Another silent day,another silent walk through the lanes of memories,expressions of silence form a clear picture in front of me,i keep staring into the mirror of life and waiting ,But for what?wish i could clearly say,but i dont need answers for now,lot of things happening around,and i am being churned in the mix of emotions,end of the day all i long for is silence,where words are covered by the mist of silence,and i live with myself in the world filled with no sounds,and yesterday was one such night,where all i had was music and the beauty of it as always make me bow at the brillinace of the lyrics! music! voice or a combination of all,well,i give lot of imp to lyrics,and as always Gulzar takes the top seat in my list of favourites.

Imli ka yeh ped hawa main jab hilta hai toh,
Imli ka yeh ped hawa main jab hilta hai toh,
eenth ki deewar par parchhai ka cheenta padhta hai
aur jasb ho jaata hai jaise..
sookhe matti par koi paani ke katra bikhair gaya ho..
dheere dheere aangan main fir dhoop sisakti rehti hai..
kab aate ho.. kab jaate ho..

**********

"Ek roj zindagi ke ru-baru aa baithe...
Zindagi ne poocha..dard kya hai..? Kyun hota hai..?
Kahan hota hai, yeh bhi toh pata nahi chalta....
Tanhai kya hai aakhir...?
Kitne log toh hain...fir tanha kyun ho...?
Mera chehra dekh kar zindagi ne kaha...
main tumhari judwa hun...mujhse naaraz na hua karo...!!

**********
shaam bhuj rahi thi
aur aane wale ki koi aahat nahin thi kahin
neeche behta dariya keh raha tha ,
aao meri aagosh main aa jao ,
main tumhari badnami ke saare daag meta doonga....

din magar dhalne laga hai,
dil main ek khauf sa baith raha hai.....

woh der se pahuncha tha ,
magar waqt par pahuncha tha.
**********

Silk sarees,Jewellery,Invitations,List of friends,Flowers,Mehndi,Hair style,Ganapathi puja,relatives,caterers list,garlands,designing the mandapam,kalayana tilakam,roses,jasmines,banana leaves,coconuts,chandan,turmeric,Glass bangles in both the hands,kajal,hairpins,gifts,bouquets,smiles,kids running around,last min tensions,untimely demands,arguments,compromises,Ooty or Kodai? Tirupathi,Satya narayana vratam,Kalyanam at 4am:(,Who said life is easy? and whoever said its fun to be a part of it all,Plzzzzzz,give me a break:( The D day is rushing into my life and i am blank,18hrs of work and planning and phone calls leaves me no time for anything else.Might not be posting for a while,will be back at your blogs and mine too very soon.

"bas ek chup sii lagi hai nahii.n udaas nahii.n,kahiin pe saans rukii hai nahiin udaas nahiin,bas ek chup sii lagii hai"

I walk through all the darkness towards a new begining,yet to reach the destination but i feel lost,did i do the right thing by taking this path? Was i not happy being where i was? In my own world,busy with work and life in general? why am i not excited but nervous?
why am i silent than before? why do i just smile when friends say i dont talk to them now that i am busy with preparations for a new begining? Why cant i tell them the truth that i dint even start thinking of it?
Why dont i scream and say that i am busy with work as before and nothing special? why dont i complain when none of my friends contact me as before? Where is it all leading to?
i have no idea if i am happy and grinning all the while with the expectations of a new begining,But i know yesterday night i just kept staring at the sky from the windows for a long time,will i have to leave everything and walk away from here? New beginings end the past? that which is filled with so many memories? Nothing will be mine here now? Or is it all in the way we look at life? For now i am lost in silence.
And with all the changes which walked into my path one thing is quite clear,I now know who is a friend and who is not.Now when i see people who were a part of my life once, walk past me without looking at me,i dont feel sad,I know we never were destined to be together,Too late,Now i dont use the word friends so easily,And now i dont trust words so easily.Lifes lessons always amaze me.

I miss my life which i was a part of and now i am no where related to it.Wish i can bring back those times of happiness without any worldly responsibilities,Wish i could spin around the time and go back to such times of innocence and happiness,Just a wish..........

Na jaane kyon, hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath
achanak ye man
kisi ke jaane ke baad, kare phir usiki yaad
chhoti chhoti si baat, na jaane kyon

vo anjaan pal,Dhal gaye kal, aaj vo
rang badal badal, man ko machal machal rahen,
na chal na jaane kyon, vo anjaan pal
tere bina mere nainon me
Toote re haay re sapanon ke mahal
na jaane kyon, hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath ..

