Saturday, September 23, 2006

Nostalgia is the word:)



Its silent and it usually is,the apartments,the corridors and the surroundings are always silent here,all i can hear at times is doors being opened or closed,sometimes i feel scared of it all,No one to talk to,sometimes i wish my servant comes early so that i can atleast hear her cribbing about the rain,about her husband's carelessness,and if she is silent then i can hear her bangles clicking while washing dishes.
How i wish i had people around,i am tired of talking to mom on phone,i am tired of waiting for hubby to come home,but then there is always TV and Internet,books and music...Asked a colleague when i complained.yeah But they are not living things,i wanted to scream,there is your blog,asked brother when i started cribbing,Oh please,i do have my blog but i cannot or dont want to spend all my time there,i wanted to scream again.But you have your job,you are always busy,said mom when i said i feel bored,I just shrugged and changed the topic.
What do you want my dear "asked hubby in a soothing voice,i dint scream this time,i dint say anything and fell into my silence again,I wish i could answer my collegue, my bro, hubby and mom,but i dint,will they understand?
Will they understand if i say i want to unwind myself into the breezy countryside with its innocence and livliness,will they understand if i say i want to watch the first ray of sun falling on that river flowing infront of grannys house in a remote village in coastel andhra?

I want to wakeup to the sound of temple bells in the vishnu alayam and shivalayam in that small village,i want to wakeup to the smiles echoing in the varandah,that big armed chair which is always filled in by any of the elders walking into the house,the smoke rising from the circular kitchen {yes, a circular kitchen} tucked away from the main house,the first dose of hot idlies getting ready and butter being churned in a earthen pot,fresh vegetables just plucked from the vast garden around.
the breeze from the coconut trees around is so soothing,and yes,there are no bounday walls,no lines drawn,people walk in and out of eachothers territories without much fuss being made,that fresh water pond which is filled with waterlilles near the library,and all those elders gathering on the stone benches just near the entrance of the houses enquiring everyone going that way,gossip travels fast in those lanes,but such harmeless bickering which can be easily ignored.
Taking an afternoon nap is absolutely imp,that too under that big wildjasmine tree,yes its called konda malli,put those old fashioned foldable beds under that tree,the breeze from the river greeting you,the tree is 50yrs old i am told.
and the evening arrives with such beauty, "godhulivela" A beautiful word in telugu which means that time of the evening when all the cows are returning from the fields with bells ringing which are tied to their necks,and the dust raised from the walk tries to match with the red orange sunset over the water,the dust from that red and black clay mud,
No TV or Internet there,but you still can live without missing them,there is somuch to do,somuch to feel and absorb in your head,in your heart,i stand near the small entrance to the small park near the river flowing,kids jumping into the water from that bridge built over the river,it joins two sides of a village, the other side which i can see from this end,but to reach i need to either swim or walk on that bridge,the one which was built 70yrs back.
Time for dinner,Dinner,i smile,the image of very hot rice and mango pickle,ghee,sambhar and vadiyalu or papad as we call and then curd with rocksalt and lemon pickle makes me so hungry.the lantherns are lit in all the rooms,the beds are being made outside the side varandah,white bedsheets and pillows and handfan if it gets too hot,but its never hot in summer also.

jasmines and roses and hibiscus blooming allover and there are not many sounds now,the river looks serene,i keep watching the ripples and the moonlight falling on it and slowly fall asleep,i was not busy but still tired,i dint work much but still very hungry,i dint have a blog or TV but i still feel satisfied,i dint call anyone from my mobile,but i feel as if i chatted the whole day,I have had such a wonderful day,that day,sometime back,or was it long back when i was there,was it five yrs back, already!!!!!
When i was a carefree young girl still dreaming alot,and it makes me feel so old,i am married,oh god,does it change my outlook towards life there?
For now i dont feel so.But i am going back there,out of a tradition of doing a puja in the Ramalayam in that tiny village,next yr April i will be there,all the newly wed couples in my family go there for their first sriramanavami festival,perform a kalyanam,i will go there too,i dont know much of the puja or the rituals,but i will go there,share the feeling in silence with hubby,maybe then he will know,he will understand the words hiding behind my silence,for now i am making peace with TV,iNTERNET,blog and mobile and getting back to enjoy what i have now,tomorrow is long way,let me live today,tomorrow will come when it has to:)

PS:Non beta bloggers can leave an anonymous comment if they r unable to comment here and as i am not able to leave comments in non beta blogs i will continue with anon comments myself:) Sorry for the trouble guys,i was stupid enough to jump into blogger beta,now wait till ...........

34 comments:

Manish said...

Achcha likha hai Alaapna !

Anonymous said...

you know what? this thing was refusing consistently to open - my frth attempt - i even took ur email add from sush to ask you about it :) but it opened so yay!!!!!
DC

reborn said...

i can relate to your post ....i think sometimes what the hell am I doing ..I should be back home ...but till we leave and go away , and when it s too difficult to return , we realise how much and what me miss ,,,.. :) is nt it ...

Usha said...

Loved the description of your village - seems like a part of heaven. Nice to know such places continue to exist in the middle of all this madness in the name of progress.

KrishnaArjuna said...

I have similar memories..but I don't have the privilege of going back since we don't have any roots associated with our ancestral village anymore.

Kishore said...

>> tomorrow is long way,let me live today,tomorrow will come when it has to:)

You said it Neels! That should suffice to carry us forward...

justme said...

