Sunday, March 12, 2006

Thankyou to "BLANK NOISE PROJECT"

I thought about for a week almost and today decided that i would put it up here,at my blog,i wont let it be there in the dark as most of us women are taught in this country.No,i was not taught so,thanks ma. Being a single parent she always made sure to give the best to me,i remember how frustrated i was on the first day of my early morning class where i had to walk a km to get into a bus,where as lot of girls whom i knew came with their fathers.
I still remember the night when i went to her in tears saying that "someone was teasing me in the bus" and i asked her to come with me the next day and she said "I will sure come with you tomorrow,then day after,but one day i might not,then what will you do? Its easy to be like a creeper,always needing support to stand high and tall,Do you want to be one like that? the choice is absolutely yours"
5yrs of my college life,and now in my career,i dont remember a day when i got scared of walking through dark lanes or facing guys who had fun at the cost of a girls modesty,i never got scared to handle someone when they crossed the limits.But still most of the times i just felt helpless at the first instance of facing it,and so sure it happened last week.
When i wrote the last lines of this post people thought i am just talking about the darkness in life,No, THAT NIGHT sure was terrifying.
University campus is all busy in the morning but by evening you are always greeted with silence mostly with the depts closed and buses occassionally stopping at nearly empty stages of Ladies hostel,Arts college,VC's offce and so on.....

Working till 9.30pm was not new,that too valauation of exam papers goes on till late in the night,and when i got out of the branch i was greeted with a darklane minus street lights,and the nearest auto stand was almost 10min walk,and it was drizzling,The darkness never frightens me,but i did a mistake,of putting on my earphones and was busy listening to songs on my mobile,it never occured that i was stopping myself from being alert to any sounds,
i dint care,i could see the lights far off on the main road.Kept walking humming to myself,sometimes Gutfeelings help,and with me,it always does,Dont know what made me turn back at the right instance and even before i turned completley i could feel two hands holding me and i just couldn see anything for a few seconds maybe in the shock.
struggling to breath i tried to push the person away from a tight grip, I couldn think,but i have to,if i have to survive i need to,one side of the road is all covered with large trees and if he gets successful dragging me then even i cannot help myself,And i could feel his hands trying to cover my mouth,But i was not screaming,maybe it never occured to me that i can scream,all i concentrated was in my hands and with one last effort i punched on his face,
and he just moved a few inches away from me,and i dont know if i was angry,helpless or frustrated,but next came my leg hitting him hard to the ground,i dont know how many times i kicked him,but my neck was hurting with his grip and i knew he was bleeding,and then i heard the whistle from a guard running towards me,all i remember is suddenly i was free and someone running away fast with the guard asking me if i was fine.
My ear ring was missing,my gold chain was safe,so was my mobile,and i was alive,with a few bruises on my neck,and i was not in a shock but i was desperate for a glass of water.I dint want to talk,i just got into the auto and gave him the address,for next 30 min i was helping myself to calm down.
Got inside and greeted my mom with a smile,No,i dint tell her about it,Why? because i know tomorrow she wont be able to escort me through another darklane,i have to face it again and again and i know i can.But when i got into my room,closed the door,there came the tears,of anger,frustration,helplessness.Will it ever stop? What level of awareness will help those thousands of victims that being silent wont help?
Yes,i have been a victim before also,it wont help keeping silent,fight back,and all you need is the willpower to live and live with Dignity.
I walked on the same lane the other day,and with an effort and complaints to the higherups now there are a few more guards and i saw the electric lights glowing in the night.
I was smiling,Because i know now someone else who tries the same lane to walk past the darkness wont be scared,they are safe,but i hope they are careful and I hope they Fight back if a need arises. No one will help you unless you do it yourself,Try,Its not easy,but its not impossible.

49 comments:

Dreamcatcher said...

That was terrifying - and so chilling. I admire your courage. But you stood up for yourself and got out of the situation. Am proud of you.

