Phirse Aayi O...

Winter is settling in its wings finally,I realized the feel of it when i saw the evening light gracefully entering through the open windows .There is chillness in the air,I am still not able to decide if i like winter mornings or evenings more, Both of them have an air of majesty in them,if the mornings wake me to the chirping birds the dew,fog and a kind of silence which sets in the house maybe because i am not much in a hurry, Yes,winter always starts with a vacation,that can be the reason why i love the days even more!!! Maybe:) The college is closed for 20days, and the mornings are usually a lazy affair, When i hear the click of the door being closed and a message waiting 'Have a good time' i know i am alone but not lonely, People still get surprised that i don't enjoy my mornings with a cup of coffee or tea and newspaper,No,i Don't, i have a different kind of addiction, I enjoy my lazy winter mornings with music,The house is so silent and i fill every nook and corner with music....Be it a "Bheega bheega mausam,beeni beeni khushboo,jaaga,jaaga jadoo or the ever beautiful "phir se aayi O badraa bidesiii,tere pankhon pe moti jadoongi....Tujhe mere kaale kamli vaale ki sau" but always they make sense,the quietness being slowly covered by the sense of belongingness,with nature or with oneself.

Whereas mornings are fast,giving away to the stubborn sun and by the mid morning the heat gets on to the nerves the evenings set in slowly as if lulling you into a deep sleep with warmth and affection.
Lazy afternoons and busy evenings,the kitchen fire glowing and showing the cullinary skills, what would be a winter evening without hot pakodas or pepper rasam,rice with papad ,No,there is still no Tea or Coffee to the list and while i wait i soak myself with music again,there i go with.."Roz sham aathi thi,magar aisii na thii,ye aaj mere zindagi mein kaun aagaya....' slow but soulful.
The woolens taken out,the Diwali coming up next week and the list is still being made,about flowers,sweets,lights,new... and occasional mosquito bites reminding that they too are invited by the winter.
The wait continues, the watch clicking every minute and the evening sun giving away to darkness,the sky going deep orange and the chillness in the breeze increasing th temptation to close the windows but i am adamant,i still want to be a host to the last few streaks of the fading light,Such a beauty and in a few minutes all will be dark and the sounds start,
Of switching the lights on ,the sounds of TV from next apt, someone playing loud music in the ground floor,the guys next door banging the door close and gates opening and closing and the kids from next building excitingly shouting out their greetings to someone,the dogs out side adding their part too,footsteps outside the main door,The wait continues....and with me is the music while the clock ticking away.......'Beeti na bitaaye raina,birhaa ki ye rainaa,Bheegi hue akhiyon ne...'

Passing Clouds....

It is one of those days,when everything seems perfect but still something is not right,there are people around but you still feel alone, there is music going on but you still crave for words,and when words begin you wish silence dawns, i know its just a passing moment lingering a bit longer but then it suffocates, tears cloud the vision and when someone asks why? what? I have no reasons, does it happen?

When a student whom i was talking to said she just feels like crying and there is no reason and that all is fine and she still wants to cry her friends scolded her,were not ready to believe her,They said she doesn't trust them enough to tell them the reason,they said she is being mean by not sharing the pain, and as a last resort they brought her to their Marketing ma'am whom they come anytime for any reason,Thats me, i didn't know what to say to her friends,how to convince them that its ok to cry with out a reason,to be gloomy with out reasoning it out,

They are kids, 19yrs old but for me they are kids,they will grow up the day they step into this real world filled with opportunities, competition, and where they have no idea who is a friend and a foe and that day they grow up to the worldly manners and then they loose their innocence, They stop asking questions and find answers themselves as per their experiences but for now they are a gang of ever giggling smart innocent kids living amidst protective family, teachers, friends, college life.....
But i could say something to the girl, held her hand and said It happens and that it happens to me also,and that its perfectly normal to cry with out a reason, she did not trust me,there were questions in her eyes,tears filling up and all i could do was give her a hug and holding the hand and assure that she will be fine no sooner.She went home then, gloomy, uncertain and confused, her friends quite and they left,not as usual to the canteen but to home , And in the night i got an sms,from the girl "Ma'am ,i am fine, i dint cry after that,i just went home and slept,i am fine ma'am,i am so sorry for bothering ,Silly me, simply crying with out a reason"

Next day while coming back from a class i saw my good old bunch of marketing students again, heading towards the canteen, laughing and singing,pulling each others leg, there she was, cute sweet girl, laughing and jumping and being herself , they waved at me "Ma'am come with us for a movie today" Hahahaha, i knew they are back to normal, maybe some other time i will join them for a movie or maybe not, For now we ended up with smiles.

And today i just remembered her line again "Silly me,crying without a reason" Yeah,silly me:) maybe i should just go and sleep and when i wake up all will be fine, happens,all the time,atleast with me,... Does it happen to you all?

Yesterday a blog friend said "I miss the good old days of blogging, so many people who are missing in action" and it set me thinking, three full years, so many people came and left,some still writing but the connection is lost somewhere, the blog roll is still the same but the link is missing, there used to be a bonding, there used to be favorites and there used to be mails and replies and calls and worrying if we don't find a post, " all gone,I am an empty man today" remember the line....
Good old days,how we crave for something long gone.....i was saying the same yesterday to an ex colleague. I miss Anumita, Khandu, Suhail, Gayatri, Surinder, Arathi, Ashish, Anand, Manishji, Pallavi, Ardra, saurabh, ishani................. {Some are still writing but then..............the charm of blogging is lost somewhere}

Will i also stop writing one day? Don't know,for now i know i come to write whenever i feel like but how many days do we all come back to an empty house?

Am listening to this beautiful song from Sawariya "Jab se tere nainaa,mere naino.n se laage re, tabse dewaana hua,sabse begaana hua, rab bhi dewana laage re......" Shan's voice has some magic and i am hooked the song:)

Ajnabi

Every day while i travel in this city one thought comes into my head silently,makes me wonder for a moment and then vanishes,i tell myself that with time it wont be long when i will just forget even you are/were a part of this city even before i stepped into this place,but then its been 7months here but each living day i have this feeling,Of knowing/not knowing someone in this crowd, zipping away fast and furious bikes and cars,buses and other vehicles,those hundreds of pedestrians walking fast to their destinations remind me that one in them might be known to me,the one who is not known anymore,
the one who is lost,but always there in thought,the same lanes where while walking you shared dreams with me,those which made me smile,and a few which made me Dream-of life,of love and one day it all ended in tears,Now,after such a long time while i silently walk down those lanes i am satisfied and in peace with myself,Everything ends one day and gives way to new hopes,new life and new dreams,i am content, now i don't fight the feeling that you are somewhere near, now i know that it ended for you too,Hoping and wishing that you too are walking in the lanes of memory with a content and peace of knowing that all ends and gives way to a new Beginning, I wish that smile stays forever,I wish that for you my dear stranger....Do you feel the same???