Thoughtful as usual..!! :-) Wishing I could take a holiday and rush off to some secluded palce where I am enveloped by the serenity of nature..!!

Stone said...

memories....wishes..aspirations...., absolutely loved this post, dunno how many times i read this!!

Anonymous said...

Well thats the amazing thing about life, its never like we want it to be. Remeber when we were kids, we wanted to grow up. And now that we are grown ups, we want to be kids again..

That's life...enjoy as it comes.

Ashish
www.coherentrambling.blogspot.com

P.S. I have managed to put up my longest post till date..:-)

Minal said...

I so , so relate to this.

Amazing.

Balaji said...

:)
very nice...

Hip Grandma said...

Nice post. Took me back to my pre teen days.

Vi said...

I wish I could go back, too.

Velu Nair said...

Its just wodnerful the way u have penned ur thought, Alapana!! Soulful music as they call it!!!
:)
Nostalgia is one fine feeling for sure!
:)

Gangadhar said...

remote village in coastel andhra? which village ur talking 'bout? btw me from coastal andhra..

itchingtowrite said...

so true- tired of talking to mom & tired of waiting for husband & there is always TV/ books- these r what people do when they are waiting alone at home. hope u hav good time in your village

artnavy said...

Borders on melancholy. Try doing a jig saw puzzle of more than 1000 pieces-it helps me when I am feeling a little lost.
What is the name of your village?Sounds pristine.

Dan said...

Beautiful.

Archana Bahuguna said...

Beautiful thoughts. I relate to them so much. Sometimes I just want to go live the life of a villager at slow pace, watching beautiful and innocent smiling faces all the while, that ingenuity all the time, the abundance of nature. At times, it just feels that is real. Most of what we are doing is so superficial, it seems.

Was a nice post!

passerby55 said...

why why why find it so difficult to open ur posts.....

...and u have written, and i have missed reading your posts...

passerby55 said...

good that comment showed up...now let me speak what i want to:

this is a lovely post, troubling me to my soul

trust me alapana, a post that steers one's soul.

i agree to all u say...

godhulivela" A beautiful word in telugu which means that time of the evening when all the cows are returning from the fields ...

when will i return to "my HOME"
thankyou

satish jupalli said...

Hi Alps,

Ur blog made me book tickects for my grand Father's village, which is in the middle of FOrest :)

I will be going there 4 Deewali.
Waiting 2 go there...

For now Happy Dussera to u.

regards
satish jupalli

Ye manzilen !! said...

Neelima-
I too was transported to Farrukabad near Kanpur in UP. You have a way with words painter...
Thanks
Shahid

passerby55 said...

Hi,

you are tagged to write six weird things about yourself...by me. please find time to do it, ofcourse if u have not done it be4

Alapana said...

Manishji,thankyou.

DC,yayyyy,good that it opened:)

reborn,you are right,some journeys are made never to return,and we go on with life knowing that a part of us is missing but then no choice probably. thanks for coming here.

Alapana said...

Ushaji,i share your fear,such places are surely vanishing in the name of progress,i wish my village retains its beauty but..

krishnaarjuna,that way i am lucky for now,but maybe one day even i might loose my roots,when i just will be left with memories and no one to turn back to:) but then life goes on.

Kishore,it does,how have you been by the way:)

Alapana said...

justme,thankyou,i hope you sure do that one day when you can time off from your busy schedule.

stoneji,thankyou,your comment asusual means alot.

Ashish,yeah,we always want what is not in our hands,isnt it.
I did read your longest post,will comment on it too,hope you understand.

Alapana said...

minal,thankyou,by the way do you know that i have been to your blog before also,and absolutely loved the posts there.

Balaji,thankyou

hipgrandma
thankyou.memories which make us smile once in a while,isnt it.

Alapana said...

Vi,i will also wish for you,and when you can make it do let us all know about it.

Velu,thankyou,thats all i could do,penning down the words filling my head,my heart,i wish to run away to that place,but the so called life which ties me down here wont let me move:)

gangadhar,i am from Krishna district,a remote village near Gudivada.I know you are from coastal andhra,somehow guessed it;p

Alapana said...

itchingtowrite,i wish to have a wonderful time in the village,but there is still lot of time before i go there,till then i just have to pass time working,waiting and watching:)

artnavy,thankyou,will try.Its a rempte village called elamarru in Krishna district of coastal andhra.

dan,thankyou

Alapana said...

archana,true,we all have a life which we build with lot of patience, strength and love,compassion,but end of it we realise something is missing,that is the peace,which we could never buy.Life sure has become a rollarcoaster ride,wish i can stop it for a while and laze around till i want to.

passerby,thankyou for trying again and again,next time try refreshing the page,maybe you will be able to see the content.
"When will i reach my home" I hope you do so soon" we all dream and can hope they turn to reality,i hope yours will be reality too.
I will takeup the tag soon.thanku

Alapana said...

satish,good to see you back,and your comment made me smile,go there,enjoy,forget the fast paced world we live in,and when you comeback do let me know about your experiences.

Shahid,thankyou,thats a great compliment coming from you sir.

Tulan said...

Wish i could go back to india and enjoy life in city and the small native town of my birth everyday. Those early morning chills, the squirrels running around, birds chirping all day and the silent night under the stars i used to sleep in my frontyard. How i miss that ;-(

Anonymous said...

I love this post... for the feeling it gave me... for the mood it transported me to...

Anumita

 

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