"pootche hain zindagi,hamse jeene ki adaa,bole yeh raaste yaaro jaana hain kaha,ham toh hawaao pe likhte hain dastaan,ham mein hain woh hunar,chaa jaaye jaaye jaha..

It rained yesterday,making me smile again without any reason,soaking in the raindrops i kept singing to myself....

ai zindagii ye lamha jii lene de,
o pehale se likhaa kuchh bhii nahin,
roz naya kuchh likhati hai tu
jo bhii likhaa hai dil se jiyaa hai
ye lamhaa filhaal jii lene de

Tiny drops of water fall on my feet and i keep playing with them,try to wipe them off but they keep coming again and again,.the pitterpatter of raindrops on the wet ground,.sat there for a long time.sometimes silence says somuch. well,it does,when u know that u r talking to u r self....isnt it?

masoom sii hansii bevajah hii kabhii honthon pe khil jaatii hai
anajaan sii khushii behati hui kabhii saahil pe mil jaatii hai
ye anjana saa dar ajnabii hai magar khuubasuurat hai jii lene de
-- Filhaal

itanii muddat baad mile ho

kin sochon mein gum rehate ho

tez havaa ne mujh se poocha
ret pe kyaa likhate rahate ho

kaun sii baat hai tum mein aisii
itne achche kyon lagte ho

hum se na poochho hijr ke qisse
apanii kaho ab tum kaise ho

--Mohsin

BLACK & WHITE

Waking up at 5am on a sunday morning is not normal for me,but it has its own beauty,the silence all around and then the first ray of light,sounds filling the silence slowly and walking aroundthe house i find myself lost in thoughts,of A life gone by,a life yet to start and in midst of all this i am thinking of my present.Somuch changed in one go and here i am,struggling to find a hold of my life,taking a tight grip over my emotions,trying hard not to look back and to accept what is gifted to me.Why cant i see a clear picture of a tomorrow?I wish i knew:)

I remember a line by Gulzar.....

'Mushkil hai aakaash pe chalana, Taarey paaon mein chubhtey hain"


jab kabhi mudke dekhata huun main
tum bhi kuch ajanabi si lagatii ho
mai bhii kuch ajanabi saa lagataa huun
ham jahaan the vahaan pe ab to nahin
paas rehane kaa bhi sabab to nahin
koi naarazagii nahiin hai magar
phir bhii ruuthii huii sii lagatii ho
tum bhi ab ajanabi si lagati ho
jab kabhii mudke dekhata huun main
Gulzar

The water is crystal clear,i can clearly see the images forming,i can see the combinations and i can see the ripples joining to form a chain of memories of the past gone by,so many incidents,so may people,some who made me a better person,few who stood by me all the while and a few who left me alone to cry in pain,all in all it was a wonderful journey with all its uncertainity,Hope and Dreams and illusions and happiness and pain,anger and frustration,
I have no regrets of loosing anything,of not getting anything,I let go off My Yesterday for a better tomorrow and in my present i just keep watching the Reflections ......They form shapes,they form faces,they form words and they form silence,I keep staring at them,I know i have not much time to look at it all for long,I have a journey to take,a path which suddenly stormed into my life,and i am getting ready for a new begining,to hold a hand and walk off into a new path and i remember the words written sometime back.

"I am a dreamer,I collect all the smiles from My yesterday, Neatly pack them into words and hide them in my heart,I call them "MEMORIES" for i have a tomorrow to Take them to, with the smiles and leaving behind the tears,I walk off to that Unknown Tomorrow.I walk off BUT NOT ALONE ANYMORE, I walk off,with silent memories,WITH YOU TO HOLD MY HAND,I WALK OFF FOR A LIFE WAITING FOR ME,I WALK OFF WITH YOU,WITH A NEW DREAM AND NEW HOPES.

Roz sahil pe khade hoke yahi dekha hai
Shaam ka pighla hua surkh-sunhari rogan
Roz matiyale-se paani mein yeh ghul jaata hai
Roz sahil pe khade hoke yahi socha hai
Mein jo pighali huee rangeen shafaq ka rogan,Ponchh loo haathon pe
Aur chpuke se ik baar kabhi
Tere gulnaar se rukhsaaron pe chhap se mal doon
Shaam ka pighala hua surkh-sunhari rogan..........Gulzar