Surinder said...

hmm

Arunima said...

hugs!

I remember the days when I used to carry umbrella to the college everyday. It helps to be aggressive. My voice too failed me when I faced a similar situation (though it was not to steal this time) but I reacted the way you did it.

zypsy said...

wow!! you got guts lady, hope that guy has learned his lesson!

btw, your template's one of the most beautiful ones i've ever come across:-)

Anonymous said...

Hi:
I am glad to hear you are ok. See if anybody sells "sap gloves" in your area. If they do - check them out. Also, think about having a canister of "pepper spray" handy. Be safe.

d4u said...

That was scary.Hats off to you for being so courageous:) You said rite...ultimately its only we who can stand up for ourselves....

Art said...

OMG!!! I hope u are alright dear... I was so shocked to read this... But u did a right thing...
We need to help ourselves...
Take care dear...

Having a lot of work lately... :(
Will mail u soon :)

Het Waghela said...

Alap,
You are a brave and strong girl. Coming to ur blog first time and going through ur other posts also.

Nice blog.

Gangadhar said...

Dat's so scary indeed!But you handled the situation,so courageously..
I'm glad that you're safe.And i can say is..pl take care,alaps!

Alapana said...

Ish,when death calls we all struggle for life:) so did i.

Surinder,Hmmmmmmmm


Arunima,i do carry umbrella,but that day i prefered using hands and legs.

Alapana said...

Zypsy,more than Guts it is survival instincts i would say.I dont know if he learnt the lesson,but i hope he does. Thankyou about the template,its my fav too.

Anon? Do I know you?

d4u,I wish we all think similarly at such instances atleast:)

Alapana said...

Art,Now enough of USofA,come back and lets have loads of fun together:) your gifts are still waiting for you to be here:)

Het,thanku,both of us sure did meet at some other blogs but ya,first time on eachothers blog maybe:)

Gangadhar,thanks,i will for sure takecare,I have other plans for life,Dont want this incident to repeat anytime in life:)

satish jupalli said...

Im glad to know ur OK alps.

It reminds me a quote:
I am the master of my fate(ur a bit careless, Im sorry to say this), I am the captain of my soul. (U want to fight the problem alone)

Hats of to the courage u have shown. Be carefull.

Manish said...

omg! Well done, the way u faced the adversary is truly commendable.. Ur post will surely give courage to others.

TII said...

Can't believe such things happen in Hyd too!! But immensely glad that you faced it bravely and gave that b***ard something to think about. Kudos to your spirit madam!

Anonymous said...

I don't believe so. Then again ... who knows.

Jigal.. said...

hi

brave girl....

how is your neck dear??????

any ways a strong willpower can make any difficult tasl easy....

anyways be careful next time...when u r walking alone at night....

bye

take care

Alapana said...

Satish,Infact yesterday i was thinking where you have disappeared,"Think of the Devil,The Devil is here:p
Well,dont be sorry to say that i was careful,ofcourse i was careless:( and fighting back alone is not out of choice,Its the only option i have got there,or in life,so following it:) I will be carefull from next time.

Alapana said...

Manishji,its scary,isnt it:)

Anon,when i donot know you then why being Anon? we hide from people whom we know,we hide from people who hurt us,or who took away our smiles,when we both donot know eachother then...... Why hiding:)
And thankyou for the advice,but i dont think i will use a pepperspray,because i dont think i can react so sharply,i go blank:) and i dont know what sap gloves are.

Alapana said...

tii,what do u mean cant believe?? such things do happen here,i faced it alleast thrice in my college life:) Why dont you come down to Hyderabad to see how much it has changed.

Jigal,
Hi,
neck is fine,i can move it around:p and i will be careful for sure next time,but i dont want a next time for such issues now,isnt it.
happy holi to you:)

Anonymous said...

