Thursday, January 15, 2009

"Bekaar ki baatein"

Why do you have to be upset? Why do you need that mask to cover your feelings anytime? Why are you scared of showing that soft side of your emotions to people? Why do you have to talk to your blog and not to real people? Why are you so rigid? What makes you lock yourself in? Why don't you let anyone know your inner self?

How many questions, how many times i just avoid it, it hurts, its irritating and at times its comforting that you are trying to know me... But i never give you an answer, do i? Well, i just ended up giving the answer here, i still have no strength to answer the questions, its been more than three years but the wounds are still raw, It terribly hurts even today....... I wish i can speak about it.. but i won't.

I don't let anyone know about me, i never trust anyone and neither do i smile at anyone, never the first one to make a conversation, not a friendly person or not easy going......... I know all the terms by heart now but this is so much better than..........." Being walked all over by people just because you trust them, you smiled, you shared laughter, and they left the pain forever, you just wipe someone's tears and they take away your smile forever. The pain of being left alone, the pain of being laughed at, being mocked at just because you trusted..... dammit, the tears still flow, but dint i get over them? "The words still ring in my ears " I now Don't need you"

Now you know why i lock myself in? so that i am safe. Thank you for asking.


~nm said...

I am confused. What is this all about?

Purnima said...

I hear you..

starry nights said...

I have been there Alpana, hurt too many times.Time will heal and you will open your heart and let others know how you feel.

Stone said...

hmmm..."Dukh koi afsaana nahi ke keh doon......"

Take care!!

Art said...

I am sure you are stong enough to come out of this feeling dear. Till date everytime I open ur blog, I recollect our first meeting... I think that was our only meeting.. and what a day it was

Arunima said...

I have been hurt many times but I have never closed myself up. It helped me because finally, I met people who understood me. I think it is wrong to stop trusting.

White Magpie said...

Don't trust anyone? You might as well be dead. Everyone is trustworthy till they prove otherwise..

Being safe is dead, isn't it?No probabilities, only certainties..I'm here after a long time..Shucks..too bad to see you like this..

AMIT said...

Have patience friend.

Lingerie Alley


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