I am an empty man today" remember the line....
Good old days,how we crave for something long gone.....i was saying the same yesterday to an ex colleague. I miss Anumita, Khandu, Suhail, Gayatri, Surinder, Arathi, Ashish, Anand, Manishji, Pallavi, Ardra, saurabh, ishani................. {Some are still writing but then..............the charm of blogging is lost somewhere}

Will i also stop writing one day? Don't know,for now i know i come to write whenever i feel like but how many days do we all come back to an empty house?

Am listening to this beautiful song from Sawariya "Jab se tere nainaa,mere naino.n se laage re, tabse dewaana hua,sabse begaana hua, rab bhi dewana laage re......" Shan's voice has some magic and i am hooked the song:)

Ajnabi

Every day while i travel in this city one thought comes into my head silently,makes me wonder for a moment and then vanishes,i tell myself that with time it wont be long when i will just forget even you are/were a part of this city even before i stepped into this place,but then its been 7months here but each living day i have this feeling,Of knowing/not knowing someone in this crowd, zipping away fast and furious bikes and cars,buses and other vehicles,those hundreds of pedestrians walking fast to their destinations remind me that one in them might be known to me,the one who is not known anymore,
the one who is lost,but always there in thought,the same lanes where while walking you shared dreams with me,those which made me smile,and a few which made me Dream-of life,of love and one day it all ended in tears,Now,after such a long time while i silently walk down those lanes i am satisfied and in peace with myself,Everything ends one day and gives way to new hopes,new life and new dreams,i am content, now i don't fight the feeling that you are somewhere near, now i know that it ended for you too,Hoping and wishing that you too are walking in the lanes of memory with a content and peace of knowing that all ends and gives way to a new Beginning, I wish that smile stays forever,I wish that for you my dear stranger....Do you feel the same???

Aanewala pal Jaanewala Hain

"Ye din aaye.. lage phool hasne,Dekho basanthi basanthi hone lage mere sapne,...sone jasii ho rahi hain har subah meri,lage har saanj gulaal se bharii..." the one song which reminds me the beauty of the lyrics and the composition,and Mukesh's voice has a resounding effect on on the senses,"choti si baat" is one of my favorite films,but so is the music,i always mention the evergreen "na jaane kyon.." but the one sung by Mukesh is very close to my heart,it always would be for those who love music in its true sense.

One sentence used by most of my friends which always amuses me is "why do you hear music which makes you cry," Music will always make one emotional,it need not be painful situation but a song which is rendered beautifully,which has amazing lyrics makes me emotional.

one such song which i am listening to at 2am while typing away this post is "ek akelee chatri mein jab aadhe aadhe bheeg rahe the,aadhe sukhe aadhe geele, sukhaa to main le aaee thee,geelaa mann shaayad, bistar ke paas padaa ho,wo bhijawaa do, meraa wo saamaan lautaa do...Mera kuch saamaan tumhare paas pada hain.."from the movie Ijaazat.

For me the movie is about memories,the movie is a painting which i wouldn want to remove my eyes from,a silence which i wouldn want to break away from...ever,The performances,the music and dialogues and lyrics,One line which always brings tears to my eyes "ek ijaazat de do bas, jab isko dafnaauungi,main bhi vahii so jauungi .. main bhii vahii so jauungii.." Hmmm,and how foolish was i? trying to wade through a tide of memories,hoping that one day i will cross it over and then all will be fine,The line reminds me that they would end,but with Death,accept them,walk along with them,People are left behind but it is the memories which live till i am alive.....


I heard this song first time when i was in my graduation i guess,and i noted down the lyrics in a small notebook where i used to note down my favorite songs,and i used to tell everyone "One day i will have a collection of all these songs,at that time i just had dreams,we never had a cable connection or internet or CD's for that matter,an old taperecorder and it was a big thing to buy a cassette spending 60rs as a student,the black diary helped me to pack my dreams and fondly reminds me about a past which was so simple yet so beautiful,so tough yet so easy and so painful yet the smiles dominated....

Masoom..The only movie which i always had a special place for,and the music which i need not even talk about but one song which i remember for the voice quality and for the lyrics..."Do naina,ek kahaani,thoda sa badal,thoda sa pani,auuur ek kahaani...choti si do jeelo mein woh behathi rehthi hain...Koi sune,ya na sune,kehthi rehthi hain..kuch likhke,kuch jubaan se....thoda sa baadal..

"Kitne saahil dhoonde, koi na saamne aaya ,Jab majdhaar mein doobe, saahil thaamne aaya,Tumne saahil, oh, pehle bichhaaya hota,Khaamosh sa afsaana paani se likha hota,Na tumne kaha hota, na humne suna hota..." For a long time i dint know about the movie the song is from and to know that this movie was banned by censor board made me thank god that they dint ban the music atleast.

