REPLY

"When you smile and ready to share happiness you will find lots of people around you,but when you want to share your pain you will find none,and if you have anyone who can listen to you when you are down then remember you have the best of the friends and you still have a hope to live" I kept reading those lines again and again,Her words always mean somuch,I miss her here with me,She is far off making her life,but she is still the same.
Too many mails but i still am not ready to answer most of them,I know the question there "Why" and here goes my reply.........
"Because that place is overpowering my Identity as an individual,Because i want to get away from people who came into my life,who talked to me,who used the word TRUST and then Vanished,From ME- the individual.
Some who used the word FRIENDS,came into my life,shared all their pain and tears,Used me as a shoulder and one fine morning vanished,
No,not from others,but from ME,WHY? why do they feel guilty? dint they use the word FRIENDS? when they did then why do they have to mvoe away and live with smiles and treat me as a stranger? But they still come back to that place,read what all is written and go back silently.
There was an option for me as suggested by someone "Dont write about yourself" and i had to admit "For me my blog is my mirror,of emotions,of those feelings which i dont show in the real world,for me its a place where i talk to myself,Yes,i let others read it too,You know why? Because i know many,i came across many who felt the same wave of emotions,who tried to express their silence but failed,For their own reasons,and for all those people this place was special,they came,they read,they smiled at times,they cried at times reading the sadness filled in there,a few wrote back and lot of them left silently,
Do i today change the identity of this palce entirely,write something which is not what i AM? write about social issues and my view about the politics? I dont want to,Because for one simple reason,A few causes dont need any writtting,they nead ACTION,and i know what all i do within my short and available time and resources.Actions speak there for sure."
Then what was the option left? Do i keep writing and hurt myself in the process knowing that people whom i ran away,whom i am scared of,who dont mean anything but still can bring a sour taste to my life? who make me silent still know about me through a place where i put in my thoughts? i tried,Trust me,i Did,but i couldn handle it for long and then i decided to QUIT.No,certainly not from writing,But from that place,Maybe its time to start afresh.
Someone asked me and i repeated to myself "how does it feel to start at 0 after a 100" well,i have no idea,right now i am blank.
the only Request is not to use my real NAME anywhere while you are all commenting,This blog is open to all,this blog is open to those people who sent me 100s of mails who dont even own a blog,who donot even know anything about commenting but still keep reading mine.You can add it to your favourites the day you feel its worth,But the identity would always be AALAPANA or EXPRESSIONS OF SILENCE.
This song is for someone who did everything to make me write again,who tried somuch that i had to switch off my mobile for a while to think,ignore the mails and keep myself sane.Hindi songs being his favourite all the time and this song is for you.....its one of my fav and which i put up in my mobile and keep lsitening to all the time,Infact from yesterday i heard it around 40times:) I am back and i know you are the one who is really happy.thanku.

kyaa jaanuu saajan hotii hai kyaa Gam kii shaam
jal uthe sau diye jab liyaa teraa naam
kyaa jaanuu.n saajan

kaa.nto.n mein main khadii
nainon ke dvaar pe
nis din bahaar ke dekhun sapne
chehare kii dhuul kyaa
chandaa ki chaandni
utarii to rah gaii mukh pe apane
kyaa jaanuun saajan....

jabase milii nazar
maathe pe ban gaye
bi.ndiyaa nayan tere dekho sajanaa
dhar lii jo pyaar se
merii kalayiyaan
piyaa terii ungaliyan ho gaii kanganaa
kyaa jaanuu.N saajan....