Maam:
Why being anon? Somehow, I try to stay away from the public forums. But, in your case - you needed to know they are still people batting for you. Hiding is not the way I put it - whatever name I use still may not mean anything - ala, the concept of Blogger's identity. I just hope that these incidents see the light of the day in more popular media rather than blogs - improves awareness among the masses. Good luck.

Ardra said...

came here just now and read u'r post with my heart in my mouth...Thank God you reacted the way u did- and Thank Giod the guard appeared when he did...and pls listen to songs when u're safe and secure...
luv you my brave friend..
ardra

Usha said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Usha said...

makes me so angry to see the kind of things we have to fight day in and day out just to lead a normal life.
I am so proud of the way you handled it. and now because of you the other girls can walk with a little more safety.
Loved this post although I shiver every time I think of what it must have been for you at that moment.

Alapana said...

Anon,Please explain the sentence....." But, in your case - you needed to know they are still people batting for you"

Absolutely no idea what that means:) And about you being away from public forums,i respect your decision,but then as i put it,Mind is like a dogs tail,the things which we need to keep off from are always more interesting and we get inqusitive,So i keep wondering if i know you,and its kind of scary also,because after a long and famous innings in blogworld i got tired and started this place to be my ownself:)
I would again say that blogs might not be the exact media for bringing awareness,but this can also be a tool in making it known to people that there are indeed women who fight back,and that might help those who are silent.And i am sure lot of women bloggers must have gone through lot more experiences and if sharing gives us strength to fight back,then why not?
and i would say spreading the word in whatever way we can sure helps.and as for my way,As a teacher of handling students of almost my age,i make sure to ahve such discussions and make sure that they have the confidence to fight back.

De-Silva said...

Hi Alapana,

Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. appreciate that...

Boy, you are one brave person! Glad you dealt with it he way you did..more power to you!

Cheers

De-Silva

Anonymous said...

I think my comment - "about other media than blogs" - was little harried. What I meant was in addition to blogs.

About me, I am more than positive we do not know each other. When I said in 2nd post 'who knows...' - I meant unknowing chance encounters in our small world. So, you can rest easy.

My first entry was in effect due to your "Leave me Alone" entry. I don't like people moving into the realm of cynicism. We have too many of them as it is. So, it was an attempt to make sure that you are aware that there are people who empathize with what you are going through and glad that you came out through a difficult situation in flying colors (no pun intended).

As you are doing in your classes - public discourse is one of the useful ways to raise awareness.

The Guy Next Door said...

You are one brave person - And an inspiration to the rest of us. Hats Off!!!

Arz000n said...

Oh boy!!!

Man..its not safe to travel with ear rings, cell phone and gold chain these days....thank god I dont wear the rings part....but stil I know I'm at risk

:)

You are one brave lady!!

Take care...

ishita said...

hmmm...the more i read and the more i see how we are subjected to such humiliation...the more frustrated and angry i feel...

u're brave..yes...it's not easy to keep ur wits about you in such circumstances...

i never talk of disturbing incidents like this...i push them away sumwhere...i know...after reading ur story and many others in the past days...that awareness is important and every incident will make others more careful...

one cannot live with the feeling that it happens to others ... and not me...it could be happening to anyone...even as i sit and post this comment...

alpana...i lived through that night as i read this post...it disturbed me a lot reading about it...but it got me thinking...and i feel yes, i shouldn't push away unpleasantness...someone can learn from my experiences too...

Alapana said...

Ardra,hahahaha,you sure made me laugh with that comment on listening to songs when i am safe and secure:p
Yes ma'am,will do so,when i am in trouble i will only chant Hanuman chalisa and songs will have to wait:D
Thankgod is the word which i could think of when all of it ended:) I am fine,dont worry.

Ushaji,Very true,just because we are women the situation changes,we need to fight more,aruge more,suffer more and need to have more confidence and whatnot.

Alapana said...