I tried my best to keep away from this song,i already mentioned this song in so many posts but still,i cannot complete this post without the song...After RD's demise HMV came up with a tribute for him with Gulzar rendering his voice talking about the moments and memories and the lines which i remember when it rains are..."Yaad hai baarishoN ke din thay woh, Pancham! Aur pahadee ke neeche waadi mein dhuNdh se jhaaNk kar nikalthi hue rail ke patariyaan gujarthi thi. Aur dhuNdh meiN aise lag rahe thay hum, jaise do paudhe paas baithe ho.n.....

Tumne to aakash bichhaya,mere nange pairo main zameen hai,dekhe to tumhaari aarzoo hai,shayad aisi zindagi haseen hai,aarzoo main behne do,pyaasi hoon main pyasi rahne do,katra katra milti hai,katra katra jeenedo,zindagi hai, bahne do...again from the movie "Ijaazat" I remember the train passing through the greenery,through the hills,the dew giving way to it and then the ever beautiful Asha bhosle's voice.....

Closing the books,switching off the music i invited the pitch darkness and the silence to be a partner through the remaining night,as i went to close the window i could hear from the flat next,I wish i could see the person,But maybe not,i am happy with the choice of the music,i dont want to close the windows,let the breeze float in the musical notes of..." Aanewaala pal jaanewala hain,hosake tho isme,zindagi bithado,pal jo ye jaanewala hain...."

Note:( why are comments shown as "0" when the post has comments:(:(:(

Pic courtesy:Deviant Art

Jai Mangala Murti

Certain feelings,some days,a few moments can never be portrayed in words,I wish i can capture the fragrance which is still lingering around the house and keep it with me forever,the smell of chandan,flowers,fresh fruits,sweets,coconuts,mango leaves,haldi,kumkum and the lamps glowing forcing the darkness to give way to the light in the heart,forcing away all fears and being a part of the moment,praying silently knowing that i am not alone who is feeling it all,knowing that you are with me makes it all so fulfilling.Thank you god,for everything i got in life and thank you for something which i lost,i am a better person today.

Ashayein-4

Birthday came and went,Old by another one Year which is just fine:) A few remembered,Called up, wished and lot many forgot,the people whom i worked with for 8years forgot and the people whom i called friends and gave space in my life and in this blog too forgot and a few whom i thought will sure forget remembered:) and they surprised,with wishes and calls and i ended up with smiles,.New city and nil friends,new work place and the thought that first time mom won't be there to wish me first in the morning {yeah,we are not so big about 12am wishes}..coupled with severe cold and too much of work i wasn't keen about birthday:) Went to work as usual and had a good time,Not bad to celebrate birthday with new colleagues,they were sweet enough to indulge me with lot of words and wishes:) Reached home,still something missing, knocked the door and when someone opened it i was screaming at top of my lungs and sure someone with a faint heart would have lost it.I still have no idea if i was laughing or crying but hubby says i did both.Yes,My mom was here,it was supposed to be a surprise,husband and brother and planned it.,I would never again say i hate surprises. Just her presence made so much difference and i am not angry with people who forgot,the people who just left it behind,or maybe nothing to do with her presence,Its time i realized too that priorities change,people change and so did I and we all moved on with our life's and all are happy in their own way,

changing some things, moving ahead of some friendships and leaving behind a unwanted relationship did good to me,and i just thank god for what has been given and no regrets for what i have lost,it was meant to be and i accept it:) I am happy in my small world with a few complaints and tears but it all vanishes with the love and the smiles and joy which spreads along.

It was truly a Happy Birthday and if i missed the rush,fun,hoards of friends,100's of sms and calls and loads of gifts and how 24hrs were never enough to meet them all I was also happy being content and calm,spending leisurely time with the two people whom i love and need the most, When i remembered that more or less past 15yrs she just waited for me to reach home,from friends,parties,college,she was the first person and last one too to wish me on this day,but rest i never spent time with her,i was busy and this time i made no mistakes, letting her oil my hair,talking about my wedding last year,gossiping about the relatives and yes,after one year of the wedding we both finally found time to talk about the food served and the silk sarees and gold worn by many and about the new designs and what not. First time again had home cooked food on my birthday,so long its been since i did that,
everything was different but every moment was precious,Every moment was filled with content,smiles and the feel that a new beginning has been made,I now know that the pace has slowed down but the moment has been just right and i am Happy,That matters,Isn't it?

i remembered this song.."aao tumhe chand pe lejaaye,pyar bhare sapne sajaaye,chota sa bangla banaaye,ek nayi duniya basaaye,aao tumhe chand pe lejaaye..."