Anon,i am not against anon commentors who donot want to reveal their identity,but it sure makes me feel nervous maybe because i dont want someone whom i knew to come back here posing anon,so i asked if i know you:) Hope you dont mind.
I am used to difficult situations,and if it so happens that i dont face one every few days i wonder if all is well:)
I firmly believe that there is nothing called i cannot,Everything can be done.and we all live,no matter what all we loose in life,it might be difficult but not impossible,and i say that with my own exp:)
thanku for all the comments,have a wonderful time and do keep coming here till alapana exists.

Alapana said...

Sharad,survival instincts i would say,nothing to do with bravery:) I wanted to live and live with a smile and no fear of any dark night:) so chose to fightback.

Arzoon,Hahahaha,my dear,u got it little wrong,it was not a case of ear rings,mobile and gold chain,they are all safe with me:) If i were not a women then the fight would have been for that.I lost my ear ring while struggling to get out of his hands.
By the way,be safe with your mobile and chain,u r at RISK:p

Alapana said...

Ishitha,I tried that before,i just tried to push it all away and put up a smiling face,well,but i couldn stay with a mask for long.What did i do that i have to hide it all was my question and i realised i have the guts to face it,i can and i did.yes,u rightly said,it can happen to anyone and its better that we be more cautious and with awareness,with every step taken to let others know what all might happen we sure are making women more safe in our own way.
Its a disturbing fact,but nonetheless its a FACT and that matters.Thanks for coming here.

PuNeEt said...

the incident was really scary...

brave efforts... well done...

Amrit said...

"zindagi ke raasthe yun bhi honge soncha na tha,
rasthe mein kaante honge soncha na tha,
pareshan tho hai par datkar muqabla karenge,
zindagi hi tho hai,jeetke dikhayenge."

i copied that frm one of ur post only and really liked the words so much and really ur living the same way..

sorry for been here soo soo late
visited it once or twice before.. hmm but was lazy to leave a comment..

praying u ok now 100%
take care maam :)

Ajay said...

hey me here for the first time...
nice blog
glad to know, ur ok

s! said...

the effort made by Blank Noise is appreciable, here's hoping some good comes of it.

i hope a day soon comes when our mothers, sisters, daughters don't have to face anything like you have; though the lessons you have taught about being wary are excellent.

anumita said...

Thank god you had the presence of mind to kick! But take care and buy that spray if needed. Have been catching up on your posts. Gives a nice feeling rading through your writings...

Alapana said...

Puneet,happens with lot of people,Nothing about being brave,Survival i would say,we all fight for it,dont we:)

Ajay,thankyou,ya i am fine:)

Alapana said...

Amrit,first things first,Why did you close your blog atall? i have been there a few days back and really felt sad that i wont be able to read such beautiful poetry ever again,Comeon, come back if you can:)

The moment i read those lines i knew u were quoting from AK and i miss the place so much:) I am doing fine,how have u been.

Alapana said...

S! Infact i want to thankyou,Because its only through your blog that i came to know about BNP,thats when i realised the Importance of awareness,Thankyou.
I really hope such a day comes soon.

Anumita,Looooooooooooook who is hereeeeeeee,yayyyyyyyyyy,how have you been:p
Will buy the spray if needed,sure,will takecare:)

Atul Sabnis said...

I think most of what i would have wanted to say is said in all the comments above. though unnecessary, this is trial by fire for helping us become better and more resilient to the evil of the society we live in. it is a means for us to accept that this is real and we stand up and take notice.

Alapana said...

atul,What amazes me is when need arises people stand and work towards the solution,maybe thats what makes us all grow as a nation till date.Same i noticed in blogworld also,before BNP i dont think there were atleast 3 blogs which mentioned the word sexual harassement,today lot of people want to talk and express.Maybe this helps,and as for me,it sure helps.
Haan,Trial by fire..

Tulan said...

Very brave i must! i like your blog and why are u so sad from inside. All ur writing somehow conveys u r not happy with life. Life is given to you once use to the fullest.

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